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This is a post as of 23/11/09!
That day I went out with my friends, and heard this song! The moment I heard the song, my heart was touched, again I thought of someone, something which I can never let go, never forget. To the person I'm referring, you'll never know the truth or understand the truth cause you will always think that I'm the worst and bad person ever, or you even name me a "jerk", but I'm sorry I couldn't be the man you want to be, I admitted I hated some thing of you, it's because of "someone's" existing, but I've never forgotten any single moment we had together before, you will always remain to be in my heart, I can never forget you, but I can only make this to force you to make the move to hate me most, delete me on facebook or even to blocked me on MSN! :'( I'm sorry, I couldn't have let you go at all right up till today, even each time I saw you with someone else, knowing you were with someone else, happily or not, I can never still forget you although if I've the hatred cause the one I love most and the one I can never forget or to let go is to you! You may not get to read this or will never read this, but this is the post I'm writing it to you!
You would have me in your mind that I'm a jerk, I'm an asshole, I'm a player, a liar, the one that took you for granted, the one that have wasted your time, the one who has hurt you most, BUT, you will never know how much you meant in my life! :'( I'm writing this with my tears on while my brother is sleeping in the midnight. I swore, I've never forgotten you nor never never loved you truthfully before! Believe it or not, I know it's up to you although you don't. I know I've been doing a lot of things you dislike me doing, but they are my interest, moreover you've left me without a single word since 18th February 2009...I can never forget this date, and nevertheless, I can never forget what date is 23rd of July of every year! It's been 9months, yes, without you knowing how much pain I've been experiencing, how much have I been missing you, but I can't be doing anything because you've got such a beautiful life with another half today, I can't be a bastard to destroy your happiness but only being quiet to myself, or not even sms'ing you, because to you, I'm the worst person in your life, which you've never met or experienced, no matter what I said to you, you'll never want to get back with me... :'( because of the past, because of my friends, because of me, because of my background, because of my family....I'm sorry dear, I can't tell or to proof how much I loved you until today, but to express how much I love you here....where I can never let you go at all!
I know there were loads of dramas within us and our friends, but you'll never forgive me for what had happened in January 2009, as I always hoped you'll never bring it up right up till February 2009, I've celebrated a calm V-day with you, got you the Rihanna Concert ticket, with the best sits we could have,...you still insisted to have me to be apart from your life on the 18th of February, where all the rumours started spreading everywhere about us, of anything until our relationship and perception became worst than ever! :'( I'm really upset, of every single argument we had in the previous time! I've got the histories in my MSN, and also on my mobile inbox right up till today! You've seen my inbox before all these years, I only kept all your sms(s) but not anyone's unless they're notices or event invitations/notifications. I know I'm stupid to say this, but if I didn't want to say all those I kept in my heart for months of what's been happening, you'll never know the truth about me (all these years as well), whoever who'd appeared in your life while we were together, on the sms I sent the last time when we argued, to test whether you will still want me back, or to.....let me off TOTALLY today! :'( it hurts, the worst thing I've done in my life, it hurts most when I found out the next day all those I mentioned earlier happened, it was as though either one of us had left Earth, because we will never know what happened to anyone of us everyday anymore!
I love you from day 1 on the 23rd of July 2006, when I 18+ close to 19 birthday soon that time, I've intended to have you ONLY in my life, which I didn't want to have anybody else anymore because I know from that day onwards, from whatever had happened no matter it is ups or downs, I've never forgotten a single moment even if we'd argued terribly while we broke up before, it's all kept in my heart and memories, which makes me love you so much deeply! This is what happened when one love another too much deeply, they can never live in a happier life when they have lose their other half in moments! I remembered most the lunch we had on the 18th February 2009 @ Noodle House that time, with the parking ticket still in my car today, the environment was cool, quiet, while we ordered our food, you were looking at the newspaper, while i was waiting for lunch, at the same time I tried talking to you, until we finished, then "it" happened after that...I can never forget the moment you told me while we were on the way back on the road! How bad can I be since you've known me for over years, how terrible could I be since I'm the most you've seen everyday and night? :'( I ain't complaining nor stabbing you, but eventually I've been questioning myself everyday and night staring at the sky, "How bad could I be to you when we are so much in love with each other all these years? only?" It's really heartbreaking everyday and night, I've been thinking of you, missing you, or even been praying hard, that you would have a greater health, a greater life, a happier life, and also a more peaceful life than being with me....but eventually I couldn't console myself to forget you at all! Every moment, even when I was sleeping, I thought of you on the phone with me when I need you most, I received your sms, mms, your call and your presence when I needed you most! ;'( I don't know what can I do to let this off from my heart today! You could think that I'm a bastard, a jerk, or a human who has no humanity or lack of attention, but no matter what it is, the one I love most is still you right up till today! You're never been forgotten, I can never let you go...I can never erased off all the memories we've had together everywhere, every time, and everything together!
Thou I've been graduated from the university, wherever, whenever, whatever happened, you are still the one I thought of, the one I related to, the one I missed most, and the one I love most to be with....
I've got my life screwed up till my sleeping hours can only be in the morning rather than a normal time unless if I'm really sick till I need to rest early only I could sleep! It's all because I've been waiting....waiting for you to forgive all the shits happened in the past, and to allow me back by your side! I couldn't lie to myself, I couldn't continue this anymore as the more I'm doing it, the more it's hurting myself where I've been listening to some of my friends who has problem with all their ex(s), which I didn't want to be a victim like them suffocating all their life everyday and night, like myself today... :'( it's really suffocating and heartaching! I've not seen you for sometime other than bumping onto each other, I misses you, your face, the moment you call my name, the moment you call me, the moment you touched me, the moment you touched my face, the moment you hugged or even hold my hands... :'( it made me to tears each second I thought of it, as I couldn't be a man as everyone thought to let go off the past, or to turn to a brand new leaf, as if I'm either allowing my heart beats (with you), or heart beat stopped (without you)...no one as ever could replace you in my life, or to take place of you in my life ever even if one day you saw me on the road or mall with another, it isn't as you thought because the one whose still left in my heart is still You...my love! I love you till the end of my life dear... :'(
Love,
-aLbY-
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