WTF isn't it?! I parked inside Lot10 for approximately 13hrs, there's no MAXIMUM RATE! My entire life had never paid this f*cking expensive for parking before especially shopping mall! RM35 can do so much! Moreover, the day before that, I parked my car at Pavilion, and that already cost me RM15 (maximum)! Then now another RM35, my weekend parking cost me RM50/week! KNNCCB!!!!!! EVERYONE, NEVER PARK YOUR CAR IN LOT10 or the surrounding if you're planning to stay for long or on the specific time they have a flat rate!!!! What a GOOD experience!
Woohoo....I've got into the FEMALE Magazine's 50s Most Gorgeous! Kindly vote for me, I'll appreciate all of the voting that counts for the winning! :D Click on the link to vote for me! VOTING period is only up till 30th Nov 2009!
Sorry for the late update of the MIFW-09 post! Anyway, I was invited for the MIFW-09 on the 7th Nov 09 by one of the participant designer, William Liew. It was due to a competition I joined and Will said to sponsor the contestants for the show with guestlist. So we attended the FantastiqueMen show in collaboration with Larrie, MadMub, Daniel Cho, William Liew, Key Ng, STUD as well as Lustro. Thank you William for the invitation and the sponsor of the shirt to attend the event. I've attended last 2yrs MensFolio@MIFW-07 before, so this year I'm glad that I'm invited directly from the designer! :)
Here's the schedule of MIFW-09 and pictures I took during the event as well as for the Gala Night@Closing Ceremony too.. BUT before that, have a look at my invitation and the schedule then the pictures of the show! :) Enjoy...
The MIFW-09 Master Schedule..
The invitation for MIFW-09, FantastiqueMen@7th Nov 09...
And here's the compilation of the pictures I took during the runway starts! The models are super cool! Wow...no matter they are guys or gals! Between I've a few friends who walked the runway too! Hahaha...well done Ian@Yen, Jojo and Lawrence..
Best Female Model of the year goes to Tinie, and Best Male Model of the year goes to Ikhwan! Congrats!
It's a great show and I appreciate the invites for the show this year! Thanks!
There are so much for me to post up, but I've got no time this few days!!! MIFW 2009 post! Gosh...right now gonna post a very quick one of the Ford Model Search Audition I went last Sunday! It was random, I met a friend on the Saturday while attending MIFA, so he asked me to try it out for the Ford Model Search Audition. I was aware of the competition but never thought of trying it! He asked me to try it out, so I decided to go for it on Sunday after some meeting. I went for the audition with a few friends about 3++pm, there wasn't many contestants, we went for a short photoshoot to allow the judges recognize us. So yea, luckily I got a not-bad-one! Hahaha...well, during the first audition, they asked me questions, common random questions! So I answered, hopefully I did impressed them! There goes I got into the 2nd audition which is scheduled at 5pm on the same day. Ford Model Search Audition is only open for 2days, last Saturday and Sunday. Then, I went for the 2nd audition, WOW, they asked bunch by bunch guys to stand in front of them, then they'll pick those the judges wants to. They'll select top 30 for the first round. And the news is....I GOT INTO TOP 30! HAHA...here are some of the pictures during the auditions! Enjoy...
Here I come...my contestant number! 124!
The process...
Here's the picture they took for me for the judges!
This is anther same picture only, nothing much!
This is where the contestants were waiting for the result to get into Top 30!
This is a picture of the judges making their decision!
That's all for now, I'll try to update the MIFA post soon people. I gotta head to bed now as I'm having my first shooting later from 7am onwards till 10pm (scheduled)! Wish me luck...I'll do my best later!
Here are some update of what I've been doing recently, that's why I haven't been blogging for 2weeks! Anyway, HOORAY for the first things first, all my assignments are done hand submitted! Secondly, my FYP is finally submitted with 2days of deferment too! YES! My stress totally FREE-ed! What I've been busy of to have no time for update is the rush of my assignments as well as the FYP! Sigh, been thru alot these few weeks, it's really a hectic time to go through but I'm finally free today! Now, what I'm confronting is the final exam! WTF? 2days after my submission of FYP, it's my exam? WTH? 2nd, 4th, 6th and 9th of November! DAMN!! I've so little time to prepare, and I've screwed the first one! SIGH...anyhow, it's the war for the next 3 papers! I gotta make it to free myself, then my final presentation for my FYP, that's it! I'm officially GRADUATED after studying for 4yrs in the uni! Damn....time flies!
Anyway, here are some pics of my FYP. Check it out!
WOOHoo.....150+ pages of documentation for my FYP! COOL........... :D
Aight, that's it for the meantime, will update more the previous events after my exam or ASAP when I got my internet back as it's been down for a couple of days! FUCK STREAMYX!!!!
Sigh, I know that this is random but I'm missing holidays! Only a few more weeks (less than 4weeks), then my 4yrs course will be officially completed! And I'm graduating by then,...I miss holiday but the same time missing college life! It just so happened that I was checking my mail, I found this! I'm missing a place similar to this..
This isn't Penang, FYI! It's just a random picture I saw in one of the forwarded mail by my friend. I miss Penang! Sigh, everything of Penang I'm missing now! I wished I could make my trip to Penang again after the "WAR"! Anyway, for those who haven't seen the actual Penang bridge, here you are, our Malaysia's Penang Bridge is also very beautiful as to compare to those in the overseas..
Here's our beautiful sunset view of the very popular Penang Bridge! I wish to go there the soonest for some FRESHER air than here in KL! Sigh...anyway, I'm still considering the trip as I'm with debt! :( shall pen-off...
