31st May, 2009

It's 7am, Sunday 7am, by right, i'm suppose to be a good boy, sleeping yet going to wake up in the next 2hours for breakfast with my parents on the early healthy sunday but...i couldn't sleep! I couldn't close my eyes, shut down my brain, nor even close my eyes at all! My bro on the bed sleeping snoring like no ones business but i'm still awake! I saw the sunrise from time to time! It isn't my first time, i saw it from my eyes, from dark to sunrise! The sky turned brighter and brighter every minute, as though every moment i'm passing by, missing one person deeply hour by hour, day by day! I miss you! I terribly misses the entire process staring at your eyes and face, holding your hands, talking to you...it's been 3months and 13days i haven't seen you! Though i did took a sneak peak at you somewhere, but that almost took my breath away. Every assumed i was the happiest person on Earth including you but in fact, i'm not at all. I remembered we were together, looking at the sunrise slowly...staring at each other's face, pampering each other by the forehead and hands holding tightly, i didn't just miss it, i eagerly wanted it back all from you so badly too! Many are having a hard time right now, i hoped to help, i hoped to be there, i hoped to keep them company...but i failed to do so as i'm unable to help in my problem. I knew there were many past that lead to many mistrust, misunderstanding or miscommunication but i'm always 24/7 there to correct it, make it right, getting your heart back to me only. Loving you isn't as like eating a favorite ice-cream, but it's the time and effort that we've been through in developing from scratch, from the time we don't know anything to everything we knew about each other today... I saw many couples by the road side, at the mall, in the car, cinema, restaurant, cafe, garden or club, but where's my precious? What about my precious love ones? No, i didn't betray, i didn't stop loving you, i never don't miss you for one moment, nor stop thinking of you before,... baby, you've always been not just in my heart and mind, but virtually as though you were by my side every moment, everywhere i go!~ you were the one that i sacrificed everything for, you were the one i gave everything to, you were the one i only love although there were tonnes and billions of people around, of all the things happened, nevertheless how bad one problem is, YOU ARE still the ONE Alby loves, cares, misses and...walks in my life! You don't just leave me footsteps or memories, you left me a big impact in life, learnt a lot in the lessons and discovered many problems in me. I admitted i was ego and stubborn in some sense, but my heart can never lie to anybody, you're always in my heart and most important in my life.

Indeed, it is true nobody couldn't live without anyone, but living with the one you love, the one you always have loved, the one you have put every single effort onto, is still the most beautiful thing ever compared to a lonely moment. Single is fun, single is free, single can be beautiful depending how one looked at it, single can be the richer than a couple, single can have no worries, single can be happy and many more but single can never be compared to a loving couple which have put every moment in developing it especially after all this years of ups and downs, obstacles and problems they've been through together! I can never deny the truth i wasn't at fault before, i remembered every single moment, every single thing, every single gift, every single words you've told me, every single facial expression, every single heartbeat i felt, every single smell on you, but i know i myself have to personality problem which you would assumed i wouldn't change to appreciate you more. I cherish you, i really do, i didn't tell any lies, what i've been doing, i really do for the sake of us, for us to be closer than anybody else, to be loving towards each other! You're everything, everything where there's nothing i want including money although it is important to everybody these days, but money couldn't give me a permanent happiness unlike while you were by my side, although it was just breakfast, lunch, tea break, dinner or supper together! Have you guys ever heard, 5minutes of happiness with your love ones could make your day anyhow better than anything else? Lets make a rough count for me for not seeing my love ones for 3months and 13days? It's been close to 150,000minutes i've not seen my beloved! I've suffered a lot for missing one so badly, though we've not met and been arguing or not talking to each other for long, i believe the old folks says that "loving one really with the heart or what most people known as true love" no matter how long or far the distance is between both the human being, their heart and soul is always belonging to the one they missed most! Let's make this clear, i admitted i'm the creature@human being (if there're still people who thought i am one) that loves YOU most, and had never gave up in holding you back to my arms by talking through and solving every mistrust and problems we had all these years for a better times together happily...

