When they're not around . . .

I'm super tired, my eyes are extremely heavy now, ya, it's close to evening at 6pm soon! I only slept for 2hours last night, was having insomnia and rushing for assignment (due today). Went out since 7.15am, went to the airport, dropped my parents there coz they're going for a vacation with their friends for 10days. I'm alone...again! Then i drove directly to college to attend a class and stayed back for assignment, my groupmates didnt make it to complete the work with me. I was alone, doing everything till evening only i handed in. Back to the story, after my aprents came back, again they'll be going for the second trip for 1week as well as my sister, she has a biz trip, so she will also wont be around for 2weeks. I'm ALL ALONE AGAIn...heh, tribute to 18-09-2007, prolly no one will remember that, but i'll always remember it coz it really touches me so much! It was one of the day that makes me so happy! I love u baby, and i love u very much...thank you so much! Maybe it wont happen again, but i've faith in u to wait for u. I'll wait....i'll wait for u! I miss u...i jz miss u so much..,i'm sorry, i'm tired for now, my eyes are really heavy...i shall pen-off and to be continue...take care everyone...Love u...

Yours truly,
-[aLbY]-

Wait for you . . .

I waited, and its really early in the morning now. I didnt sleep at all, but i was watching for sunrise, going to sleep soon. Its so beautiful!! I saw it! I remembered i watched the sunrise before...somewhere...the whole night i was thinking over u, and u were running in my mind. U've never stopped running in my mind before. I love u always and i miss u so much! Baby, i'll wait for u no matter what...u'll always have to remember this song, i will always wait for u...

Love,
-[aLbY]- @ -36-

Because of you

(Verse 1)
If ever you wondered if you touched my soul yes you do
Since I met you I'm not the same
You bring life to everything I do
Just the way you say hello
With one touch I can't let go
Never thought I'd fall in love with you...

(Chorus)
Because of you, my life has changed,
Thank you for the love and the joy you bring
Because of you, I feel no shame,
I'll tell the world it's because of you

(Verse 2)
Sometimes I get lonely and all I gotta do is think of you
You captured something inside of me
You make all of my dreams come true
It's not enough that you love me for me
You reached inside and touched me eternally
I love you best explains how I feel for you...

(Chorus)
Because of you, my life has changed,
Thank you for the love and the joy you bring
Because of you, I feel no shame,
I'll tell the world it's because of you

(Bridge)
The magic in your eyes
True love I can't deny
When you hold me I just lose control
I want you to know that I'm never letting go
You mean so much to me I want the world to see,
It's because of you

(Chorus)
Because of you, my life has changed,
Thank you for the love and the joy you bring
Because of you, I feel no shame,
I'll tell the world
It's because of you My life has changed
Thank you for the love and the joy you bring
Because of you, I feel no shame, I'll tell the world it's because of you

____________________________________________________________________________________________________

(For you) 100 things u should know how i feel for you. It's all...