I really wanted to post up more things, but time don't allow, I've been wasted a lot of time NOT doing anything this year, I'm totally screwed up! Guess what's worst? My FYP due has been extended to 2weeks later, which is on the 28th Oct 09, and what's worst? I don't seem to have touched anything much of it! I'm so fucking worried of it, it suck up all my credits to pass the entire course I've been acquiring all these 4years, I'm DOOMED and FUCKED! Apart from that, I've another 4assignments to be handed in as well, before and after the FYP due, then to my final exam which is like the latest due of my assignment is 30th Oct 09 if not mistaken? My exam falls on the 2nd Nov 09? WTF? I've only a few days to study everything I learned throughout the semester! Fucking screwed up my life! I'm a total saddist yet a fucked up kid today! I'm so spoilt, I started....argh, fuck it seriously! Everyone, stay away from me as some have already done so, please go away everyone! I don't want to spoilt myself and then you all as well! :( I'm so sick of myself....when I'm suppose to be FULLY STRESSED UP before graduating and then to be a happy graduate BUT it turned out to be a disaster today! I'm so fucked in my life today! God, please help me, please save me out from this saddist sickening of my own world, PLEASE! I don't want to spoilt my life anymore, I don't want it anymore, it's tiring, it's very very tiring! :'( Although everyone has been seeing me partying around, slacking and doing a lot of wasting-time-matter, no one will ever understand the inner of myself because physically I'm portrait as a spoilt and fucking don't bother of anything at all! I can't help myself anymore to go on my life if this really reached till the next 2weeks, I'm really worry....I hope that my 'hair problem' wouldn't get worst than current as I'm really hoping it could recover the final 20% of possibility of my current situation! :'( please God, I need you....
From today onwards I'll be on a long term medication condition for my hair loss control and re-growth. Many people has been wondering why am I always with my cap or something to cover on my head or probably having my head shaved bald this recent years. Yea, let's open up to admit that I've been having hair loss since the age of 19, when I just got into the tertiary life. Life never been such miserable as today due to the condition of my hair, is making me depress everyday and night. Now below here is the medication I'm going through for the next 2-3years given by a specialist. Believe it or not, I've a friend who has been taking this medicine for the past 2years since the last time we met not till we bumped back onto each other, he was having hair loss, till last year, I saw him again, everything went back to normal, I was really amazed with the result of the medicine or the medication he was taking. Amazingly, I've been blinded over the years, never knew there was such specialist in SS15 Subang!
Finally I've listened to his advise and consulted the specialist, I was told that I'm confronting hormonal imbalance. Well, I remembered my hairline started thinning when I had my hair dyed for the 3rd or 4th time when I was 19. Anyhow, the medical fee isn't cheap at all, 1month of supply of day and night tablet as well as a hair tonic before bed, cost me RM240! I hoped this isn't gonna be the same for the rest of the days I'm going through! Approximately, RM2.8k - RM2.9k/year! Gosh...moreover, the specialist told me that overall, it'll recover by an additional of 20% of the current condition! Sigh...I'm really upset of this statement, I really hoped I could have what most the adult/youngster/youth has but isn't a bald headed guy where...I'm always being insulted, teased, or laugh, or even disappoint many of my head! :'( I hope this medicine could really help me to have my hair recovered by the end of the days! Please keep my confidence boost up! I really need my confidence back, I'm lack of confidence and everything! I need it back so badly...like a normal human being! Sigh...I really need T(Tender).L(Love).C(Care) so badly! :'(
I love this song very very much, it means a lot! Because I've no more idea how am I suppose to express my feelings anymore. I'm feeling dull and lonely, I'm so lost yet been lost for sometime! I'm trying to get things back at right track but it don't seems worked out. All I can say is what is sang in the song. I've been through a lot, really a lot of things, but in the end, I'm still thought as a naive, childish, annoying or not-bother-type of person. As I said, I've been through many things this 7months time, the worst had bypass, and amazingly I'm still alive today. Really collapsed and met in terrible car accident without injuries before! Really close to death, but I'm still here today, alive. It all seems to happened yesterday, but the fact, I've been living in the past for too long, thinking of the reminiscence of the past and the ups and downs I've been through...without moving on. Today, I seems to be fine, but it is just my physical afterall, I'm lonely, I'm depress, I'm spoil, I'm disappointed, I'm really demotivated and losing all my confidence of myself! Been trying to do a lot of things to boost up my confidence and forcing myself to forget everything, but it failed too. Till the end, I was still told to be the heartless person on Earth. Without you, without who I am today, because of what you've said to me, I know I'm no longer in your heart, but just memories...which means I've to move on with an open heart no matter what it is. Pictures, memories, places we've been to, moments we've been through, the good and the bad times,...kept me thinking non-stop!
The truth today, no matter what I do from yesterday, today or till tomorrow, you'll never want me back. Afterall these years, although the reminiscence of past kept passing through my mind or my heart, you'll never wanted me to go back by your side, because I've already became your footstep, the footstep left behind the sand, which are meant to remember, but not to enjoy together in reality anymore. The me today in your mind and heart, is only known as a word to describe, "nobody". I know no matter what, I still have to move on as you always hope I could like some other people, or what you've expected me to be, "a-mature-person" or some of your friends. I know I don't have anymore choice, but listen to this song, at least you'll know some of what I want to express to you...
A very random song introduced by a very good friend of mine last 6months back I guess. The artist have actually passed away. This is a very meaningful song, it recalls me off so much, as though....I'm the ONE like that, but...anyhow, enjoy the song...between, there're 2version here, pick any you readers like!
The revise version..
p/s: "The footstep is very deeply left, I don't know why aren't myself like you that can let go and took as though nothing had happen, as time passes by, the pain of abandoned and loneliness is still.....there! Happiness never last, by the end of everyday, sorrow the one been accompanying/haunting me only..."