The sky is getting really brighter, and the sun is really rising shining direct through to my window, luckily my mom have changed my curtain to my favorite, a dark blue and white stripe curtain so it wouldn't be too bright even though the sun is shining at 12noon! I'm still awake, not really sleepy, i'm ain't a God, i'm ain't a superhuman, but i just misses someone too much badly!~ i've never thought it would be a waste of my time doing all this, i wouldn't have thought that you don't love me truely with you heart as we've been together for years, i belief the truth although we'd been arguing, the one in your heart though you hated most, you still have me as the one you love most apart from your family! I understood that nobody would understand the pain you've suffered from how and what i've hurt you before, but i reckon i'm the only medicine to cure unless you never love me before! I believe in fate, i believe everything starts for a reason, everything happen for a reason, and fate allowed us to be together is the greatest gift i've had in my life, not comparable with Gucci, Emporio Armani, a big house, a Ferrari, a millionaire or someone that has back his hair as he'd been having his hair loss over the years which is not recovering much though, you're still the most precious gift i've had in life! You gave me the best moment, the laughter that remains permanent, the sadness which have taught me a lot while growing to be more mature, the worries that i've learnt where i know you were the most important person to me and i don't wanna lose you or having you unhappy, the disappointment faced because of too much/high of expectation....you're still the one i love baby...i didn't lie, and i swear, i've never dare to lied anymore!~ I MISS YOU....really badly!

I've something for you, and it's mainly dedicated exclusively for you too.. Click here for lyrics!



Love,
-bEE-

.depression.

depression kills me. depression haunt me back in the night. depression makes me tears. depression hurts badly. why i'm forever not the one? i couldn't sleep at all at 5am. i'd been sleeping only 2-3hrs for the past few days. having class in the morning till evening and now, i'm back to my territory. having terrible heartache. tears non-stop flowing. why? how? what shall i do? why is it that i've been loving one loyally yet i still got nothing in return but a whole load of hurtful statements?! i can't take it. it aches deep into my nerves. assignment due later. 2 more next week. final year project midpoint by 12/6 yet i've done nothing. why is it i've spent so much time in developing everything for years, you can never understand the real me that i really been loving you truthfully?! :'( it's been 3months. i've always wanted to do something but i've got boundary from you. what the hell on earth i can do for you? why i'll never have any good return for loving one faithfully?! i'm lost. i'm unhappy. i'm upset. but i reckon depress should be the word to describe. been to the clubs to get drunk and not to think much. it's all because of you! it's all because of you that i love so much and became a vampire, fail in doing my studies etc. i need love. i need comfort. i need care. i need you but.... :'( stop the cruelty. stop the cruel intention. stop the hurtful words. what i want is just you back. you that i knew. you that i love. you that i hold in my arms for 3yrs. you that i've been smooching on your forehead for 3yrs! :'(

somebody please save me out of the depression. i seriously can't handle it anymore. i'm getting weaker and weaker. i'm losing everything in grip. i'm lose you! i'm losing to someone whose fresh. i'm losing myself for loving you so much deeply, i wants to R.I.P! :'( the promises i made, have never been broken before. until today, you're still whom i love every now and then, every second and minutes been thinking of you. why am i still being accused the worst person ever. i need a peace life with you. i want a peace life with you. why is it so hard to please some people in life? i'm collapsing. i'm losing control. i'm losing everything...

I've nothing.

Why? Why? AND WHY?! I'VE NOTHING LEFT!!! EVEN MY HARD DISK IS GONE!!! AND YOU'RE RUNNING OFF FROM MY TRACK! ='( been over the years, over months, i seems still the only bastard left in the world! NOBODY will loves me, NOBODY will understands me, NOBODY will cares for me, NOBODY WILL HEAR/SEE ME CRYING every night! Now, i'm left as the worst person in the world, somebody has taken "my position" and kicked me off to the ground. I'm fake, everybody claimed that i'm just a fake bastard who fakes for all these years! :'( i didn't expected much in life, i would gave up everything for you but...I HATE MYSELF!~ I HATE MYSELF VERY VERY MUCH!!~ I do not know what am i suppose to do anymore. God, tell me for the sake of this 3years, am i freak to everybody? Why are there so many stories behind who stabbed me from the back towards the one i love most? WHY???????????????????????????????????????? WHY YOU CAN NEVER FORGIVE ME? WHY YOU CAN NEVER MAKE ME THE ONE AT ALL???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ='( you left me NOTHING IN MY LIFE! AND I HAVE NOTHING IN MY LIFE!~ WHY CANT YOU EVER BE COMMITTED TO ME ONLY WHEN I'VE ALWAYS BEEN DOING.... ='( how can loving one so much deeply, gets nothing in the end but all the shits!!

"I'm a saddist, the saddest animal known within everyone on Earth."






