Missing holiday . . . .

Sigh, I know that this is random but I'm missing holidays! Only a few more weeks (less than 4weeks), then my 4yrs course will be officially completed! And I'm graduating by then,...I miss holiday but the same time missing college life! It just so happened that I was checking my mail, I found this! I'm missing a place similar to this..



This isn't Penang, FYI! It's just a random picture I saw in one of the forwarded mail by my friend. I miss Penang! Sigh, everything of Penang I'm missing now! I wished I could make my trip to Penang again after the "WAR"! Anyway, for those who haven't seen the actual Penang bridge, here you are, our Malaysia's Penang Bridge is also very beautiful as to compare to those in the overseas..



Here's our beautiful sunset view of the very popular Penang Bridge! I wish to go there the soonest for some FRESHER air than here in KL! Sigh...anyway, I'm still considering the trip as I'm with debt! :( shall pen-off...

-[aLbY]-

Sad and sick of myself . . .

I really wanted to post up more things, but time don't allow, I've been wasted a lot of time NOT doing anything this year, I'm totally screwed up! Guess what's worst? My FYP due has been extended to 2weeks later, which is on the 28th Oct 09, and what's worst? I don't seem to have touched anything much of it! I'm so fucking worried of it, it suck up all my credits to pass the entire course I've been acquiring all these 4years, I'm DOOMED and FUCKED! Apart from that, I've another 4assignments to be handed in as well, before and after the FYP due, then to my final exam which is like the latest due of my assignment is 30th Oct 09 if not mistaken? My exam falls on the 2nd Nov 09? WTF? I've only a few days to study everything I learned throughout the semester! Fucking screwed up my life! I'm a total saddist yet a fucked up kid today! I'm so spoilt, I started....argh, fuck it seriously! Everyone, stay away from me as some have already done so, please go away everyone! I don't want to spoilt myself and then you all as well! :( I'm so sick of myself....when I'm suppose to be FULLY STRESSED UP before graduating and then to be a happy graduate BUT it turned out to be a disaster today! I'm so fucked in my life today! God, please help me, please save me out from this saddist sickening of my own world, PLEASE! I don't want to spoilt my life anymore, I don't want it anymore, it's tiring, it's very very tiring! :'( Although everyone has been seeing me partying around, slacking and doing a lot of wasting-time-matter, no one will ever understand the inner of myself because physically I'm portrait as a spoilt and fucking don't bother of anything at all! I can't help myself anymore to go on my life if this really reached till the next 2weeks, I'm really worry....I hope that my 'hair problem' wouldn't get worst than current as I'm really hoping it could recover the final 20% of possibility of my current situation! :'( please God, I need you....

Saddist blogger,
-[aLbY]-

Long term . . . . and T.L.C!

From today onwards I'll be on a long term medication condition for my hair loss control and re-growth. Many people has been wondering why am I always with my cap or something to cover on my head or probably having my head shaved bald this recent years. Yea, let's open up to admit that I've been having hair loss since the age of 19, when I just got into the tertiary life. Life never been such miserable as today due to the condition of my hair, is making me depress everyday and night. Now below here is the medication I'm going through for the next 2-3years given by a specialist. Believe it or not, I've a friend who has been taking this medicine for the past 2years since the last time we met not till we bumped back onto each other, he was having hair loss, till last year, I saw him again, everything went back to normal, I was really amazed with the result of the medicine or the medication he was taking. Amazingly, I've been blinded over the years, never knew there was such specialist in SS15 Subang!



Finally I've listened to his advise and consulted the specialist, I was told that I'm confronting hormonal imbalance. Well, I remembered my hairline started thinning when I had my hair dyed for the 3rd or 4th time when I was 19. Anyhow, the medical fee isn't cheap at all, 1month of supply of day and night tablet as well as a hair tonic before bed, cost me RM240! I hoped this isn't gonna be the same for the rest of the days I'm going through! Approximately, RM2.8k - RM2.9k/year! Gosh...moreover, the specialist told me that overall, it'll recover by an additional of 20% of the current condition! Sigh...I'm really upset of this statement, I really hoped I could have what most the adult/youngster/youth has but isn't a bald headed guy where...I'm always being insulted, teased, or laugh, or even disappoint many of my head! :'( I hope this medicine could really help me to have my hair recovered by the end of the days! Please keep my confidence boost up! I really need my confidence back, I'm lack of confidence and everything! I need it back so badly...like a normal human being! Sigh...I really need T(Tender).L(Love).C(Care) so badly! :'(

-[aLbY]-

失落沙洲

I love this song very very much, it means a lot! Because I've no more idea how am I suppose to express my feelings anymore. I'm feeling dull and lonely, I'm so lost yet been lost for sometime! I'm trying to get things back at right track but it don't seems worked out. All I can say is what is sang in the song. I've been through a lot, really a lot of things, but in the end, I'm still thought as a naive, childish, annoying or not-bother-type of person. As I said, I've been through many things this 7months time, the worst had bypass, and amazingly I'm still alive today. Really collapsed and met in terrible car accident without injuries before! Really close to death, but I'm still here today, alive. It all seems to happened yesterday, but the fact, I've been living in the past for too long, thinking of the reminiscence of the past and the ups and downs I've been through...without moving on. Today, I seems to be fine, but it is just my physical afterall, I'm lonely, I'm depress, I'm spoil, I'm disappointed, I'm really demotivated and losing all my confidence of myself! Been trying to do a lot of things to boost up my confidence and forcing myself to forget everything, but it failed too. Till the end, I was still told to be the heartless person on Earth. Without you, without who I am today, because of what you've said to me, I know I'm no longer in your heart, but just memories...which means I've to move on with an open heart no matter what it is. Pictures, memories, places we've been to, moments we've been through, the good and the bad times,...kept me thinking non-stop!

The truth today, no matter what I do from yesterday, today or till tomorrow, you'll never want me back. Afterall these years, although the reminiscence of past kept passing through my mind or my heart, you'll never wanted me to go back by your side, because I've already became your footstep, the footstep left behind the sand, which are meant to remember, but not to enjoy together in reality anymore. The me today in your mind and heart, is only known as a word to describe, "nobody". I know no matter what, I still have to move on as you always hope I could like some other people, or what you've expected me to be, "a-mature-person" or some of your friends. I know I don't have anymore choice, but listen to this song, at least you'll know some of what I want to express to you...

-[aLbY]-