I miss you.

Baby, you've had everything of me wrong! I've never gave up on you, I've never don't miss you, I've never don't love you, I've never stopped loving you before! And now it makes an equation of I + Have + Been + Missing + You + With + All + My + Tears! I've been there, I've always been inside your heart, never ran out of elsewhere as you thought I had changed to somebody else. In fact, you are always my love, which I love so much! I miss you, I miss you so darn badly!! The days I couldn't see you were my nightmares, of all the things had happen in the previous time were a nightmare to you, but I've recalled I've had my lessons learnt, I didn't want it to be like the present, I didn't want you to walk without me, I didn't want you to do anything without me and the one I didn't want it to happen which I didn't want you to walk with anybody else but just me! :'( it tears so badly, it aches so terribly, it suffocate me till I wasn't at stake of breathing normally! With all this years of tears I've tears for you, it never that I thought you were a "waste-of-time" or "have regrets" before! You were my love, you are my love, I will always love you from the day we knew ages back! I miss you terribly baby...I'm suffocating, and I don't want you to have any misunderstanding from me as I've been truely honest ever since the last incident happened years back! It was my last time, and I've been loving you with all my heart, with everything I could for you...for the home we always want to live in!

p/s:

"Where you used to be,

there is a hole in the world,

which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime,

and falling in at night.

I miss you like hell."

For what had happen in the past, there have been so much of changes, I've learned a lot, and I've never ever done that anymore. I've been trying to find ways giving you the best, but I'm always been compared with any other ordinaries which I'm far away from them yet I still didn't cut my breath off for you because I LOVE YOU with what we've developed from Day 1. It is easy to love one, but it is never easy to love one that loves you too. That was what you told me years back and that was what makes me commit to everything about you no matter what happens. There were times I've been accompanying you to sleep but you never knew cause nobody knows but that isn't important because God knows I did it for you. When you were away for this few months time, I've been missing you so terribly! 'Rain' falls everyday during the day and night, each and every second it kills my brain cells off for missing you baby! :'( my heart have been reserved for you since Day 1, till today, till my heart stop beating! I've never lied for not loving you before, words can be fake, but it has been over the years the blog "has" been written for you with tears... If everything were not true that we both said to each other, then this blog will be meaningless for me to continue writing. You are whom I want, never leave me for anybody, for all the silly mistakes I've done, I know that it hurts, it also hurts me too badly, I felt it too, but I've learned everything all from A to Z today! You've got me, you've got all my heart and soul off or you'll not see me being stupid that night! :'(

I'm stupid and that's a statement which I couldn't deny, but my stupidity doesn't affect my faithfulness, truthfulness and sincerity for you before! When I call you my "baby", I mean't it and you are always my baby! When you called me "baby", that was what I want that will never last...my heart is all given of to you but not anyone else before, let me hold you, let me hold you in my arms to give you the warmest hug that makes you smile! Please don't worry, I'm not pretending or being fake, but it is my hug that wanted it to last all time that makes you warm and happily being loved!

I'm sorry baby, I didn't mean to be ignorant, I didn't mean to left you out, I never mean to side anybody, but I only want to have the honeymoon happily with you! I've never thought of anybody or anything but just you all the time! If I'm really telling lies, I wouldn't be writing for you, I wouldn't be texting you everynight, I wouldn't be depressed all the time JUST BECAUSE I'M MISSING YOU SO TERRIBLY! :'( although everything seems to be words only, but it means beyond what it means for you! I don't want to be like this anymore, I'm going crazy, I'm losing my attention, my mind, my consciousness, my patience and my tears! I don't want to be left out, I don't want to be deserted by you at all! I love you baby, I love you for everything you've said/done for me over the years which I've never forgotten before! I believe you told me this was true, "if others are so easily to be in my heart, I wouldn't have loved you all this while and no one is more important than you besides my family!" And for that, I knew you loved me for all we've developed together! I know I'm ain't perfect, I've weaknesses, never rejects others, easily to trust others, have hair loss, ain't a a rich category kid, but all I have is just a sincere golden heart that kept for you to love and to be loved only. On and off, I knew it was tiring, but I want to get it all solved for us to live together happily, to walk the journey together, to hold our hands wherever we go, to live under the same roof together happily! I miss you, I really miss you so much, which ever or where ever I go, you came across my mind in every second that cause me distraction without realizing anything that happens in the surrounding. Every second when I'm in the car alone, you were the one I've been thinking of, missing of so much till it tears each day!

I did went out for drinking sessions, I did went to the club or events, but it never stopped me from thinking of you before, when the midnight comes just before the sunrise, you'll have my SMS in your inbox, till today, you've been seeing "1 New Message" and that was from Alby Thum. I've never give up and I'll never give up on you as I've promised and it was stated somehow somewhere still over the years, "I can't let go my hands off you..." because my heartbeats for all the love I've given to you unless if you wanted me to be perished. I never cared about others before, I've never cared about how others looked at us in our relationship, but if you cared for what the others says that makes you hated me so much for all the hypocrites then it isn't gonna be fair for us, for me who isn't as what the BITCHES bitch about. I'm true to you baby...and I needed you more than anyone else including....some other people! :'( I just need your love and you which I wouldn't ask for anything anymore baby! TRUST ME!

p/s: "My love is never a lie to you before!"

For you from my heart:
"I think about you constantly, whether it's with my mind or my heart."
~by Albany Bach Reid

&

"I keep coming back to you in my head, but you couldn't know that, and I have no carbons."
~by Adrienne Rich

"My heartbeats for you will never stop, if only my heart stops, for that will be....and it will be when my heart stopped beating!"
~by Alby Thum

Love with all my heart,
-bEE-

3 days of superb busy moment and finally . . . BUT!

After all this weeks, finally i've got all my assignments handed up, ON TIME! Ya, Friday, 12 June 2009, 7pm DUE eventually everything was handed in 10minutes latest before the clock turned to 7pm! It's been weeks i've been working out with my assignments with stress and many others stuffs, the last week of all the assignments due, have taken me 3days of rest to complete everything from day to night and night to day! Everyday, morning till midnight, the last 3days i slept at 7++am to 8am then woke up at 10++am/11am to go back to college to rush for my SVVR, PRMGT & the worst one is my FYP midpoint report, they called it INVESTIGATION REPORT for my program! Anyway, i'd struggled so much with the admin asking for extension which they then told me it's called "DEFERMENT" because it means differently! WTF? Whatever it means, i guess the admin shouldn't have promised me that she'll extend/defer my due to the day i could hand in which is next tuesday! TODAY i finally met my program leader and was kinda "arguing" with her of the things i went through the admin scheduler WHO CAN'T DECIDE ANYTHING and i had a deferment form to fill for the reason of "miscommunication with the admin"! WTF??? Sigh...more than enough i've been trying to work it out to finish it on time and do my research eventually i handed in with a deferment form! Worst part is when i needed internet most it went breakdown! Argh, went out to borrow the "internet" to do my work and to de-stress till when i got back it isn't working yet, i called the TM@3am to make my report! Then the next morning everything went fine back, the technicians are outside my area fixing the cables and lines! THANKS! So now everything is done except for exam, but yet after all this stress and free from DATELINES BUT exam in 8days time! I'm SO gonna die soon! SIGH!~

Anyway, i finally found out who the winner is......yet insufficient rest and tonnes of stress have almost killed me throughout the weeks eventually...heh...i am just a loser la!~ I know I'm worthless@useless in the end...suffocation of pain, of stupidity for being jealous,..KILLS ME REALLY REALLY TERRIBLY NOW!! ;'(

Night everybody...