It's a very unhappy night for me! Nobody would ever understand! *sorry if i repeated the past posts again although i've been saying i won't post such emotional post, but nobody could shared this feeling with me except for BLOG* Sigh...not much time left for my FYP submission, heard that there's extension, hopefully i'll utilise this time to finish it REALLY SOON PLEASE then i'll be graduating by then! Till then...
Something I wanted to share tonight, I rarely share this kinda news but, yea, I don't want to post something that.....people don't care! So here it is, surely you guys like it! WATCH IT! You'll be AMAZED with the HOTTEST NEWS! Hoho.............. :P
Round 1....
Continue in Round 2....
That's all, awesome isn't it? ENJOY? I'll try to post more of something not so about myself as...I know the bloggers or readers or stalker dislike, but WHAT TO DO? My only paradise to voice out that stick to me for years! Really years I've been blogging...sigh! Anyway, that's all for now... ENJOY your night!~
I knew it's been awhile, and I'm reporting myself back here to my own world@besties. So here is the story, I lost my Nokia 5800 XpressMusic, last week while I went outing with my mom after class. So we were determined to go Robinson, The Gardens to get a hat for my dad for their coming Shanghai trip (tomorrow night). Then we went over to Midvalley to check out the hats, nothing really suit the price, but it's too expensive. It's just a normal STALL, RM139.90 for a hat? WTH? It looks more alike those in Sg. Wang but the price is as high as sky! Sigh, so we walked to another shop, Tropicana Life, got one for my dad, RM59.90. Mom was happy, then we walked around, we arrived around 1pm, after that we walked back to The Gardens to look around, then we walked into Robinson, we saw a lot of things, did some shopping there thou, I saw a shirt and jeans which is displayed at the men section. NICE! So I decided to try it out as my mom was shopping for my dad and bro. Mom said it was nice, then everything is discounted by 10% only, by 6.30pm that day was Robinson's 2nd Anniversary. There's gonna be an additional of 10-15% off for every item. So, i tried it out again and again as usual for my shopping. I realized my phone was disturbing, so I took it out and placed it on the bench in the fitting room. After that, I decided to grab the stuffs and reserved them first as when the event started we'll have an additional 10-15% for Robinson members. After that, we went out without the phone (without realizing) and wanted to go for lunch, was walking to CK, I realized my phone isn't in the pocket anymore, then I ran all the way to the fitting room to check, it WASN'T THERE ANYMORE! :( sigh...I'm so FUCKED that time! It's the 3rd phone I lost since Sept08 till Sept09! Hate the luck I've since then till today! :(
First was my N73 (first Nseries), then my lovely N82 (best camera) and broke it because of....argh, then got a Nokia 5800 XpressMusic till...THAT DAY, sigh! Really not in a luck at all! "It" was right! My life...really.... :( been using my mom's phone for temporary, by the way, thanks for the concern for those who was concerning about me of the phone. I've been surveying which to get, I'm so used to touchscreen phone, was thinking of the same phone, then iPhone 3Gs (yea I didn't really like it but the new version seems way much better than the old one but....), too bad the phone is TOO COSTLY, I've checked Australia, UK, US, S'pore price, it's closely the same! I could get a BETTER deal if I bought it from Maxis under the contract, BUT too bad the phone I lost was contract to 2yrs and it's only 5months old! :( I really hate my life...such unlucky for the entire year, not JUST the phone. Then I did thought of N97, but I'm lack of cash, nothing in my account, such a sad case isn't it? I've became a spoil brat since 6-7months back, today I'm BROKE yet I lost ANOTHER phone! ARgh....finally after a week of surveying it over the town, I've decided to get the Nokia 5730 XpressMusic, for RM13XX! Sigh...wasted money, and time! It's really a bad year for me, I'm seriously depress of my life, tired of my life, tired of so much till...I'm collapsing today..
Only a few more weeks for my FYP submission and...I've started NOTHING! Basically nothing although I've updated some information onto my documentation. I'm really such a sad freak today...nothing much of this post, only an update that I've lost my OLD phone :( and got a NEW one few days back. To those who has my number (+ read this/happened to pass by my blog), don't hesitate to text/send me your number with your name. I'm saddist freak....sorry guys/gals!
No matter how much I love you right till today, you'll only walk further away from me.... :'( it's so suffocating, the night I tears because of some messages I read which hurts me so badly, tearsing painfully in my heart all alone! Afterall, I'm a useless and hopeless human being living on Earth! Goodnight!
WEeeeeeeeeeeeee..........finally I've finished my final paper, and I'm officially done with my uni life! All 4papers done, all 4assignment & presentation done, FYP submitted, only waiting for FYP presentation! Wohoo...I'm graduating!!!! Officially a graduate!!! Yeah....no more worries of my studies, assignments and exams anymore! :D after the final presentation I'm officially OUT TO THE REAL WORLD! Many things had happened in 2009, really too much, which I never have the time and also the feeling of posting them! Sigh...anyway, I won't write much for the temporary moment as it's late at this time, I only feel like posting a post after I finished everything of my studies! I'll post more soon aight! Here's my hard bound@2nd set of FYP!!!
This piece of hard bound cost me RM30 ok!!!! Haven't added with the printing!!! GOODNESS.....................alright that's all for tonight!~
Sigh, I realized I couldn't really hide things anymore. People in the surrounding, family, friends...they are all mostly could see that I'm unhappy and stressed up! Sigh! I really can't make it! These days everyone is busy rushing for their exams and finals before the year end comes and my year end only will start after Nov09! By then, my studies and college life will be ended! :( anyway, I must keep it up to put up a smile to everyone always even if I'm not! That's all I can do to make people in my surrouding happier than worrying or maybe annoyed! This is a song that I've been listening, but, why didn't it become true staying with me still? Sigh....sigh....sigh....I'm so depress and really depress over a lot of things these days. There're so many that I wanted to share it out but no one that I could, there're so much of things which I'm worried about but no one is there to keep me supported! I hate my life...I seriously hate my life... :'( goodluck Alby!
