The day has arrived . . . . . . [8/12/2005]

Well, it has been quite sometime i've not been keeping my blog updated. Anyway, i know it's quite bored to read my blog and i would have to apologize again because tonight's blog is gonna be one like the past, about my life certainly.

Now, i was suppose to update this few days back but i dont seems to have time (due to the tonnes of assignments) and mood to do so. So, what's with the title of the blog tonight? "The day has arrived....?" Well, in this 2weeks time my sister has been asking what's my blog's address and i actually told her verbally but aint sure whether did she listen or not. So, 2-3days back right after she came back from somewhere else, she came to my room and need to talk to me. The moment i she asked me to her room for a talk, i knew what is she going to talked about because i was browsing my blog at that time and coincidence she walked in with a different facial expression. Then, i went to her room and she said that she'd read my blog.

Well, i actually dont mind who will read my blog and know what is going on with me nowadays although i do express quite alot of things which i dont say it out but write them here. So, she told me that she'd read my blog and asked me many questions related to Lucas and I. Actually i denied about it because she dont seems ready to listen to what im going to say, but she forced me to say it and so i told her that im currently in a relationship with Lucas. She couldnt accept it and talked alot about it that i shouldnt this and that because im the eldest of the family and i've the responsibility to the family as im the eldest son in the family. SIGH!~ What does this mean? Does it mean that i must take all the responsibility and have no private life? I dont wanna tell any of my family members its because i know that they couldnt accept that im a bisexual which im currently in a relationship with a guy where im suppose to admit that im a gay too.

Yea, i admitted that there're some point that she said to me is true but everyone has their rights to choose who do they wanna be with isnt it? I admitted that i was curious about what gay is previously (when i was pursued by RJ{the 1st guy who brought me in}) but for now, to be with a guy or gal it really doesnt matter anymore to me because i know what i want and need for now and that's it! DO NOT CHANGE ANOTHER for the sake of their OWN GOOD or something EVIL TURN UP! I know that im 18y/o and most people will be thinking that im immature because im with a guy now in fact when im either a single or with a girl, most likely they'll say that im mature and so on. WTF is it when im with a gal i'll be mature yet when im with a guy i'll be immature? Does it mean that being with the one we love is a not right? Im just trying to suit myself in any relationship to seek for a true and right one! After all the talks, eventually she knows that i'll be going for a holiday with Lucas and my classmate this coming break from 19/12/05 till next year.

After the talked, i went back to my room and switched off my cellphone and went to bed thinking of something in my mind. Im not thinking whether is it right or wrong being with a guy but what am i suppose to do in order to make my family understands me and accept the truth that im a bisexual where i can be with any guys or gals as i like? I know that not everyone could accept that their child is in a relationship with the same sex as they are but it's the truth is that my one of my family member has already know about it. I dont want anyone of them to feel bad of me betraying the family or whatever. Im worried about this, what am i suppose to do? Consult the counsellor and express it, then after analyzing, bring my family to them or them to my family to talk about it? What should i do...? I've assignments to be done and problems to solved on my own. Im really being bothered by it right now :S

p/s: Jag skulle inte klandra du för bringande jag in i den här värld utom all jag vilja er det alt "du" folk till förstå min nödvändigtvis och låta jag bli.

-[aLbY]-