A song which i quite like lately by Z-Chen, the new album song! Enjoy....

四目交接的时候 不要停留太久

适可而止的问候 关心不能太过

好奇也别去探索 嫉妒只能深锁

如果忍不住寂寞 也不能对你说

啊好朋友啊我的好朋友

不小心的沉默 不想让你太难过

* 我们就站在落地窗的两边

就算触碰也有了界限

如果跨越过彼此那道边界

是靠近还是更遥远

相信我们走到另一个境界

搭肩高唱友谊万万岁

要是我爱你变成了语言

什么会多一些 什么会少一些

就让别人去猜测 我们清白的很

就让自己去承受 那种清白的闷

就算我只是朋友 能不能有要求

如果会发生什么 还是我想太多

啊好朋友就只是好朋友

不小心说出口 微笑中藏着难过

Repeat *

你会不会也曾闪过这感觉

一念之间就要差一点

要是我爱你变成了利剑

什么会被消灭 什么才会复原

那是我的底线 继续将你暗恋

p/s: "My tears drip, EVERY night of missing S.O.M.E.O.N.E but.... ;'("

-[aLbY]-

Mr. Lonely.

Gary Chao Ge's new song, i've always been admiring him produces great music and meaning behind the lyrics! It's a nice song!

I realized, people in the surrounding been looking at me in one kind of expression lately when i was at somewhere, really weird, making me uncomfortable, feeling as though i'm WANTED or prolly a criminal or something. I don't know why, it just hurts me so much! Each time when it happens, tears almost to drip off from my eyes. I'm feeling insecure, imbalance of lifestyle, imbalance of health as well as everything going on all this few months time. It's suffocating, my heartache most when....we confronted but i'd a feeling it was all make out, in fact, i could sense reluctance! :'( i've almost been missing you so badly, but why is it has to be like that? Whats worst is....whatever i heard from you about...it really almost kill me off from living!~ I love you for true, for all i have, for whatever you want with my best, with everything i wants to give it to you...but....

Here it goes:-
A: Why don't you throw the things away which I gave?

B: Why should i? You can't throw away the memories even if it's all thrown away..

A: I know you won't forgive me!

B: That's only what and how you think. We've been together for quite awhile, for years if i were to described it, but i've always been wondering, if there's a cure for missing someone. What do you think?

A: It's to see the person you miss...

-END-

It's 7am, i couldn't sleep although i'm tired, although i've been rushing on my FYP midpoint which is suppose to be handing in today but don't know whether the extension approved or not to next tuesday. Yet, i've been thinking over you, missing you, i miss you, i didn't just miss you, but i miss the whole of you! I'm not greedy, i only wanted to have a meal with you to see you longer!~ :'( i knew everything was my fault since last time, why couldn't you let the past off your mind and allowed me to love you and to be loved by you back?? I can't take it, the moment i was driving back home, tears dripping off from my eyes...the touch, the speech, the hug, the eye-to-eye contact, the care, the love, the TRUST...i wanted it all back from you baby! :'( everyone is seeing me as an artifact animal, as though asking me to "get off" or "fall back and don't come into our territory!" thinking about the stabbing, the people who's unable to be close but finally can be close with you, IT HURTS SO MUCH BADLY DEEP INTO MY NERVES!!~ i wanted to see you so badly, but its either i sneak off from somewhere, hide around peeping, pretending as though we bumped onto each other....no, i didn't want those at all! But i am not given any choice to do that, watching things i didn't want to.... :'( all i want is my baby back who cares and loves me, but isn't like now..... how, what shall i do? The cure of missing someone is to meet that person, but it almost make me to tears whenever we confronted! :'( i really meant every single thing i've been telling/clarifying with you and it's all because i love you so much deeply...



I felt lonely, i'm lonely, i've been lonely,...and all i want is you back! :'( i wanted to clear off every single problem we've had in our heart, to be together happily for the better days...i didn't want to be apart from you at all if i don't love you at all baby!~ :'(

I MISS YOU SO MUCH!!!!

p/s: "I always remember whatever you've said/told me before, I'll never forget anything or whichever or whatsoever thing of you.."

Love,
-aLbY-

Come back to me . . .

I needed you so much! I needed you so much baby!~ Please come back to me, please allow me to go back to you baby!~ I'm sorry for whatever happened, I didn't have any intention at all!!! :'( I love you for everything I have and could, I only expected you to love me back as before and NOTHING at all anymore!~ I love you and I really needed you so much.... :'(

.For you.

Love,
-bEE-

Yezi / Leaf

*** This song is a tribute to the respected artist, A-Sun, who had passed away not long ago. ***

I love this song so much, and I don't hope to have such an ending at all... :'( all I want is just "somebody" to trust and heart me! I need nothing at all, I don't want anything either, but plain YOU who I love all by my heart all this while right up till today...I've always love you truthfully and faithfully baby!~ :'(

-[aLbY]-

I am naive!

I'd been unhappy, more for a depression for sometime. Nevertheless, I reckon I can be called a naive or easy-to-trust creature. I was warned many times, not to believe on others easily! Ya indeed, I always trust anybody very easily, today, I've finally realized something, I am naive. I finally knew the truth who have been backstabbing yet destroying every single of my happiest moment! You helped me and then you stabbed me from the back, what have I owed you? WHY!? :'( I know I'm stupid enough to believe every single thing from anybody, part of the reason, I knew why... :'( I'm having serious depression now! STRESSED! PRESSURED! DEPRESSION! YOU HAVE DONE IT ONCE LAST YEAR, AND THIjavascript:void(0)S YEAR YOU'RE DOING IT OVER AGAIN BOYCOTTING ABOUT ME OF WHATEVER UNTRUE STORIES/GOSSIPS! I've been told, been warned, then I stopped everything, but you're STILL doing it behind my back. You're GREAT! YOU DID IT! I'm suffering here everyday and night, every single moment, been thinking of my love one, missing my beloved so badly yet you're happily hanging on there! :'( I've always have somebody who cherish me, loves me, cares for me, and even be by my side,...but with EVERY FUCKING BUSY BUSINESS you added which are all FAKE, you're close to as though you've murdered me! YOU MAKE ME TEARS SO MUCH!!! I can't believe that I've been believing you all this while! YOU MAKE MY LIFE MISERABLE! YOU MAKE ME IN SUCH SUFFOCATING IN HAVING NOBODY!!!!!!!!!~~~~~ AND I HATE FUCKERS WHO MOTHER-FUCKING-BACKSTABBING AROUND OTHERS BACK FOR FAME, FOR NOTHING BUT HAPPINESS!!!! YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE WHO BECAME THE MASTERMIND OF MY LIFE, MY HAPPINESS AND MY EVERYTHING SON OF A GUN!!!