-[aLbY]-

THREE MONTH

It's been 3months, I've got nothing, but just plain ignorant. They said I've been enjoying life, been happy'ing around etc...but I reckon people who knew me well, shall know I've been hiding a lot, my feelings, my unhappiness, myself, and most importantly the real me. These days, I've been making everyone assuming I'm happy enough to go through my life, but the inner depth of me, no one would ever know including you whom claimed I'm enjoying my life, except to a few person on Earth who text me in the night sharing their unhappiness with me knows how I feel. 3months, 3months since the last time we met, and you broke up with me, and today I'm still the me, who still loves and misses you so much. You won't know, and I know...you will/likes assuming, I never bother, I never cared, and worst is that you'll declare that 'I'm never serious to you too..'. It hurts, hurts me deep the heart, but I've never hated you before, because the truth, I never been anybody as how you've assumed before, neither my past, present, or even the future. You are still the one I love most baby...

p/s: "I'll still dedicate you songs, which you won't know... I really misses you so badly everyday, noon, evening and night..."



You’re in my arms
And all the world is calm
The music playing on for only two
So close together
And when I’m with you
So close to feeling alive

A life goes by
Romantic dreams will stop
So I bid mine goodbye and never knew
So close was waiting, waiting here with you
And now forever I know
All that I wanted to hold you
So close

So close to reaching that famous happy end
Almost believing this was not pretend
And now you’re beside me and look how far we’ve come
So far we are so close

How could I face the faceless days
If I should lose you now?
We’re so close
To reaching that famous happy end
And almost believing this was not pretend
Let’s go on dreaming for we know we are
So close
So close
And still so far

Love,
-bEE-

Things you'll never know . . .

I miss you so much really....sigh....happy anniversary!

Love,
-[aLbY]-

Beautifully Imperfect.

No matter happens, how imperfect you are to me, you're always seems perfect to me just like what Indian lady described her husband as he's beautifully imperfect to her. There's always no perfection in life, "he/she is perfect" is just what we human being claimed them to be. In fact, we knew they're beautifully imperfect to us! I've never knew i would love you this much deeply too! *Note* Please dont misunderstand that the one i love is dead, no alright, i'm only relating it that nothing is perfect, but the "perfect" word is being replaced by "beautifully imperfect". I always had been loving u deep to the bottom of my heart baby...

Another video my friend recommended me to watch, it's meaningful...watch it! Enjoy...



-[aLbY]-

Condolence.

It's very sad to say, one of my friend's mom had passed away on monday night. When i woke up on tuesday morning, i saw a truck with tables and chairs. Wondering why are they here and will there be party or.... I don't want to think of that that "yea, auntie Barbie have left us." I really don't want it to be.. :'( nevertheless, when i was out of my area at the traffic light, i called mom, asked if auntie Barbie have passed away because i saw the truck with tables and chairs below the house. She replied "oh...is it i think she should have left already.." then we hung up, and i went for class without thinking of anything. After a couple of hours, my brother called to confirm that she didn't make it on monday night. She left when everyone left her place after the visit at 10+pm on monday. Mom told me this few days ago, but i didn't catch the right time to pay auntie Barbie a visit! On the day i saw the truck, i thought after my class i'll be paying her a visit because mom told me she don't seems could stay too long already as the doctor had done their best and my friend (the son), have spoken to auntie Barbie (the mom) in front of my mom this, "ma, you can leave peacefully with no worries, i'll take care of myself and sister will do the same too *tears*. don't stay here to suffer of the sickness (Serviks Cancer) anymore." Everyday starting tuesday night until thursday noon, i attended the funeral to pay my last respect to her, on the day itself she was brought out of the house, everybody says "bye" to her.. *tears again* auntie Barbie have seen us (me and my siblings) grew since we were younger, and she likes us very much. Anyhow, thanks for everything and may you rest in peace auntie Barbie. We'll always miss you....

Love,
Alby boy

If I don't have you . . .

My heart tears as though bleeding without you...I really did appreciated and love you truthfully! :'(

-[aLbY]-
Day 44

The Gift - to me . . .

Baby, I (heart) you for real and everything has been true from me to you...nothing is been FAKE before!

今天看見永遠的第一天, 終於實現我和妳的諾言, 時間將一切拉遠, 愛在心裡沒有改變..

今天看見愛飛過地平線, 當我說完我對妳的誓言, 這是另一個起點, 我一定愛妳到永遠...

到永遠....