你的爸爸妈妈 不会随便让你嫁 Your parents will not let you marry as you please
有财能够(才能)讲话 If you have money then you can talk
你君降临天下 You rule the land
单位价格太浮夸 A unit is too extravagant
除非可以刷卡 Unless I can swipe my card
你的要求 让我发抖 Your demands make me tremble
已经拥有 Already possess it
还没有拥有的 够不够 If I didn’t have any possessions, would it be enough?
够不够 做你的宝贝 Would it be enough to be your baby?
Do you know how it feels Every time that you say goodbye (goodbye) (Please don't say goodbye) Do you know how it feels Every time that you make me cry Don't break my heart
Oh 我对你的爱 在世上难买 Oh, the love that I give you is hard to buy in this world
要是错过 我也无能为力 If I missed it, then I am powerless
你想开宝马 You want to drive a BMW
我和我的Toyota是否让你尴尬 Me and my Toyota, does it embarrass you?
你最爱卡拉 我对戴蒙有看法 You love carats the most, I have an unfavorable view towards diamonds
你说我是傻瓜 You say that I’m a fool
你的朋友说我太瘦 Your friend says that I’m too skinny
怎么不在意 我对你的爱够不够 How come they don’t pay any attention to if I love you enough?
够不够 是否能体会 Is it enough? If you can understand
Do you know how it feels Every time that you say goodbye (goodbye) (Please don't say goodbye) Do you know how it feels Every time that you make me cry Don't break my heart
Oh 我对你的爱 在世上难买 Oh, the love that I give you is hard to buy in this world
要是错过 我也无能为力 If I missed it, then I am powerless
Baby tell me 如果我离开 Baby tell me, if I leave
Oh 要是我不再与你合拍 Oh, if I am no longer in harmony with you
再不会有我在这里等着你 I won’t be here waiting for you again
再没有我的安慰 Won’t have my comfort again
我会心碎 I will be heartbroken
只剩下我每一天每一天在回味 It’ll only be me left pondering over it everyday
失去你 失去爱 世界不再美 Losing you, losing love, the world is no longer beautiful
Do u know how it feels Every time that u say goodbye (goodbye) (Please don't say goodbye) Do u know how it feels Every time that u make me cry Don't break my heart
Oh 我对你的爱 在世上难买 Oh, the love that I give you is hard to buy in this world
I dislike the feeling seriously, it's almost killing me to death and I really hoped I could just collapsed and forget everything happened in my life, but that would never happen unless I've my head knocked onto the wall! These days, I'm so much of stress of so many things around, studies, assignments, FYP (due 14/10), personal life, feelings, emotions, health, hair.....sigh, its a fuck up life! It's so stressful and suffocating! I just need someone to understand and concern about me, why is that so hard? Haven't people know what am I? Am I really a bad person to be with? I knew that I'm imperfect in many sense, what can I do when I was born to be imperfect? Sigh...I'm still not touching any assignments including my FYP!
I've been sleeping very late recently, 5am? 6am? 7am? 8am? or even 9am! Sigh...seriously the insomnia is killing me! Its so suffocating, I'm feeling so tired everyday and night, often doze off in the class while the lecture going on, or even just slept on the desk or rather skipping classes by giving MCs! Sigh, parents and sis have been complaining over my outing, and sleeping hours, I couldn't make myself to stay at home THINKING! What am I thinking? I don't need I need to spill this out as it's obvious to those who knows me well or are close to me, but....why is it so? :'( so many things happened and parents are screwing me up, car got bang at the back WITHOUT noticed in the college last few weeks, scratches, dented and ARGH my bumper became loose, then now my air cond stinks, smells so badly whenever I started my engine, then what else? MONEY! I'm broke, so broke that I.....argh, fine I don't want to talk about that, but I'm alike a beggar now, doesn't have anything at all! Sigh...mom spoken to me this afternoon, threw all the things that dad said to her about me, we were arguing, and also have been arguing with my parents these days, for some issue, I'm so stressed up! Sigh...eventually I really can't take it, nobody understands my feelings, understands me at all why am I out so often and didn't want to get back home! :'( home definitely won't know cause I didn't want any of my family to be worried of me as I'm an adult today, I didn't want to trouble them so much of my stuffs/problems! Mom eventually tears talking to me, I was freaked out! I really don't know what should I do, but I got even more stressed up, I can't take it, I really feel like moving out for a couple of days or weeks. Yet I was so tired, my mood wasn't stable, yet was like "yelling" over my mom whenever I spoke to her, SORRY MOM! I DIDN'T MEAN IT but I really want to have my own time for myself to be emotional or whatever thing...does anybody knows about what's happening in my life? No, because I learned to keep things to myself and I don't see anymore reason that I shall share it out to anybody as nobody actually cares for me...
I'm really feeling restless and hopeless in my life...what shall I do? I've 2mths more to graduate! I'm feeling so restless and demotivated now...I really can't take it anymore, I'm getting weaker, my will is becoming weaker....the entire me is getting weaker and.....I really hoped I could collapse one day then have a few days of "comma" life...get extinct for a short period of time...sigh! What a life, nobody understands me, nobody rather wanna understand me, nobody ever understand the real me...which I'm always being thought as a fake person and being ignored... :'( why can't "we" make our dream come true after all...