-[aLbY]-

Deep inside . . .

A random post, but these 2songs mean a lot to me to you!
Enjoy people...though it isn't any LATEST or NEWEST song, but it means deep inside from my heart...

.If This Isn't Love.




.When You Believe.



p/s: "Do you know i misses you really really badly...it's all because i heart you deep inside my heart! What can i do? :'( ..."

-[aLbY]-

Super tired & EXHAUSTING!

It's been how long i've not had good rest? Sorry, UNCOUNTABLE! It's been a busy week, and i'm terribly exhausted too! Class from morning till evening, gym with the new program & diet, back home assignment! ARgh....i've super headache now! Terribly headache, did some of the assignment, and i'm so stress of so much now! WORRIES keeping me tired!!~ so many things jumbled up in my mind, what i need is some pampering! :( sIgh...everyone said, "Alby, how are you doing? Why do you look so tired? Like exhausted? Haven't been sleeping for weeks? etc.." everything is turning WORST of my health...there's only ONE medicine that could cure me, i just need you so much.. :'( goodnight readers...

-[aLbY]-

Anotehr sleepless night . . .

It is just too hard to go to bed and sleep with my eyes closed and brain stop functioning! :'( assignments are killing me, SVVR due next thursday where i'm struggling terribly with the codes but isn't the design, actionscript is so...URGH! PRMGT due on the same day as SVVR, it's about to finished but...with slow updates on my groupmates, SHIT HAPPENS! And...the worst part, my FYP Midpoint to be handed in on the 10/6, i need to write at least a minimum of 50pages of report before it due yet i've got NOTHING in the report! It's been so busy working out with other assignments for the past weeks till next week! Sleepless night,...apart from that, my heart.....aches missing someone! :'( my life is just so 2-3hours of sleep in 24hours! Exam is throughout the whole last week of June09! Argh....i'm darn scared now!!!~ :'( it's just so busy....and it's making me collapsing in no time, been a few nights that i was half way doing my assignment, eyes began to feel tired, went for a bounce on my bed, and slept for 1-2hours then awake in the midnight to continue my assignment till 4-6am every night! :'( it's so suffocating.....i need you so much..wishing all the classmates best of luck in finishing all assignments and midpoint before it due!






-[aLbY]-

Nevertheless . . .

Nevertheless, another sleepless night, 8.30am for class and I'm still awake though I'm terribly tired! My eyes, my body, my back aches, my mind is empty, my heartbeats abnormally but...there's only one thing, one person who comes into my mind that calms me down! I've thought of a quote for long, for you, my love...and the rhythm goes like this...

Something I've thought about long ago,

This is what I've decided and make out of my mind,

No one in this world is perfect, Heaven knows I'm not thou, 

But my love for you is more than anyone else possibly could!

In the end, that's all that matters.

You're my chance at something else, something better...

And there's no way I'm letting you go off like that..

Like a bird that flies without another wing!

p/s: I really misses you so much baby... ;'(

Love,
-[aLbY]-

After all this while...

After all this while, FINALLY....words not much, eyes off somewhere, but my heart still beats for missing you! I've been waiting for this day so much, but... It just takes my breath off with "please don't misunderstand anything..", "it's just like that..", "..no other means"! :'( I've had hell loads of unfinished things, i did it on purpose, for you but why..?? Did it just break my heart into pieces? No? Yes? But why? It's so suffocating, it's really suffocating! I'm trying hard...really hard, but i'm still never been pleased! Here..., here..., you take it from here my words! My speech couldn't be spoken out at all tonight, it just stabbed deep to the spot where it makes me to mute!~ :'( do you know,...i've been missing you so much badly! Badly till it's aching deep into my heart and nerves for the ignorant and reluctance! I'm collapsing in no time.... :'( you engraved everything in my heart, why do you wants to take everything off back from me? Have i ever, ever said "LOVE" suck? No i didn't, nor won't because the love we'd together isn't suck at all!~~ afterall, i'm in need of you and your love only... ;'( i don't need anything from you at all!~

When the rain is blowing in your face

And the whole world is on your case

I would offer you a warm embrace

To make you feel my love

When the evening shadows and the stars appear

And there is no one to dry your tears

I could hold you for a million years

To make you feel my love

I know you haven't made your mind up yet

But I would never do you wrong

I've known it from the moment that we met

No doubt in my mind where you belong

I'd go hungry, I'd go blind for you

I'd go crawling down the aisle for you

There ain't nothing that I wouldn't do

To make you feel my love

The storms are raging on a rolling sea

Down the highway of regret

The winds of change are blowing wild and free

But you ain't seen nothing like me yet

There ain't nothing that I wouldn't do

Go to the ends of the earth for you

Make you happy, make your dreams come true

To make you feel my love...

-[aLbY]-

31st May, 2009

It's 7am, Sunday 7am, by right, i'm suppose to be a good boy, sleeping yet going to wake up in the next 2hours for breakfast with my parents on the early healthy sunday but...i couldn't sleep! I couldn't close my eyes, shut down my brain, nor even close my eyes at all! My bro on the bed sleeping snoring like no ones business but i'm still awake! I saw the sunrise from time to time! It isn't my first time, i saw it from my eyes, from dark to sunrise! The sky turned brighter and brighter every minute, as though every moment i'm passing by, missing one person deeply hour by hour, day by day! I miss you! I terribly misses the entire process staring at your eyes and face, holding your hands, talking to you...it's been 3months and 13days i haven't seen you! Though i did took a sneak peak at you somewhere, but that almost took my breath away. Every assumed i was the happiest person on Earth including you but in fact, i'm not at all. I remembered we were together, looking at the sunrise slowly...staring at each other's face, pampering each other by the forehead and hands holding tightly, i didn't just miss it, i eagerly wanted it back all from you so badly too! Many are having a hard time right now, i hoped to help, i hoped to be there, i hoped to keep them company...but i failed to do so as i'm unable to help in my problem. I knew there were many past that lead to many mistrust, misunderstanding or miscommunication but i'm always 24/7 there to correct it, make it right, getting your heart back to me only. Loving you isn't as like eating a favorite ice-cream, but it's the time and effort that we've been through in developing from scratch, from the time we don't know anything to everything we knew about each other today... I saw many couples by the road side, at the mall, in the car, cinema, restaurant, cafe, garden or club, but where's my precious? What about my precious love ones? No, i didn't betray, i didn't stop loving you, i never don't miss you for one moment, nor stop thinking of you before,... baby, you've always been not just in my heart and mind, but virtually as though you were by my side every moment, everywhere i go!~ you were the one that i sacrificed everything for, you were the one i gave everything to, you were the one i only love although there were tonnes and billions of people around, of all the things happened, nevertheless how bad one problem is, YOU ARE still the ONE Alby loves, cares, misses and...walks in my life! You don't just leave me footsteps or memories, you left me a big impact in life, learnt a lot in the lessons and discovered many problems in me. I admitted i was ego and stubborn in some sense, but my heart can never lie to anybody, you're always in my heart and most important in my life.