Do you remember this phrases? I've never forgotten about it before, someone had dedicated me this song in years back, I was told that the meaning in the entire song is what it meant to me, ever...because of this, I love that person even more and i've make my words to that person, i love that person truely for real, i'll never gonna let that person go... :'( i'll never forget whatever the both me and that person have said to each other from those days right up till today, they all have been kept in my heart all this while...i'll never have a change of heart even if that person is better because my words to that person are real, and whom i really love, i knew it all by myself, by right that person knew it too but that person have lack of confidence yet been thinking that things WONT BE TRUE because TRUE LOVE never exist, especially on that person itself. No you're wrong, No you under-estimated my sincerity, No you've been thinking too much, No you've thought it all wrong! The one I claimed i'll only love, will love, and love from those days right up till today is still the same, and never changes before! We've said to settle things down together before, and i've been looking forward that after the 'misunderstanding and miscommunication' ended! The 'someone' and 'that person' i've been talking about is always YOU BABY!!! :'( did you know i've never thought i would have such lover in my life that will loves and made me loves so much? You're always special to me, that's why i never wanted you to be "obtained" by anybody else except me. Few years back, i've bought a couple ring but..., and this year i've got it from you, i was extremely greatful and thankful for the meaning of it! EVERYTHING, i mean really EVERYTHING you'd given to me, i've been appreciating it, and whatever from my beloved, they mean everything to me, nevertheless, it means your love for me too! I've always have faith in you baby!! No matter what it is, i swore to God, i've been real and sincere towards you and each and everything we've been through all these years together!~ Thank you so much my beloved...


<< You're the one that I love, and I love, and I love and I have never been as you thought or like others said before! I never betray you, I never lied to you (except last year's incident), I never take you as a toy, I never hide anything from you, I never take this relationship like you thought NOTHING or NOT SERIOUS, I have never taken you for granted before either baby, I SWEAR I REALLY HAVE NEVER BEEN FAKE TO YOU BEFORE.. :'( >>

For now, i dedicate this to you, it don't mean just what it was sang, but it means every single moment we were together from the lyrics in this song...and it's all about what we've always wanted and it's my love for you too!

_____________________________________________________________________________________

I'm suffocating, I've been suffocating from a severe pain that i can barely take, i've never been fake to you, i've never been fake to you before! How are you suppose to believe me?? :'( tears been tearsing everyday, i really couldn't bear the infinite pain in my heart that you thought of me as a 360 changed to someone you dont know who anymore. I dont know why, i dont know how, i dont know who either (whether i know or not), but i've never changed before!!!! I'm really getting weaker and weaker, day by day, i'm feeling it's the end of the world. Whatever i've been describing yet been telling you from the olden days, they're all TRUE! I've never lied and you've brighten and enlighten my life, i do not want to lose you at all baby!~ i've really been appreciating every single moment, single thing we did together and you did for me and have never had any bad intentions before, never, never and i've NEVER!!! :'( what's the point of betraying you when i've been the one who'd been holding you and been trying to save the relationship each time. You're not naive, you're never naive, you're not as you thought but you've always been the baby i love most for real, for true, for everything sincerely!! I know i lied and broken your heart last year, i really didnt mean it! I dont know how am i suppose to described that to you but i really have no harm at all! :'( please dont keep that in your heart anymore baby..i've learned my lessons well enough, i really did, i really never hide anything behind you before!!! I'm not that kind of person, i'm never that kind of person especially towards my beloved, and you'd became my everything, i really didnt betray or taken you as a "toy" before either...my entire life, getting to know you is the most fortunate miracle incident happened, getting together with you, is my greatest happiness ever in my life...you're the only one who'd given me hope to feel "alive" and to be rely on, if you were no one to me, i'll never have you as part of my family, i'll never give whatever shares i've to you baby.. :'( I REALLY LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART BUT ISN'T FOR ANY ADVANTAGE AT ALL BABY......

You've been asking "would I be the man u used to know?", yes, that's my answer, because my heart and soul had never changed before. We both have done a lot for each other, we've been through a lot, whatever i've got from you, i'll never forget, and i'll never let go because you've got my heart and soul with you, if you leave me because of untrue stories, by my friends (so called), your friends, or whatever they're called, i'd rather have my life hanging with suffocation and depression everyday. I've begun to realize, i've no one to trust or to count on anymore...ever since i realized what you've told me before since a year back, i've begin to lose friends in my surrounding because EVEN my friends betrayed me by accusing me to my beloved, i do not know the motive, but all i know, i've been only believing in you ONLY all this while, there's no one that i could count on anymore! I'm realizing the friends i've can only become a "hi bye" or "to company" only, but isn't by heart having me as a their friend. Even 'you' have got me all wrong that i'm an a$$hole to you, i've lost everything, yet been keeping myself in the closet because everyone outside there are a threat to me. These days, i've been keeping myself very far away from many people, but only staying at home or going for class. Even the people i'm very close with, i rarely mix to them anymore, or even meeting them anymore, because of all the rumours and words spread off, till the one whom i love most, partially was because of this reason. I'm scare, i've fell into the dark hole again, my world is surrounded by dark circles, dark clouds everywhere, evils everywhere, the only people i see whose my saviour, only my family and YOU! I can bear, i said before that i can bear every pain without you take it, but i'll never get to bear the pain without you baby, i've never changed to somebody else before. I'm always the Alby whom you always want him to be, and love him. I know i've weaknesses that makes you thought i would be a burden to you in your life, i'm sorry, i didnt know i've been your burden this long before but as a whole, i've never needed you to have me as your burden instead as what the song sang, "The way we held each other's hands, the way we talked, the way we laughed, it felt so good to fall in love, and I knew right there and then that you were the one.....I'm so happy, so happy that your in my my life, and baby now that your a part of me, you've showed me, showed me the true meaning of love(the true meaning of love), and I know he loves me..".