I really dont know where shall I start, where shall I continue from, for my assignments and FYP! My mind is just not working, and I really don't feel like continuing this anymore... I felt like stopping my studies! I'm so moodless and feeling restless over my days of life.. Sigh.. can someone tell me or lead me till the end of the semester? I'm really lost, lost in life, lost of aim and everything! I'm feeling really really restless over the days.. Becoming a spoilt brat, spending my money non-stop and spoiling my health, as well as myself! I'm really fucked-up! Having a fuck up life that nobody would understand. Wanting a life I wish to, is just so hard and suffocating to achieve to make it return! What a night...doing NOTHING! Goodnight and God bless me...
If I had to live my life without you near me The days would all be empty The nights would seem so long With you I see forever oh so clearly I might have been in love before But it never felt this strong
Our dreams are young And we both know they'll take us Where we want to go
(Chorus 1) Hold me now Touch me now I don't want to live without you
(Chorus 2) Nothing's gonna change my love for you You ought know by now how much I love you One thing you can be sure of I'll never ask for more than your love
(Chorus 3) Nothing's gonna change my love for you You ought know by now how much I love you The world may change my whole life through But nothing's gonna change my love for you
If the road ahead is not so easy, Our love will lead the way for us Like a guiding star I'll be there for you if you should need me You don't have to change a thing I love you just the way you are So come with me and share the view I'll help you see forever too
I dreamt of something, I recall this clearly though it was a hard day I been thru, it was about me having a happier life with you. Nevertheless, I knew that to you, miracle isn't a thing to happen on me, but I just couldn't do it at all. I don't want to live for the rest of my life like now. Sam Li has always been my favorite artist, I remembered the first time I heard of his song was with you, and you were the one that I knew who Sam Li is and fell for his songs although you've told me you don't really favor his songs. If you eventually remember what I mean, which moment was it when the album was launched at that time...what were we, what do we do, and how are we, but unlike today, like now...so lonesome and unhappy. This is how much I love you till...
Anyhow, coming back to reality, I've only a month more to hand in my FYP. Guessed what? I hoped I won't screw it up as it contributes the most to my certificate class! Sigh, 4assgmt + 1FYP which I've not started anything, I just have no more motivation to continue the finals to complete my studies. My motivation to study is fading off day by day, week by week, and I'm getting spoilt week by week, especially to my health and....anyway, wish me best of luck readers! I hope I could graduate gracefully by end year with what I want to get for my cert next year..
Another day, or weekend..watching the sunrise from dark to morning! My eyes and body are terribly tired. What can i do besides "getting wasted"? ='( goodnight & good morning to those whose already awake! I miss....something in life!
I really thought I'm the heartless ghost, don't know how to understand others, or even remembering things (important event)... I really can't take it anymore, there's no wrong missing one who don't miss you, but missing one so badly till it kept me awake and didn't want to get home every night yet stayed up till sunrise, I'm collapsing! I can't afford to play the "game" anymore, I admitted to be a loser, I'm unable to play such "heavy heart" game anymore! I always thought there's a point of why I'm still so much in love with one person, one that changes my life, that beautify my love, one whom I always think of, missing, and love so much although there's no respond and even watching them with their other half (new)! I've been feeling such restless, helpless, HOPELESS and USELESS all this 7months (coming soon)! I really thought that "true love" does exist and everything is true...I really still pursuing myself that it's true that you DO MISS ME, DO THINK OF ME, DO LOVE ME, but tonight, I realized its all pointless (maybe I'm deserved to be treated this way). My heart is broken, my heart aches so terribly, I've thought of many events inviting "someone" to join/go together, but I have to deserve to be like this, I know I'm often 'nobody' or 'no one' to anybody! :'( I've said to post up something really soon before, but I don't think it mean anything anymore now...
I wanted to leave this place very soon, the soonest I could... because I've been fooling myself all this while, and also realized there's no point of living with all my sorrowful alone that I've always been true to everyone! I know I don't deserve anything, everybody gets bored with me, gets suckup/fuckup with/while being with me, and no life being in my surrounding. No one ever feels me! No one ever understands me! No one ever loves me! No one ever care or know-the-real-me! :'(
FYP due coming soon, 4 more assignments to go, 4 more exams to go, I've a bad feeling something bad is gonna happen to me, I couldn't share it because I'm not suppose to although I used to share everything to someone, but now, no one at all! I'm seriously very weak, very very weak! I've never fallen down till like this before like last thursday! I wasn't drunk at all, but I just collapse like that! :'( I never expected anything much from anybody before, but just something long lasting! Some concern, some love only...why is it has to make "suffocation" exist and "breakdown" happened! :'( I'm in severe suffocation from living everyday like this, and sleepless night!~ Do you know that I really love you????
I'm emotional tonight, it's so hard to put myself to bed! I really couldn't do it at all. The reminiscence of the past kept crossing by my mind and I couldn't forget or let it go at all! I can't put myself to bed at all, its 6++am right now, I've class at 9am till 6pm! :'( what can I do when my "other half" have moved on? What can I do to make myself like someone? How am I able to let go and forget the past when I've been thinking of you all the time? I really can't do it at all, although I'm being forced to let it go...why am I such a loser? Such a loser to everything...
Another scariest moment, my FYP is about to due during the mid of Oct09, and it's already towards the end of Aug09. I couldn't put my mind onto the FYP at all! I've been trying all these while, though I've been walking the journey of life all by myself, but you kept playing apart as the shadow which follows me like how we used to be together.. :'( It's very suffocating, I don't know how much longer I could bear this feeling and continue my daily life with all my tired and strenghtless attitude! Come to this, I almost met in an accident last evening while I was fetching my mom back home after visiting granny from the hospital in KL. While passing by the Old Klang Road outside Taman Desa, I actually doze off a few times, but I kept myself awake, before the traffic light, eventually I doze off and my front tyre ramp up the divider. Mom yelled and woke me up and said, "you actually slept while you drove just now? Haven't you been sleeping?..." I only nod my head and kept myself awake after that till I got back, and took 2+hours nap before I was out for dinner...I knew it's stupid, I knew everybody think that I'm stupid,...I just can't close my eyes while my mind has been thinking of "someone" all the time...maybe I'm still immature, "could take things, but not letting it go...". Everything we went thru together, has made my life today such a spoilt brat today... :'( I don't want it to be like this, but how? What can I do other than repeating my routine everyday and every week?!