Indeed, it is true nobody couldn't live without anyone, but living with the one you love, the one you always have loved, the one you have put every single effort onto, is still the most beautiful thing ever compared to a lonely moment. Single is fun, single is free, single can be beautiful depending how one looked at it, single can be the richer than a couple, single can have no worries, single can be happy and many more but single can never be compared to a loving couple which have put every moment in developing it especially after all this years of ups and downs, obstacles and problems they've been through together! I can never deny the truth i wasn't at fault before, i remembered every single moment, every single thing, every single gift, every single words you've told me, every single facial expression, every single heartbeat i felt, every single smell on you, but i know i myself have to personality problem which you would assumed i wouldn't change to appreciate you more. I cherish you, i really do, i didn't tell any lies, what i've been doing, i really do for the sake of us, for us to be closer than anybody else, to be loving towards each other! You're everything, everything where there's nothing i want including money although it is important to everybody these days, but money couldn't give me a permanent happiness unlike while you were by my side, although it was just breakfast, lunch, tea break, dinner or supper together! Have you guys ever heard, 5minutes of happiness with your love ones could make your day anyhow better than anything else? Lets make a rough count for me for not seeing my love ones for 3months and 13days? It's been close to 150,000minutes i've not seen my beloved! I've suffered a lot for missing one so badly, though we've not met and been arguing or not talking to each other for long, i believe the old folks says that "loving one really with the heart or what most people known as true love" no matter how long or far the distance is between both the human being, their heart and soul is always belonging to the one they missed most! Let's make this clear, i admitted i'm the creature@human being (if there're still people who thought i am one) that loves YOU most, and had never gave up in holding you back to my arms by talking through and solving every mistrust and problems we had all these years for a better times together happily...

The sky is getting really brighter, and the sun is really rising shining direct through to my window, luckily my mom have changed my curtain to my favorite, a dark blue and white stripe curtain so it wouldn't be too bright even though the sun is shining at 12noon! I'm still awake, not really sleepy, i'm ain't a God, i'm ain't a superhuman, but i just misses someone too much badly!~ i've never thought it would be a waste of my time doing all this, i wouldn't have thought that you don't love me truely with you heart as we've been together for years, i belief the truth although we'd been arguing, the one in your heart though you hated most, you still have me as the one you love most apart from your family! I understood that nobody would understand the pain you've suffered from how and what i've hurt you before, but i reckon i'm the only medicine to cure unless you never love me before! I believe in fate, i believe everything starts for a reason, everything happen for a reason, and fate allowed us to be together is the greatest gift i've had in my life, not comparable with Gucci, Emporio Armani, a big house, a Ferrari, a millionaire or someone that has back his hair as he'd been having his hair loss over the years which is not recovering much though, you're still the most precious gift i've had in life! You gave me the best moment, the laughter that remains permanent, the sadness which have taught me a lot while growing to be more mature, the worries that i've learnt where i know you were the most important person to me and i don't wanna lose you or having you unhappy, the disappointment faced because of too much/high of expectation....you're still the one i love baby...i didn't lie, and i swear, i've never dare to lied anymore!~ I MISS YOU....really badly!

I've something for you, and it's mainly dedicated exclusively for you too.. Click here for lyrics!



Love,
-bEE-

.depression.

depression kills me. depression haunt me back in the night. depression makes me tears. depression hurts badly. why i'm forever not the one? i couldn't sleep at all at 5am. i'd been sleeping only 2-3hrs for the past few days. having class in the morning till evening and now, i'm back to my territory. having terrible heartache. tears non-stop flowing. why? how? what shall i do? why is it that i've been loving one loyally yet i still got nothing in return but a whole load of hurtful statements?! i can't take it. it aches deep into my nerves. assignment due later. 2 more next week. final year project midpoint by 12/6 yet i've done nothing. why is it i've spent so much time in developing everything for years, you can never understand the real me that i really been loving you truthfully?! :'( it's been 3months. i've always wanted to do something but i've got boundary from you. what the hell on earth i can do for you? why i'll never have any good return for loving one faithfully?! i'm lost. i'm unhappy. i'm upset. but i reckon depress should be the word to describe. been to the clubs to get drunk and not to think much. it's all because of you! it's all because of you that i love so much and became a vampire, fail in doing my studies etc. i need love. i need comfort. i need care. i need you but.... :'( stop the cruelty. stop the cruel intention. stop the hurtful words. what i want is just you back. you that i knew. you that i love. you that i hold in my arms for 3yrs. you that i've been smooching on your forehead for 3yrs! :'(

somebody please save me out of the depression. i seriously can't handle it anymore. i'm getting weaker and weaker. i'm losing everything in grip. i'm lose you! i'm losing to someone whose fresh. i'm losing myself for loving you so much deeply, i wants to R.I.P! :'( the promises i made, have never been broken before. until today, you're still whom i love every now and then, every second and minutes been thinking of you. why am i still being accused the worst person ever. i need a peace life with you. i want a peace life with you. why is it so hard to please some people in life? i'm collapsing. i'm losing control. i'm losing everything...

I've nothing.

Why? Why? AND WHY?! I'VE NOTHING LEFT!!! EVEN MY HARD DISK IS GONE!!! AND YOU'RE RUNNING OFF FROM MY TRACK! ='( been over the years, over months, i seems still the only bastard left in the world! NOBODY will loves me, NOBODY will understands me, NOBODY will cares for me, NOBODY WILL HEAR/SEE ME CRYING every night! Now, i'm left as the worst person in the world, somebody has taken "my position" and kicked me off to the ground. I'm fake, everybody claimed that i'm just a fake bastard who fakes for all these years! :'( i didn't expected much in life, i would gave up everything for you but...I HATE MYSELF!~ I HATE MYSELF VERY VERY MUCH!!~ I do not know what am i suppose to do anymore. God, tell me for the sake of this 3years, am i freak to everybody? Why are there so many stories behind who stabbed me from the back towards the one i love most? WHY???????????????????????????????????????? WHY YOU CAN NEVER FORGIVE ME? WHY YOU CAN NEVER MAKE ME THE ONE AT ALL???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ='( you left me NOTHING IN MY LIFE! AND I HAVE NOTHING IN MY LIFE!~ WHY CANT YOU EVER BE COMMITTED TO ME ONLY WHEN I'VE ALWAYS BEEN DOING.... ='( how can loving one so much deeply, gets nothing in the end but all the shits!!

"I'm a saddist, the saddest animal known within everyone on Earth."