I mean my words to you baby, without you, my life had became dull, i've no natural laughter because you're not around joking with me, my visions only seeing black and white or sepia colors, i'm always with the distraught and worried expression...i dont want them, i need you, i want you back, i'm ain't playing, i'm ain't making EMPTY PROMISES, i'm ain't a player at all, i couldn't afford to play the "love game", i can only have ONE heart, ONE life, ONE beloved, and ONE motive which is loving and understanding you, i would rather spend my lifetime for you....with you, my love ones...you're right, i could take everything from you because you love me very much you claimed, but i've never lied to you either, that you could take my life away too if you had someone else and hated me. You'd been ignoring me for the past 2-3weeks, i've been in total distraught mood for that long.

Don't hate me baby, don't hate me anymore, please love me, i need your love, please love me like how we used to love each other!!!!~ :'( bee have always been real to you baby...if it's true that you said to me that your love is true to me, waiting wouldn't waste anything much in my life, i'll wait for the true love from you to be in existence back...i've always see "our relationship" a miracle and it's all different from others, because of you, i love you for everything, i'll wait for you to forgive my silly mistakes...

I really mean every single word sang in the song to you baby!!! You beautify me and my life, i'll not miss this opportunity to let you know, you didnt just mean how much 'I love you' but i love you more than what it means because i love you for all i could in my life...and that's exclusively for you, my beloved!

p/s: "I believe in every phase of relationship between us, if we really love each other (no matter who loves who more or etc), it's always worth me doing/sacrificing anything for you for us baby...i really love you for real! And i miss you very very much too baby..."

Goodnight everyone...

Yours love,
-bEE-
Day 38

The one I love still is YOU . . .

I didn't lie, I haven't been fake, I never pretended to love you before, the one I truely love most is ONLY YOU baby!~ no matter what happens, what it is, you're still the one i still love only, and love...to the hypocrites who spreads rumours, teasers, stabbers...enough of your acts, you all have given me a miserable life that claimed I'm such a "good bf"! Thanks for the "help", but no thanks, save it for yourself...i'm still the original of myself that loves ONE all by my heart, and that person knows whom i'm referring to...baby, i'm still the who-you-know right up till today... :'( i miss you so much...

-[aLbY]-
Day 35

Confession for 23-03-2009.

It's been another day, another day that i've been depressing, another day that i'm misses someone i been loving most, another day that it's tearsing again in the midnight missing someone so badly! Though today was a beautiful Sunday evening, the sunset was beautiful, the sun was very sunny, the feeling reminded me of the times when we were together. Just as how you shine your presence in my life, how you we'd been through the ups and downs together, most importantly, whatever that we've said to each other, i remembered each and every moment in detail...

Although i've hurt you last year, we've said to forgive and forget about the bad past and start all over again, even better than before. I believe in you, i always have been believe that you changes my life to a better life, you changes my everything including my mind, you gave the way i want my life to be...you gave me the best of everything i'd in life, your love..

I didn't lie, I didn't betray, I didn't have you for granted, I didn't fooled you before, I'd never taken you as a toy, I've never been fake to you too baby! My love has always been pure to you.. I only have you who I can be trusted, no one else that I could count on, no one as much as you because I love you all by my heart baby..i miss you very very much!~
_______________________________________________
For you:
"I'm so happy,
So happy that you're in my life
And baby now that you're a part of me
You showed me
Showed me the true meaning of love
And I know you loves me..."
_______________________________________________

p/s: "I can't smile without you because i'll never find someone like you baby...when I hold your hands, I'll never gonna let you go as i promised and as it is in the picture in this post too..Happy Anniversary Baby"

-[aLbY]-
Day 33

Somewhere . . .