Goodnight people, goodnight...I shall pen-off now, and will fulfill my words to do my write out as it's told in the previous post!
I've something to confessed, thou there're many readers who reads my blog. Thanks for visiting and the concern, but I've something to confessed really soon, as soon as when I've the right time to do the write up. I really need to do so, though I know many have been concerning and wondering who am I writing for, don't ask, I appreciated that, because I didn't want it to be known, not even personally, cause I guess I just wanted to confessed it all out with some rights for myself...as I'm feeling very uncomfy, in the heart, which many been wondering, but I just wanted some privacy for myself because I know somethings, aren't going on smoothly...and not coming back to me too! :'( nobody will understand how I'd feel...including the one who loves me most as well as my family! Thanks for reading this nonsense post but it'll be up really soon...
I don't like the feeling, I don't like the imagination I'd in my mind that keeps running here and there, FOOLING me! I can't take it, it's so tiring, my brain is feeling of to blast! "Human being never get what they wanted." Even no matter how committed I am, how much I've been thinking and missing one, others just never feels it! :'( especially when I'm alone at all time, when I have my eyes shut, I could see them in my dreams that they're always together.......everywhere! I really can't take it anymore....insomnia, reminiscence of the past, everything..............I hate myself for real! Why am I so determine, why am I not turning bad even if I'm trying hard to do it and to prove it? I wants to be a bad guy! I wants to be an asshole and just get spoilt! Though I've been spending overly within this 6months, but it isn't the worst yet! WHY I CAN NEVER LET IT GO AND FORGET IT WHEN OTHERS CAN!! Such a loser....such a lamer! Where's my beautiful 23rd?! Why am I still desolated and isolated till today?! I hate the feeling.......
Apart from that, my hair...SIGH...I'm really a saddist! Though many said that I looked good with my head bald like this or SHORT as this, but....seriously, I'm only a 22y/o adult! I need my youth life like any others where they can have their hair style and dyed! It's really heartbreaking each time i see myself comparing with the others especially those in my surrounding, at times many been teasing me a bald headed or NO HAIR, it really irritates me so much where i can barely say a word for myself! SADDIST! People just disliking me for being who i am, and what i am in the physical! There's a cure for it or maybe there is, but.....its too expensive for it! Parents aren't really liking me to take all this! People in my surrounding DONT CARE either,.... :'( what a sad night, what a sad youth, what a sad of myself. All i have is my blog, all i have is my blog that often kept me company and expressed all my feelings out! Nobody will understand, NO BODY WILL cause NO BODY cares! I'm tired of pretending nothing in front of everybody....I'm tired, and very very tired! It's so exhausting of wanting to make one to forgive you for your stupid mistake, for one to accept you for who you are, for others to be please to you, for others to be able to accept you and for others to understand ME! Why can't SOMEONE just understand me at all!! :'( life is just so.....difficult to move on! No matter how much one have experienced or been thru...
Why is that so hard to be loved by you, and for you to understand that i truely love you and had never been faked to you before? Why can't we get back although we've been missing each other and still loving each other? Why you can never open your heart back for me to love you at all? Did you know that it's so hard to live with a life you forcing me to let it go and acted nothing happened when i really love you so much?! :'( SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP ME!!! I'd enough of the tiring and loitering life from night till day! I'm weaker! God, stop fooling me anymore...please!!! It's very suffocating living like this everyday including normal days with no classes the next day or no activities even if i could rest longer, i'm still sleeping at 6+am!
It's been 6months, time flies, everything in the surrouding kept changing, but there is something which is still the same which i would want to share with. I know it's been sometime, though the duration can be considered long or maybe short, it depends how the individual would take it, but something never changed. I know that you were living alone waiting, and waiting, same goes to me, but there's something i would want to say here, "I love you, I love you till no matter how I couldn't stop loving you! I couldn't force myself to stop loving you too although at times I told myself for being stupid for loving you so much, till the end, I'm still loving you.." It isn't easy at all to really love one, and I've never said a single gossip about you neither been spreading any rumour unlike the hypocrites which has nothing better to do. Nevertheless, I've been asking yet still been seeking for your forgiveness cause I need you,...and I wanted you back! I know there were many stupid stories spreading around, but never left out my principal towards the relationship that I've never betrayed you before! Though I've made mistakes before in the past, but I've always bear that in mind that it'll never gonna be repeated again. 6months, 6months before the date today is the day we were separated, yet today, you're still playing a role in my heart, not just that, but part of myself. I've never give up on you before...we've been thru alot, really many things together, if love is so easily to fade off after so many years of being together, that wouldn't be love, but fake love, but I knew the "love" between us, are true, that we were suffering alot without each other within this 6months time. I know it's stupid to do this, it's stupid to wait, to depress, or to be anti-social or what so ever, but you're always the one that comes into my mind! The phrase written above in color font are words truely from my heart, I never fooled you, neither lied or being fake, but all I want is getting back by your side to be together happily...I love you baby, I couldn't deny I never think of you everyday and night, all I need is just another hope from you to me for us...that's all I've hoped for, our relationship...I hoped you could read this, and don't ignore me anymore...My love for you have never been faked before, it's all true and it's the true love that I've always been proving to you...and for that, and those we've been through are the memories that you'll never forget which I've never let you go before...I'm missing you so badly!~ :'( I love you..