-[aLbY]-

THREE MONTH

It's been 3months, I've got nothing, but just plain ignorant. They said I've been enjoying life, been happy'ing around etc...but I reckon people who knew me well, shall know I've been hiding a lot, my feelings, my unhappiness, myself, and most importantly the real me. These days, I've been making everyone assuming I'm happy enough to go through my life, but the inner depth of me, no one would ever know including you whom claimed I'm enjoying my life, except to a few person on Earth who text me in the night sharing their unhappiness with me knows how I feel. 3months, 3months since the last time we met, and you broke up with me, and today I'm still the me, who still loves and misses you so much. You won't know, and I know...you will/likes assuming, I never bother, I never cared, and worst is that you'll declare that 'I'm never serious to you too..'. It hurts, hurts me deep the heart, but I've never hated you before, because the truth, I never been anybody as how you've assumed before, neither my past, present, or even the future. You are still the one I love most baby...

p/s: "I'll still dedicate you songs, which you won't know... I really misses you so badly everyday, noon, evening and night..."



You’re in my arms
And all the world is calm
The music playing on for only two
So close together
And when I’m with you
So close to feeling alive

A life goes by
Romantic dreams will stop
So I bid mine goodbye and never knew
So close was waiting, waiting here with you
And now forever I know
All that I wanted to hold you
So close

So close to reaching that famous happy end
Almost believing this was not pretend
And now you’re beside me and look how far we’ve come
So far we are so close

How could I face the faceless days
If I should lose you now?
We’re so close
To reaching that famous happy end
And almost believing this was not pretend
Let’s go on dreaming for we know we are
So close
So close
And still so far

Love,
-bEE-

Things you'll never know . . .

I miss you so much really....sigh....happy anniversary!

Love,
-[aLbY]-

Beautifully Imperfect.

No matter happens, how imperfect you are to me, you're always seems perfect to me just like what Indian lady described her husband as he's beautifully imperfect to her. There's always no perfection in life, "he/she is perfect" is just what we human being claimed them to be. In fact, we knew they're beautifully imperfect to us! I've never knew i would love you this much deeply too! *Note* Please dont misunderstand that the one i love is dead, no alright, i'm only relating it that nothing is perfect, but the "perfect" word is being replaced by "beautifully imperfect". I always had been loving u deep to the bottom of my heart baby...

Another video my friend recommended me to watch, it's meaningful...watch it! Enjoy...



-[aLbY]-

Condolence.

It's very sad to say, one of my friend's mom had passed away on monday night. When i woke up on tuesday morning, i saw a truck with tables and chairs. Wondering why are they here and will there be party or.... I don't want to think of that that "yea, auntie Barbie have left us." I really don't want it to be.. :'( nevertheless, when i was out of my area at the traffic light, i called mom, asked if auntie Barbie have passed away because i saw the truck with tables and chairs below the house. She replied "oh...is it i think she should have left already.." then we hung up, and i went for class without thinking of anything. After a couple of hours, my brother called to confirm that she didn't make it on monday night. She left when everyone left her place after the visit at 10+pm on monday. Mom told me this few days ago, but i didn't catch the right time to pay auntie Barbie a visit! On the day i saw the truck, i thought after my class i'll be paying her a visit because mom told me she don't seems could stay too long already as the doctor had done their best and my friend (the son), have spoken to auntie Barbie (the mom) in front of my mom this, "ma, you can leave peacefully with no worries, i'll take care of myself and sister will do the same too *tears*. don't stay here to suffer of the sickness (Serviks Cancer) anymore." Everyday starting tuesday night until thursday noon, i attended the funeral to pay my last respect to her, on the day itself she was brought out of the house, everybody says "bye" to her.. *tears again* auntie Barbie have seen us (me and my siblings) grew since we were younger, and she likes us very much. Anyhow, thanks for everything and may you rest in peace auntie Barbie. We'll always miss you....

Love,
Alby boy

If I don't have you . . .

My heart tears as though bleeding without you...I really did appreciated and love you truthfully! :'(

-[aLbY]-
Day 44

The Gift - to me . . .

Baby, I (heart) you for real and everything has been true from me to you...nothing is been FAKE before!

今天看見永遠的第一天, 終於實現我和妳的諾言, 時間將一切拉遠, 愛在心裡沒有改變..

今天看見愛飛過地平線, 當我說完我對妳的誓言, 這是另一個起點, 我一定愛妳到永遠...

到永遠....

Do you remember this phrases? I've never forgotten about it before, someone had dedicated me this song in years back, I was told that the meaning in the entire song is what it meant to me, ever...because of this, I love that person even more and i've make my words to that person, i love that person truely for real, i'll never gonna let that person go... :'( i'll never forget whatever the both me and that person have said to each other from those days right up till today, they all have been kept in my heart all this while...i'll never have a change of heart even if that person is better because my words to that person are real, and whom i really love, i knew it all by myself, by right that person knew it too but that person have lack of confidence yet been thinking that things WONT BE TRUE because TRUE LOVE never exist, especially on that person itself. No you're wrong, No you under-estimated my sincerity, No you've been thinking too much, No you've thought it all wrong! The one I claimed i'll only love, will love, and love from those days right up till today is still the same, and never changes before! We've said to settle things down together before, and i've been looking forward that after the 'misunderstanding and miscommunication' ended! The 'someone' and 'that person' i've been talking about is always YOU BABY!!! :'( did you know i've never thought i would have such lover in my life that will loves and made me loves so much? You're always special to me, that's why i never wanted you to be "obtained" by anybody else except me. Few years back, i've bought a couple ring but..., and this year i've got it from you, i was extremely greatful and thankful for the meaning of it! EVERYTHING, i mean really EVERYTHING you'd given to me, i've been appreciating it, and whatever from my beloved, they mean everything to me, nevertheless, it means your love for me too! I've always have faith in you baby!! No matter what it is, i swore to God, i've been real and sincere towards you and each and everything we've been through all these years together!~ Thank you so much my beloved...


<< You're the one that I love, and I love, and I love and I have never been as you thought or like others said before! I never betray you, I never lied to you (except last year's incident), I never take you as a toy, I never hide anything from you, I never take this relationship like you thought NOTHING or NOT SERIOUS, I have never taken you for granted before either baby, I SWEAR I REALLY HAVE NEVER BEEN FAKE TO YOU BEFORE.. :'( >>

For now, i dedicate this to you, it don't mean just what it was sang, but it means every single moment we were together from the lyrics in this song...and it's all about what we've always wanted and it's my love for you too!