My soul is lost somewhere else, i don't know where is it, but i know it's somewhere...which i'm forbid to be there! :'( i'm lost, where are you? I needed you so badly, where had you been, where are you baby? :'(

-[aLbY]-

Confession of the truth . . .

Time flies really fast, without noticing, years have passes by, and i'd my eyes opened to see many things in life. What most precious in my life is having you appearing to be in my life, i didn't lie yet i didn't fake around. I don't need to be fake to you no matter what it is baby. The moment i hold your hand and you were hold, i've told you before, i'll never gonna let you go...it's been years i've been saying it over to you, i mean my words because i really love you very, very, very much! My love for you had never changed since before, thus, i love you more each day since those days..i know i've hurt you before, i'm apologizing a billion and infinity of times! I miss you really very much baby..i remembered Twilight the movie, you said you hoped that we could be as lovely as them in the movie in our relationship, i promised i said we will be, and no matter how hard it is for me, i'll still make it happen because you're part of my life that as though the both of them in the movie! No matter how or what, i've never stopped loving you before, i've really been very serious towards the relationship, it's for you, this is all for you, to believe and to trust, "Alby, is still always been the one you claimed to miss and that loves very much..". I'd never betrayed you in my life before, never, i'd never lied to you about the past before either, never, i'd never been regretted of whatever happened within us, but to be more loving over you EXCLUSIVELY JUST FOR YOU ONLY my baby...


I've tonnes to tell you, we've tonnes of things haven't been done together yet and i've so much more love haven't been expressed to you yet too baby... I love you for real baby, please forget of the past and let us start all over again! You've shine me in my life, i don't wanna lose someone we both know having "you love me and i love you for real..", we must keep to our words.. I kept to my words, and i'm also changing to be a better person for you baby!



It was written on somewhere for me on the 1st October 2006, do you remember this? I will nver forget this post you wrote to me! You ONLY wanted my LOVE, i'm going to tell you, you'd ALL my LOVE already baby...i've kept things well in good condition and i still have this with me, you claimed you eventually found "the person" you always wanted, which is ME. Right till today, i love and i definitely still care for each and everything of you baby, I'm definitely the person you'd always wanted, and i'll change my bad habits for a better times together.. Don't go baby, please don't go, don't leave me here all alone in my days and nights without you but just tears, i don't want to live without you baby.. :'( a night that matches my feelings, raining heavily now!~ goodnight everyone...

????? - Wang Lee Hom
This song comes in a very deep truth meaning to me, because of you, i never knew this song, because of you, i'll never fall for you so much deeply, because you dedicated this to me, i promised, i'll always love you and today, i promised, for whatever that we've lost, we'll find it back and i'll never gonna hurt you like those days anymore! For you, i'll never give up in this magnificent relationship and times i have with you...i'll just have you only baby...Love ya...

-[aLbY]-
Day 28

='(

**This is just a random song which i love since years back only...**

:'( the most wonderful times i'd was having you loving me...i need you so much! Where are you now baby?! Where are you? :'( i'm missing you so much!!

-[aLbY]-

Tears.

Exclusively dedicated for you..

p/s: "I do not want to waste any chances or time available as i'm fortunate to have you in my life, you will always be, and i always will love you as how we were used to be the sweetest couple ever...I LOVE you sincerely baby.."

-[aLbY]-

Shower me with your love.

Depression. It really kills me and the pain is really pain into the heart. What happened these days? I encountered people telling me there're hypocrites in my surrounding/around me. Why? What have i done to "you people"? Have i ever touched any single thing of your life? NEVER! The worst was saying that i'm being disloyal or a worst word to say, i betrayed and scandal around and also accusing me that i've been hiding the truth that i used to be with somebody i'm close with for sometime? Are you people having mental disorder? Why are you all making my life way much more miserable? :'( *tears drip while confessing* WTF HAVE I DONE TO YOU GUYS AND WHY SHOULD YOU PEOPLE GAVE ME A FUCK UP LIFE? I'm losing trust within the people in my surrounding! The people i trust and love most has always been with me eventhough if there were hypocrites or we'll ignore them together, but i don't have it now, :'(, all i need is your love baby! I've never been this "betrayed" before, i couldn't take it! Who shall i trust? Who shall i share it with? :'( ONLY you....i'm ain't a fucking bastard, i'm ain't like those fucking asshole who spreads the fucking rumours around kind of person! I neither have the time with these fuckers! Why are you fuckers giving me such a miserable life?! I've done nothing...............nothing...............of those before!!!~



My dad had a talk with me earlier, it was random, but at least they knew no matter what i do, i'll never overboard or even won't turned to be how bad as i was accused to be! You're the one i love most, and also the who suppose to know me most too, i've never been filled with so much of love before, that only happen to be YOU who had been giving it to me baby! It's your love, everything that you gave me is what i wanted....i know i may not be your Mr.Perfect baby, but i'll really improvised myself to be a better person! What's really true i've never been fake, cheating on you or lied before!! :'( i've never even have any thought of taking ANY advantage on my love ones before, and it'll never happen on you too! I'd really been serious and true to you..