Its been awhile, 6months, i really cant do it at all! :'( i wants to leave this place and be extinct! i want to have my brain wash everything in my life and forget of everything and live alone...no matter how true or how much i love you, you will never know that I LOVE YOU TRUELY.........i know im a disaster to you and everybody, im an emotional person, im known as one today, i admitted, but i've never said anything to anybody except keeping it to myself! :'( i really cant take it anymore, its very tiring and heartbreaking...can i just be extinct from Earth??????
1month, 3months, 5months, 1year? 2years? 3years? No matter how much I love you, in the end, I was still thought I never love you and appreciate you. I know it's only a few years to you, alright, I'll turn bad so that you wont need to suffer since I'm being hatred so much! I'm not a good guy, good friend, or a good boyfriend too! I know I deserve to be treated like this and to be alone...
Anyhow, Happy Birthday to my beloved mommy, I'll always love you and wishing you best of health and long life staying with me... I love you mom!!~
I'm very tired, I'm very unhappy, I'm very lonely...so what if I misses someone who doesnt know. You'll never know... ='( I'm exhausted, I'm very very exhausted yet I've been pretending go front of everyone that Alby is GOOD! NO I'M NOT! I'm getting weaker and weaker day by day...and I've to bring out a mask out to show everybody I'm in good situation! I need my 'pillow'! I need it to hug to sleep peacefully like I was a baby! ='( I cant bear it anymore, it's very suffocating... What can I do to ease the pain in the heart & mind???
Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to Alby, Happy Birthday to ME...
I'm officially 22now everyone, not 25, 27, 29, 32, or a daddy yet too! Those will be the days I'll pass thru later on...so wish me Happy 22nd Birthday! Thanks to all the friends/buddies/bro/sis/family/relatives which have celebrated birthday with me as well as greeted me on my birthday! I appreciate all the goodwills from all of y'll! Thank you very very very much...
p/s: More update of my birthday coming soon! Stay tune...
Its been a long time. I've been sleeping early morning everyday. EVERYDAY! Like what? 6am? 7am? Or 8am? Well, i couldn't change my appearance at all! Mature? Old? Worsten? Tired? Godlike which most have been saying? Im still myself in the end but...something is just not right and its missing in my life? Health is getting worsten by the days come.. ='( goodnight everybody who has been reading on my blog! Sweet dreams to those 'night rider'..sweet dreams & take care peopl! ='(
I've a dedication of song for you. I knew it could be bored to you as most of the words I've mentioned it before as in the lyrics, but all these are true words from me which is the same, as well as my heart is still the same to you, I still love my baby as much as before...
(with 3T)
(Michael) Why does Monday, come before Tuesday Why do summers start in June Why do winters come too soon Why do people fall in love When they're always breaking up, oh why Why do we love if love will die
Why does Wednesday come after Tuesday Why do flowers come in May Why springtime go away Why do people fall in love When they're always breaking up, oh why Why do I love you tell me why
(TJ) It's not like I can explain what's in my heart It's just I feel a crazy pain when we're apart I don't wanna breathe, I don't wannna think I don't wanna learn I don't wanna do anything
(Taryll) It's not like I can describe what's going on It's just I feel I'm not alive When you're not home I don't wanna sleep, I don't wanna be (TAJ) I just want you here beside me Without you there's no me
(Michael) Why does Monday come before Tuesday Why do summers start in June Why do winters come too soon Why do people fall in love When they're always breaking up, oh why Why do we love if love will die
(Michael & Taryll) Why does Wednesday come after Tuesday Why do flowers come in May Why does springtime go away Why do people fall in love When they're always breaking up, oh why Why do I love you tell me why
(TJ) It's not like I can escape, what's in my soul Cause without you inside my heart Where can I go (Taryll) I don't wanna see, girl you without me I can't go through life without you (TAJ) Without you there's no me
(All) Why does Monday come before Tuesday Why do summers start in June Why do winters come too soon Why do people fall in love When they're always breaking up, oh why Why do we love if love will die
(Taryll) Why do the rivers flow to the sea In every flow I get your love over me, babe Why does my heart miss your kiss To be in love, to fall in love Why don't I feel complete
(All) Why does Monday come before Tuesday Why do summers start in June Why do winters come too soon Why do people fall in love When they're always breaking up, oh why Why do I love tell me why
(TJ) Tell me why (TAJ) Tell me why (Taryll) Tell me why (Michael) Tell me why
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Of all these years, X has been very sensitive at most time, X couldn't resist if anybody gets close to Y, each time when Y has A, B or etc gets closer, X would get upset but when Y knows that X is being sensitive or also can be known as "jealous", Y said X didn't trusted Y. X thought of it that X shouldn't be that sensitive if X really loves Y as X wanted this relationship to be sustained for a very very long time. Therefore, X begin to be more positive, didn't really bother A, B or others existing anymore...both X & Y has very wide network of friends. Sad to say, there were many "unexpected circumstances" happened within the years, X have been accused over the years by many people that X isn't loyal to Y, X isn't a good partner, X treated Y very badly, X is not worthy, X is a player, X is just a useless person. Y was influenced many times, both X & Y argued terribly because of the rumours and hypocrites even during their "cold war" (brokeup situation). X had thank all those who tried destroying X's lifetime precious with Y too!