_____________________________________________________________________________________

I'm suffocating, I've been suffocating from a severe pain that i can barely take, i've never been fake to you, i've never been fake to you before! How are you suppose to believe me?? :'( tears been tearsing everyday, i really couldn't bear the infinite pain in my heart that you thought of me as a 360 changed to someone you dont know who anymore. I dont know why, i dont know how, i dont know who either (whether i know or not), but i've never changed before!!!! I'm really getting weaker and weaker, day by day, i'm feeling it's the end of the world. Whatever i've been describing yet been telling you from the olden days, they're all TRUE! I've never lied and you've brighten and enlighten my life, i do not want to lose you at all baby!~ i've really been appreciating every single moment, single thing we did together and you did for me and have never had any bad intentions before, never, never and i've NEVER!!! :'( what's the point of betraying you when i've been the one who'd been holding you and been trying to save the relationship each time. You're not naive, you're never naive, you're not as you thought but you've always been the baby i love most for real, for true, for everything sincerely!! I know i lied and broken your heart last year, i really didnt mean it! I dont know how am i suppose to described that to you but i really have no harm at all! :'( please dont keep that in your heart anymore baby..i've learned my lessons well enough, i really did, i really never hide anything behind you before!!! I'm not that kind of person, i'm never that kind of person especially towards my beloved, and you'd became my everything, i really didnt betray or taken you as a "toy" before either...my entire life, getting to know you is the most fortunate miracle incident happened, getting together with you, is my greatest happiness ever in my life...you're the only one who'd given me hope to feel "alive" and to be rely on, if you were no one to me, i'll never have you as part of my family, i'll never give whatever shares i've to you baby.. :'( I REALLY LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART BUT ISN'T FOR ANY ADVANTAGE AT ALL BABY......

You've been asking "would I be the man u used to know?", yes, that's my answer, because my heart and soul had never changed before. We both have done a lot for each other, we've been through a lot, whatever i've got from you, i'll never forget, and i'll never let go because you've got my heart and soul with you, if you leave me because of untrue stories, by my friends (so called), your friends, or whatever they're called, i'd rather have my life hanging with suffocation and depression everyday. I've begun to realize, i've no one to trust or to count on anymore...ever since i realized what you've told me before since a year back, i've begin to lose friends in my surrounding because EVEN my friends betrayed me by accusing me to my beloved, i do not know the motive, but all i know, i've been only believing in you ONLY all this while, there's no one that i could count on anymore! I'm realizing the friends i've can only become a "hi bye" or "to company" only, but isn't by heart having me as a their friend. Even 'you' have got me all wrong that i'm an a$$hole to you, i've lost everything, yet been keeping myself in the closet because everyone outside there are a threat to me. These days, i've been keeping myself very far away from many people, but only staying at home or going for class. Even the people i'm very close with, i rarely mix to them anymore, or even meeting them anymore, because of all the rumours and words spread off, till the one whom i love most, partially was because of this reason. I'm scare, i've fell into the dark hole again, my world is surrounded by dark circles, dark clouds everywhere, evils everywhere, the only people i see whose my saviour, only my family and YOU! I can bear, i said before that i can bear every pain without you take it, but i'll never get to bear the pain without you baby, i've never changed to somebody else before. I'm always the Alby whom you always want him to be, and love him. I know i've weaknesses that makes you thought i would be a burden to you in your life, i'm sorry, i didnt know i've been your burden this long before but as a whole, i've never needed you to have me as your burden instead as what the song sang, "The way we held each other's hands, the way we talked, the way we laughed, it felt so good to fall in love, and I knew right there and then that you were the one.....I'm so happy, so happy that your in my my life, and baby now that your a part of me, you've showed me, showed me the true meaning of love(the true meaning of love), and I know he loves me..".

I mean my words to you baby, without you, my life had became dull, i've no natural laughter because you're not around joking with me, my visions only seeing black and white or sepia colors, i'm always with the distraught and worried expression...i dont want them, i need you, i want you back, i'm ain't playing, i'm ain't making EMPTY PROMISES, i'm ain't a player at all, i couldn't afford to play the "love game", i can only have ONE heart, ONE life, ONE beloved, and ONE motive which is loving and understanding you, i would rather spend my lifetime for you....with you, my love ones...you're right, i could take everything from you because you love me very much you claimed, but i've never lied to you either, that you could take my life away too if you had someone else and hated me. You'd been ignoring me for the past 2-3weeks, i've been in total distraught mood for that long.

Don't hate me baby, don't hate me anymore, please love me, i need your love, please love me like how we used to love each other!!!!~ :'( bee have always been real to you baby...if it's true that you said to me that your love is true to me, waiting wouldn't waste anything much in my life, i'll wait for the true love from you to be in existence back...i've always see "our relationship" a miracle and it's all different from others, because of you, i love you for everything, i'll wait for you to forgive my silly mistakes...

I really mean every single word sang in the song to you baby!!! You beautify me and my life, i'll not miss this opportunity to let you know, you didnt just mean how much 'I love you' but i love you more than what it means because i love you for all i could in my life...and that's exclusively for you, my beloved!

p/s: "I believe in every phase of relationship between us, if we really love each other (no matter who loves who more or etc), it's always worth me doing/sacrificing anything for you for us baby...i really love you for real! And i miss you very very much too baby..."

Goodnight everyone...

Yours love,
-bEE-
Day 38

The one I love still is YOU . . .

I didn't lie, I haven't been fake, I never pretended to love you before, the one I truely love most is ONLY YOU baby!~ no matter what happens, what it is, you're still the one i still love only, and love...to the hypocrites who spreads rumours, teasers, stabbers...enough of your acts, you all have given me a miserable life that claimed I'm such a "good bf"! Thanks for the "help", but no thanks, save it for yourself...i'm still the original of myself that loves ONE all by my heart, and that person knows whom i'm referring to...baby, i'm still the who-you-know right up till today... :'( i miss you so much...

-[aLbY]-
Day 35

Confession for 23-03-2009.

It's been another day, another day that i've been depressing, another day that i'm misses someone i been loving most, another day that it's tearsing again in the midnight missing someone so badly! Though today was a beautiful Sunday evening, the sunset was beautiful, the sun was very sunny, the feeling reminded me of the times when we were together. Just as how you shine your presence in my life, how you we'd been through the ups and downs together, most importantly, whatever that we've said to each other, i remembered each and every moment in detail...

Although i've hurt you last year, we've said to forgive and forget about the bad past and start all over again, even better than before. I believe in you, i always have been believe that you changes my life to a better life, you changes my everything including my mind, you gave the way i want my life to be...you gave me the best of everything i'd in life, your love..

I didn't lie, I didn't betray, I didn't have you for granted, I didn't fooled you before, I'd never taken you as a toy, I've never been fake to you too baby! My love has always been pure to you.. I only have you who I can be trusted, no one else that I could count on, no one as much as you because I love you all by my heart baby..i miss you very very much!~
_______________________________________________
For you:
"I'm so happy,
So happy that you're in my life
And baby now that you're a part of me
You showed me
Showed me the true meaning of love
And I know you loves me..."
_______________________________________________

p/s: "I can't smile without you because i'll never find someone like you baby...when I hold your hands, I'll never gonna let you go as i promised and as it is in the picture in this post too..Happy Anniversary Baby"

-[aLbY]-
Day 33

Somewhere . . .

My soul is lost somewhere else, i don't know where is it, but i know it's somewhere...which i'm forbid to be there! :'( i'm lost, where are you? I needed you so badly, where had you been, where are you baby? :'(

-[aLbY]-

Confession of the truth . . .