Your grasp in my hand fills me most with love, you made me feel most and the safest to be with baby..please trust me, i'm never gonna hurt you like those days anymore! I've learn my lesson sufficiently, i don't need anymore lesson to experience, what i've been saying is been true to you, and it isn't a single word is a lie too! I miss you so much, i miss you like crazy, i miss you grasping my hand too baby... :'( i really had never lied or anything that shows i dis-love you before..

-[aLbY]-

For once in my life.

For Once In My Life - Michael Buble

For once in my life

I've got someone who needs me

Someone I've needed so long

For once unafraid

I can go where life leads me

And somehow I know I'll be strong

For once I can touch

What my heart used to dream of

Long before I knew

Someone warm like you

Could make my dream come true

For once in my life

I won't let sorrow hurt me

Not like it's hurt me before

For once I have someone

I know won't desert me

I'm not alone anymore

For once I can say

This is mine, you can't take it

As long as I know I've got love

I can make it

For once in my life

I've got someone who needs me

p/s: "For once in my life, you've given what's best to me in my life, brighten up my life too. I'll never let you go, as i know i'm an imperfect person, but at least i've a heart that loving you faithfully and truthfully! For once in my life, i ever heard from my beloved of all those i've been thru with says 'needed me' or 'i couldn't smile without you'. I (heart) you baby, i've never had this feeling of loving ones by giving everything. I may be stupid at times, but i'll correct myself to the Alby you used to know, he's not dead! If i were to cheated on you, i wouldn't be loving you so much and not letting you go...i know i've disappointed and hurt you before, for once, if you really love me (since before), we will still get things back and better than before too...for you, for once in my life, i love you very much only, we will settle down things together happily..."

Love,

-[bEE]-

Why I love you so much.

For you,

Baby, no one else i would love so much as much as i love you! And no one would love me as how you love me that changes my everything in life. Please, forget the past, let's start all over again and make it better than last time as you claimed...you won't lie, and you'll keep your words to me!!~ :'( i miss you so much baby........

-[aLbY]-

Today, nevertheless, I still love you.

It's till today, i still love you as much as how i used to. You hold my breath, you hold my soul, you hold my life..it was as though it just happened yesterday or the day before, but nevertheless, it has been for years. No matter what i've done for you, i've always been using my heart to succeed for you. I may have done something which had hurt you in the previous time, but i've learned my lesson well, truthfully, i'll never do that to you anymore, today, and even the future. I'm sorry for what happened last year, i admitted it was all my wrong that made you went "lost". Baby, if you were thinking that "i don't love you", "i don't appreciate you", "i'm not serious to you" or "i'm being cold to you", those were what thought, in fact, the truth, i took you seriously yet been appreciating every single moment being with you, neither had been cold to you before as i've been opening all my heart to have you loving me back. I'm sorry of my arrogance on certain issue, i'm sorry of my defensive arguments towards certain issue, i'm sorry for what made you been "assuming" i wasn't true to you...

Every single moment, single words and single things you've done for me, i remembered them very very carefully. From the moment we were together, i've taken you as part of my life whose walking on the journey together encountering the obstacles we've been going through, staying strong overcoming it. I've always wanted to "settled down" things with you...i've never been fake to you before too! Would we be together this long, if i were being fake to you from the beginning? No, and NEVER, i've always been true to you. Each and everything you told me from day 1 we met, i've been remembering it yet i knew it was "childish" of myself thinking some fairytales between us. But indeed, it was all as thou fairytales before, i love you for what and who you are...just as what most people thought in mind but i know many will be thinking including you will assume, "don't dream of it". I ain't dreaming, but from when we knew each other, everything had became true and there was where love developed from then onwards. By referring to the most recent case, Rihanna was assaulted by her boyfriend, Chris Brown, and then Chris Brown was charged to be in prison for 9years for what he'd done on Rihanna, but what's next? Rihanna love Chris Brown very much, they were married last saturday at Miami at P.Diddy's mansion. Chris Brown apologized, begged for forgiveness and proposed to her, eventually Rihanna was surprised of the sudden action by Chris Brown and have agreed yet confessed 'I can't live without you'. Baby, i knew i've done something that hurt you so badly before, but i've changed, in terms, i won't be doing that anymore, i promised! I'll never break this promise i made because you're what's most important to me in my life. I know i'm ain't a Mr. 100% Perfect, but i've really been working it out with my weaknesses. All i need is you to forgive me of what i've done before, you've gave me a great "lesson" before this, and i've really learned from my mistake today. I'm very sorry baby...please forgive me, i'm really intended to be with you to settle down to be your man. I've always been faithful towards this relationship and you, i'm only seeking for your true forgiveness to settle things down together...i wouldn't have high expectation as how Rihanna couple have, but i only require you to forgive, and to love and trust me like how you used to...i was the Alby you used to know, yet i'm still the Alby you used to know, who's so much loving you to accept who he is for a better times together as you've said to me you wanted the both of us to forget and forgive the past, then to get things back becoming even better than before..