In the end, Y is also the decision maker whether to trust X or don't. But Y did told X before that "why shall we listen to others rumours/hypocrite as only the both of us knows whats happening?". X had even put higher hope onto the relationship because of this. But X has always been in dilemma because those hypocrites have been poisoning Y of X a liar, X is just faking to take Y for granted and etc. Nevertheless, Y trusted them because Y believe that third parties words are right at one point. X have been avoiding from meeting/bumping onto the hypocrites, but eventually Y was told that X is just fooling Y. Both X & Y argued terribly because of the hypocrites, Y continued to hate X because of the hypocrites & the "history" between them, X been trying to hold things and changed things back as before as though when Romeo was going after Juliet moment. Y didn't want to listen to X at all, X has been telling Y everything and apologizing for the reluctance X have done towards Y and forgive X and believe in X because X loves Y for the lifetime X wanted since the both have made many commitments to make this relationship to move further by another step. Y still insist not forgiving X, X have been trying over the months to save the precious relationship since they broke up until today, but on the other side, X knew that Y met Z and begin to get closer to Z. X knew that Z & Y are colleagues, X always believe that Y loves X very much, and even Y have made the commitment that no matter who it is, nobody could replace X because X is the one that Y will only love...X believe in Y in that case because Y have made such commitment towards X! X is very happy with the promise made by Y.
As day passes by, Z knew that Y & X have been arguing, Z have been accompanying Y all the time, X isn't in the picture at all, but sooner or later, X realized Y & Z begin to gets even closer day by day. X have been loving Y a lot, X have never stopped chasing Y back before because of all the commitments they made together which what both of them wanted in order to sustain the relationship to live together happily under the same roof which Y initially knows about it! But with Z's existing,...X never be in the picture anymore. X's heart is severely damaged now, X haven't been sleeping well over the months missing Y, thinking of Y, chasing Y back although Y have been rejecting X all these while, but X's determination has never been turn down before yet X is still in strong determination for this relationship because of all the things they have been through all these years. X loves Y very much deeply, but X don't know why does Y knows X over the years, but Y don't seems to get it through by Yself that X is really the one that have loved and being true over Y. There are many things spinning in Y's mind, X isn't a perfectionist, X isn't a 100% perfect partner, but X have been through so much with Y as compared to Z, X & Y should deserve to be together as many likes and also dislikes us being together. Y has been very good towards X, Y have isolated the words of A, B and others, then continue with X, but till an extend, Y begin to have ONLY negative thought in the mind. X is depressed, X has been worrying why does Y only has the negative thought but not thinking it positively instead.
X have been tearsing everyday and night over the months, craving to hope that Y allow the both of them to get back because X wants to have and live with Y only. X loves Y till the bottom of the heart, although the severe damage of the heart is in existing, but X never expected anything EXTRA other than Y's love and care before. X didn't want any gift, money or fame provided Y is by X's side. X have confessed to Y and everybody before that X didn't want to live without Y! Y did confessed to X personally before too...that's why the loveship by X to Y is still strong no matter what happens right up till today and hoped that Z would get out of Y's life, so that Y would consider to let X get back together with Y. X is always stupid doing all the stupid things, if X is really stupid for loving Y, then Y shall prove to X that X is stupid all these years...
2more upcoming meaningful event is coming soon..wondered how would it be this year? I shall pen-off by now. Nitez...
One day in your life you'll remember a place Someone's touching your face You'll come back and you'll look around you
One day in your life You'll remember the love you found here You'll remember me somehow Though you don't need me now I will stay in your heart And when things fall apart You'll remember one day...
One day in your life When you find that you're always waiting For the love we used to share Just call my name And I'll be there
(Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh...)
You'll remember me somehow Though you don't need me now I will stay in your heart And when things fall apart You'll remember one day...
One day in your life When you find that you're always longing for the love we used to share Just call my name And I'll be there
(Ohh...)
p/s: I've a confession to make for you baby, things you may never know how much I love you and how much you mean to me, it has almost been 5months coming soon. As what it is until today, one day in your life, when you call my name, i'll be there for you anytime back cause I love you with a heart that purely been loving you truthfully, it's stupid, I know, I also know many who reads this think that it's just all lies, I'm faking it, alright, I won't care any of their view on me cause my love for you since the day we begin, you've got my words right until today, I've never changed it or make it unreal before, "I'll never gonna let my hands of you.." I've always been alone, without you realizing, I've been missing you so badly, I knew that you'll hate one for long, and tell me about it, if my love for you all these years including all the things i've done for you, to you, are all fake, then i'll be forgotten, or else, as what it is sang in the song, "One day in your life", call for my name, and I'll be there for you, once and for all my life...loving you truthfully and faithfully! My love for you, is still the same although you weren't around, I'd been suffocating from tears, believe it or not I'm still telling you the truth that I love you baby....and I miss you very very very much!~
If you dont know me by now You will never never never know me
All the things that weve been through You should understand me like I understand you Now girl I know the difference between right and wrong I aint gonna do nothing to break up our happy home Oh dont get so excited when I come home a little late at night Cos we only act like children when we argue fuss and fight
If you dont know me by now (if you dont know me) You will never never never know me (no you wont) If you dont know me by now You will never never never know me
Weve all got our own funny moods Ive got mine, woman youve got yours too Just trust in me like I trust in you As long as weve been together it should be so easy to do Just get yourself together or we might as well say goodbye What good is a love affair when you cant see eye to eye, oh
If you dont know me by now (if you dont know me) You will never never never know me (no you wont) If you dont know me by now (you will never never never know me) You will never never never know me (ooh)
p/s: Did you know how much I'm missing you, you make me tears so much every night, could you please not ignore, abandoned or reluctant of me baby? I'm suffocating, everything, and I DID NOT PRETEND NOR BEING FAKE BEFORE as what you thought and as what all the surrounding says! :'( why is it to have a life with you is so difficult since its been over the years...i love you baby! I seriously love you with all my heart! :'(
nothing more that i can say! life is just so meaningful with all of my friends! nevertheless, i'll appreciate my life & my family & friends in order to keep myself surviving for a longer time happily then....
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