Time flies really fast, without noticing, years have passes by, and i'd my eyes opened to see many things in life. What most precious in my life is having you appearing to be in my life, i didn't lie yet i didn't fake around. I don't need to be fake to you no matter what it is baby. The moment i hold your hand and you were hold, i've told you before, i'll never gonna let you go...it's been years i've been saying it over to you, i mean my words because i really love you very, very, very much! My love for you had never changed since before, thus, i love you more each day since those days..i know i've hurt you before, i'm apologizing a billion and infinity of times! I miss you really very much baby..i remembered Twilight the movie, you said you hoped that we could be as lovely as them in the movie in our relationship, i promised i said we will be, and no matter how hard it is for me, i'll still make it happen because you're part of my life that as though the both of them in the movie! No matter how or what, i've never stopped loving you before, i've really been very serious towards the relationship, it's for you, this is all for you, to believe and to trust, "Alby, is still always been the one you claimed to miss and that loves very much..". I'd never betrayed you in my life before, never, i'd never lied to you about the past before either, never, i'd never been regretted of whatever happened within us, but to be more loving over you EXCLUSIVELY JUST FOR YOU ONLY my baby...


I've tonnes to tell you, we've tonnes of things haven't been done together yet and i've so much more love haven't been expressed to you yet too baby... I love you for real baby, please forget of the past and let us start all over again! You've shine me in my life, i don't wanna lose someone we both know having "you love me and i love you for real..", we must keep to our words.. I kept to my words, and i'm also changing to be a better person for you baby!



It was written on somewhere for me on the 1st October 2006, do you remember this? I will nver forget this post you wrote to me! You ONLY wanted my LOVE, i'm going to tell you, you'd ALL my LOVE already baby...i've kept things well in good condition and i still have this with me, you claimed you eventually found "the person" you always wanted, which is ME. Right till today, i love and i definitely still care for each and everything of you baby, I'm definitely the person you'd always wanted, and i'll change my bad habits for a better times together.. Don't go baby, please don't go, don't leave me here all alone in my days and nights without you but just tears, i don't want to live without you baby.. :'( a night that matches my feelings, raining heavily now!~ goodnight everyone...

????? - Wang Lee Hom
This song comes in a very deep truth meaning to me, because of you, i never knew this song, because of you, i'll never fall for you so much deeply, because you dedicated this to me, i promised, i'll always love you and today, i promised, for whatever that we've lost, we'll find it back and i'll never gonna hurt you like those days anymore! For you, i'll never give up in this magnificent relationship and times i have with you...i'll just have you only baby...Love ya...

-[aLbY]-
Day 28

='(

**This is just a random song which i love since years back only...**

:'( the most wonderful times i'd was having you loving me...i need you so much! Where are you now baby?! Where are you? :'( i'm missing you so much!!

-[aLbY]-

Tears.

Exclusively dedicated for you..

p/s: "I do not want to waste any chances or time available as i'm fortunate to have you in my life, you will always be, and i always will love you as how we were used to be the sweetest couple ever...I LOVE you sincerely baby.."

-[aLbY]-

Shower me with your love.

Depression. It really kills me and the pain is really pain into the heart. What happened these days? I encountered people telling me there're hypocrites in my surrounding/around me. Why? What have i done to "you people"? Have i ever touched any single thing of your life? NEVER! The worst was saying that i'm being disloyal or a worst word to say, i betrayed and scandal around and also accusing me that i've been hiding the truth that i used to be with somebody i'm close with for sometime? Are you people having mental disorder? Why are you all making my life way much more miserable? :'( *tears drip while confessing* WTF HAVE I DONE TO YOU GUYS AND WHY SHOULD YOU PEOPLE GAVE ME A FUCK UP LIFE? I'm losing trust within the people in my surrounding! The people i trust and love most has always been with me eventhough if there were hypocrites or we'll ignore them together, but i don't have it now, :'(, all i need is your love baby! I've never been this "betrayed" before, i couldn't take it! Who shall i trust? Who shall i share it with? :'( ONLY you....i'm ain't a fucking bastard, i'm ain't like those fucking asshole who spreads the fucking rumours around kind of person! I neither have the time with these fuckers! Why are you fuckers giving me such a miserable life?! I've done nothing...............nothing...............of those before!!!~



My dad had a talk with me earlier, it was random, but at least they knew no matter what i do, i'll never overboard or even won't turned to be how bad as i was accused to be! You're the one i love most, and also the who suppose to know me most too, i've never been filled with so much of love before, that only happen to be YOU who had been giving it to me baby! It's your love, everything that you gave me is what i wanted....i know i may not be your Mr.Perfect baby, but i'll really improvised myself to be a better person! What's really true i've never been fake, cheating on you or lied before!! :'( i've never even have any thought of taking ANY advantage on my love ones before, and it'll never happen on you too! I'd really been serious and true to you..

Your grasp in my hand fills me most with love, you made me feel most and the safest to be with baby..please trust me, i'm never gonna hurt you like those days anymore! I've learn my lesson sufficiently, i don't need anymore lesson to experience, what i've been saying is been true to you, and it isn't a single word is a lie too! I miss you so much, i miss you like crazy, i miss you grasping my hand too baby... :'( i really had never lied or anything that shows i dis-love you before..

-[aLbY]-

For once in my life.

For Once In My Life - Michael Buble

For once in my life

I've got someone who needs me

Someone I've needed so long

For once unafraid

I can go where life leads me

And somehow I know I'll be strong

For once I can touch

What my heart used to dream of

Long before I knew

Someone warm like you

Could make my dream come true

For once in my life

I won't let sorrow hurt me

Not like it's hurt me before

For once I have someone

I know won't desert me

I'm not alone anymore

For once I can say

This is mine, you can't take it

As long as I know I've got love

I can make it

For once in my life

I've got someone who needs me

p/s: "For once in my life, you've given what's best to me in my life, brighten up my life too. I'll never let you go, as i know i'm an imperfect person, but at least i've a heart that loving you faithfully and truthfully! For once in my life, i ever heard from my beloved of all those i've been thru with says 'needed me' or 'i couldn't smile without you'. I (heart) you baby, i've never had this feeling of loving ones by giving everything. I may be stupid at times, but i'll correct myself to the Alby you used to know, he's not dead! If i were to cheated on you, i wouldn't be loving you so much and not letting you go...i know i've disappointed and hurt you before, for once, if you really love me (since before), we will still get things back and better than before too...for you, for once in my life, i love you very much only, we will settle down things together happily..."

Love,

-[bEE]-

Why I love you so much.

For you,

Baby, no one else i would love so much as much as i love you! And no one would love me as how you love me that changes my everything in life. Please, forget the past, let's start all over again and make it better than last time as you claimed...you won't lie, and you'll keep your words to me!!~ :'( i miss you so much baby........

-[aLbY]-

Today, nevertheless, I still love you.