Your words, your actions towards me are most influential to me, i've never forget a single thing of you, even whatever things we've been through all these years...baby, i wouldn't deny anything from you, but i only wanted you know to stop thinking of the negative thought in your mind, but you're whom i met that i never thought we could flourish our relationship till the extend me too don't wanna live without you! You were the one who shine me in the night even when there's no stars or sun, you were still the one i most wanted to be with...

'I am always your honey bee, and you're always my beloved on the plane...'

p/s: "Love you till the bottom of my heart..."

-bEE-

Truth.

I'm depressed. I do not know why and how, but the truth is i've never don't appreciate neither don't take one relationship seriously. It's been this long, i'm still being thought as a person who don't appreciate my beloved kind of person. How much have we been through, how much am i been trying to get your heart back, you've seen it. I admitted my mistakes which i lied and hurt you about the incident last year, yet that have taught me a huge lesson in life. Then onwards, i've never ever going to think about that incident anymore. After that long time of break, we got back, things been coping up, on and off, it broken down cause of misunderstandings at times. I've been true and appreciating you all this while since we got back! I don't fake, i'm ain't a pretender, neither a would be fake to you. I love you till the bottom of my heart, i will never deny i've been cold nor reluctant to you before too, you may be sensitive over it, but i've been true, i swear, and i did promised you that I'll never gonna hurt you anymore, i really didn't been cold or reluctant to you before. The lied i made last year, was my mistake, but ever since then, i've been true to you. I may be slow, i may not be that spontaneous, but i've been having a dull life without you for SIX MONTHS last year, i slowed everything down in my life, i became indecisive, i became slower in thinking, i became someone who's not really myself. I'm seeking for infinity of apologies, i'm not blaming you at all, but i just need your patience and love for me to recover from the SIX MONTHS of loneliness and dull life without you. The biggest mistake i've done had changed myself to someone i felt fed up of too. I knew you'll have a lot of doubts, a lot of questions, a lot of queries in your mind that "does Alby love me?", "do you appreciate me?", "have you been serious to me?", "do you take me as your lover?" etc..

ONE word for all the questions above, YES, i've always been appreciating you, i've always been serious towards the relationship (unlike those days anymore because i've learned my lessons), i've always been taking you not just a lover but even my life partner and for a definite answer, i definitely love you with all my heart yet till the bottom of my heart baby! You've got me wrong all this while, you've thought of me wrongly that i'm ain't like the fuckers or the bastards you've been thru with before. You can assume i am the same as them but i never lied to myself or even to you that i don't love you as you think, in fact, I LOVE YOU very very much deeply baby! The mistakes i've done, i've never deny before, and i've been doing all my best to give you the best from me. You've been mis-seeing me that's why you thought so. There's nothing i want from you EXCEPT you, your love and your trust! My love for you NEVER fade off before, i didn't treated you cold too but you had assume too much these days. I'm still the same Alby you used to know, i've never had a change of heart nor a change of feelings on you before. I may be blur and slow at times, yet i've been coping to change this attitude too! You're whom i gave everything to, you're whom i love most, you're whom i wants to live with...you're definitely not as what you thought i don't love, don't care, don't take it serious or don't appreciate you at all! I'm never that person towards you because i was the one who had been saving the relationship, the person who loves you won't tried saving the relationship so many times if they don't love you truthfully baby...and i love you truthfully yet sincerely! :'( what i said that what i've been doing for you was just to make you love me even more back baby......i'd it all written in all the hand made cards i made exclusively for you and they're all true words from my heart to you..please don't go baby!!~ bEe loves you for real from day 1 right up till today......

-[aLbY]-