It's till today, i still love you as much as how i used to. You hold my breath, you hold my soul, you hold my life..it was as though it just happened yesterday or the day before, but nevertheless, it has been for years. No matter what i've done for you, i've always been using my heart to succeed for you. I may have done something which had hurt you in the previous time, but i've learned my lesson well, truthfully, i'll never do that to you anymore, today, and even the future. I'm sorry for what happened last year, i admitted it was all my wrong that made you went "lost". Baby, if you were thinking that "i don't love you", "i don't appreciate you", "i'm not serious to you" or "i'm being cold to you", those were what thought, in fact, the truth, i took you seriously yet been appreciating every single moment being with you, neither had been cold to you before as i've been opening all my heart to have you loving me back. I'm sorry of my arrogance on certain issue, i'm sorry of my defensive arguments towards certain issue, i'm sorry for what made you been "assuming" i wasn't true to you...

Every single moment, single words and single things you've done for me, i remembered them very very carefully. From the moment we were together, i've taken you as part of my life whose walking on the journey together encountering the obstacles we've been going through, staying strong overcoming it. I've always wanted to "settled down" things with you...i've never been fake to you before too! Would we be together this long, if i were being fake to you from the beginning? No, and NEVER, i've always been true to you. Each and everything you told me from day 1 we met, i've been remembering it yet i knew it was "childish" of myself thinking some fairytales between us. But indeed, it was all as thou fairytales before, i love you for what and who you are...just as what most people thought in mind but i know many will be thinking including you will assume, "don't dream of it". I ain't dreaming, but from when we knew each other, everything had became true and there was where love developed from then onwards. By referring to the most recent case, Rihanna was assaulted by her boyfriend, Chris Brown, and then Chris Brown was charged to be in prison for 9years for what he'd done on Rihanna, but what's next? Rihanna love Chris Brown very much, they were married last saturday at Miami at P.Diddy's mansion. Chris Brown apologized, begged for forgiveness and proposed to her, eventually Rihanna was surprised of the sudden action by Chris Brown and have agreed yet confessed 'I can't live without you'. Baby, i knew i've done something that hurt you so badly before, but i've changed, in terms, i won't be doing that anymore, i promised! I'll never break this promise i made because you're what's most important to me in my life. I know i'm ain't a Mr. 100% Perfect, but i've really been working it out with my weaknesses. All i need is you to forgive me of what i've done before, you've gave me a great "lesson" before this, and i've really learned from my mistake today. I'm very sorry baby...please forgive me, i'm really intended to be with you to settle down to be your man. I've always been faithful towards this relationship and you, i'm only seeking for your true forgiveness to settle things down together...i wouldn't have high expectation as how Rihanna couple have, but i only require you to forgive, and to love and trust me like how you used to...i was the Alby you used to know, yet i'm still the Alby you used to know, who's so much loving you to accept who he is for a better times together as you've said to me you wanted the both of us to forget and forgive the past, then to get things back becoming even better than before..

Your words, your actions towards me are most influential to me, i've never forget a single thing of you, even whatever things we've been through all these years...baby, i wouldn't deny anything from you, but i only wanted you know to stop thinking of the negative thought in your mind, but you're whom i met that i never thought we could flourish our relationship till the extend me too don't wanna live without you! You were the one who shine me in the night even when there's no stars or sun, you were still the one i most wanted to be with...

'I am always your honey bee, and you're always my beloved on the plane...'

p/s: "Love you till the bottom of my heart..."

-bEE-

Truth.

I'm depressed. I do not know why and how, but the truth is i've never don't appreciate neither don't take one relationship seriously. It's been this long, i'm still being thought as a person who don't appreciate my beloved kind of person. How much have we been through, how much am i been trying to get your heart back, you've seen it. I admitted my mistakes which i lied and hurt you about the incident last year, yet that have taught me a huge lesson in life. Then onwards, i've never ever going to think about that incident anymore. After that long time of break, we got back, things been coping up, on and off, it broken down cause of misunderstandings at times. I've been true and appreciating you all this while since we got back! I don't fake, i'm ain't a pretender, neither a would be fake to you. I love you till the bottom of my heart, i will never deny i've been cold nor reluctant to you before too, you may be sensitive over it, but i've been true, i swear, and i did promised you that I'll never gonna hurt you anymore, i really didn't been cold or reluctant to you before. The lied i made last year, was my mistake, but ever since then, i've been true to you. I may be slow, i may not be that spontaneous, but i've been having a dull life without you for SIX MONTHS last year, i slowed everything down in my life, i became indecisive, i became slower in thinking, i became someone who's not really myself. I'm seeking for infinity of apologies, i'm not blaming you at all, but i just need your patience and love for me to recover from the SIX MONTHS of loneliness and dull life without you. The biggest mistake i've done had changed myself to someone i felt fed up of too. I knew you'll have a lot of doubts, a lot of questions, a lot of queries in your mind that "does Alby love me?", "do you appreciate me?", "have you been serious to me?", "do you take me as your lover?" etc..

ONE word for all the questions above, YES, i've always been appreciating you, i've always been serious towards the relationship (unlike those days anymore because i've learned my lessons), i've always been taking you not just a lover but even my life partner and for a definite answer, i definitely love you with all my heart yet till the bottom of my heart baby! You've got me wrong all this while, you've thought of me wrongly that i'm ain't like the fuckers or the bastards you've been thru with before. You can assume i am the same as them but i never lied to myself or even to you that i don't love you as you think, in fact, I LOVE YOU very very much deeply baby! The mistakes i've done, i've never deny before, and i've been doing all my best to give you the best from me. You've been mis-seeing me that's why you thought so. There's nothing i want from you EXCEPT you, your love and your trust! My love for you NEVER fade off before, i didn't treated you cold too but you had assume too much these days. I'm still the same Alby you used to know, i've never had a change of heart nor a change of feelings on you before. I may be blur and slow at times, yet i've been coping to change this attitude too! You're whom i gave everything to, you're whom i love most, you're whom i wants to live with...you're definitely not as what you thought i don't love, don't care, don't take it serious or don't appreciate you at all! I'm never that person towards you because i was the one who had been saving the relationship, the person who loves you won't tried saving the relationship so many times if they don't love you truthfully baby...and i love you truthfully yet sincerely! :'( what i said that what i've been doing for you was just to make you love me even more back baby......i'd it all written in all the hand made cards i made exclusively for you and they're all true words from my heart to you..please don't go baby!!~ bEe loves you for real from day 1 right up till today......

-[aLbY]-

I'm Yours.

p/s: "You wouldn't know but i'm gonna tell you and let you know that, I'm yours...

-[aLbY]-

To be here with you.

A long day, and night, whatever that i've been doing and done is just to be with you, to be here with you. Everyday and night, i've been thinking of you, just to be with you by never letting you go. Where are you for the day? Where are you for the night? :'( i've been searching for you, but where were you baby???

-[aLbY]-

Keep holding on, With you.

You're never alone because i've always been with you, keep holding on and never give up easily ESPECIALLY towards "us" because i know we'll make it through...



With you, no one else i would go or even think of, but only you! You make me fall in love with you, you're whom i want to be with, and that's YOU baby! I don't want anybody else but just you...and that's why i dedicated this for you tonight! :'( *miss ya*

Goodnight readers...






-[aLbY]-