"Because of you, my life has changed..."
"Because of you, you'd been the best for me..."
"Because of you, you'd made me so much in love with you..."
"Because of you, I'd learnt alot..."
"Because of you, I'd changed alot..."
"Because of you, I'm the happiest person..."
"Because of you, I've nothing more important than you only..."
"Because of you, no one is yet to be compared..."
"Because of you, you'd made my day by saying 'I Love You'..."
"Because of you, you'd made my day by saying 'I MIss You'..."
"Because of you, you'd made me understand what's LOVE..."
"Because of you, I said I wont let you go..."
"Because of you, I said I'll never fall for others..."
"Because of you, I'm loyal to you..."
"Because of you, I'd made many commitments..."
"Because of you, I've became a better person..."
"Because of you, I've the best 'asset' in my life..."
"Because of you, you make me miss you so much..."
"Because of you, you make me love you so much..."
"Because of you, I love to love you more..."
"Because of you, I love to cared for you more..."
"Because of you, I will do anything for you...."
"Because of you, I would make you the happiest person..."
"Because of you, I'll never forget you..."
"Because of you, I wont look for others..."
"Because of you, I'll do many unexpected action..."
"Because of you, I'll never reluctant you..."
"Because of you, I wont be regret to be together with u..."
"Because of you, I can accept whatever critics from others..."
"Because of you, I can make you having a wonderful time together with me..."
"Because of you, I wont disappoint you anymore..."
"Because of you, I'll not let anyone gonna hurt u..."
"Because of you, I promised u I'll not hurt u anymore..."
"Because of you, I'll not make u suffer anymore..."
"Because of you, I've so much hope to stay still till today..."
"Because of you, I'd enjoyed so much being together with u..."
"Because of you, I'll share whatever ups and down together with u..."
"Because of you, I'm willing to be by your side no matter what happens..."
"Because of you, I found what's most important in my life..."
"Because of you, I am what I am today..."
"Because of you, I'll wait for you in no time where ever u go..."
"Because of you, I love you so much..."
"Because of you, we've sacrificed so much to be together..."
"Because of you, I'll have sleepless night missing and worrying about u..."
"Because of you, my tears never stop when u're not around..."
"Because of you, my love will never change..."
"Because of you, I'm doing so much..."
"Because of you, my heart always belong to you..."
"Because of you, I'll never stop thinking of you..."
"Because of you, I feel no shame..."
"Because of you, I write this..."
"Because of you, I'll never forget each and everything u said to me..."
"Because of you, I'll never forget each and everything u've done for me..."
"Because of you, I'll never forget to remember you baby..."
"Because of you, no one is able to understand what I need except u..."
"Because of you, no one will treat me as how u've treated me..."
"Because of you, I'll explore u no matter what obstacle I faced..."
"Because of you, I'll always be with u..."
"Because of you, I'll never break my promises..."
"Because of you, u will get what u wanted from me..."
"Because of you, u will never be alone eating..."
"Because of you, I'd NEVER and WONT betray u!"
"Because of you, I closed my choices for u only because I only wanted to be with u..."
"Because of you, I dedicate this song to u..."
"Because of you, I'll do many silly things for u..."
"Because of you, it's worth no matter what it takes to be with u..."
"Because of you, I'll not bother of your past..."
"Because of you, I'll never give up!"
"Because of you, I see plenty of colors in my life..."
"Because of you, rainbow appears in every second while u're by my side..."
"Because of you, I dont want to lose my beloved no matter what happened..."
"Because of you, I want to be with u..."
"Because of you, I'm never lonely..."
"Because of you, I'll never stop looking at your eyes..."
"Because of you, I'll never stop hugging u in my arms..."
"Because of you, I love u by kissing on your forehead..."
"Because of you, I'd been kissed on the forehead too..."
"Because of you, I love you by kissing on your nose..."
"Because of you, I hold your hands without letting it go..."
"Because of you, I want to give u back the happiness we used to have together..."
"Because of you, many wonderful event had happened..."
"Because of you, I only want to spend my time with u..."
"Because of you, I feel grateful and thankful for having u..."
"Because of you, I felt myself the luckiest person ever..."
"Because of you, I prioritize u..."
"Because of you, I only want to be the person who loves me truely..."
"Because of you, u'd given me the best and sweetest memories..."
"Because of you, u deserve the best from me..."
"Because of you, u'd mesmerize me..."
"Because of you, I need u so much..."
"Because of you, I'd always be sorry for what I've done to make u mad or sad..."
"Because of you, I've accepted all of u..."
"Because of you, I'll never say 'I hate you'..."
"Because of you, I dont want to waste time on anyone else..."
"Because of you, I'll share whatever I have with u..."
"Because of you, I'll always be supporting u physically or mentally..."
"Because of you, I share my heart with u...
"Because of you, I wont give up on anything especially u..."
"Because of you, I'm always yours..."

With Love,
-[aLbY]- @ -34-

When you believe . . .

Its hard to believe when one know another has known one well, but rumours has ruined whatever good name of oneself. Its even harder when one believe that the rumour is something which never and never thought it would happen before, but, hypocrites is F.O.R.E.V.E.R hypocrites, rumour is jz rumour. The truth is when you believe that rumour shouldn't be trusted especially rumour by hypocrites...which i hated and anti so much all this while! People who knows me well, would DEFINITELY know that i hated hypocrites and i dont betray too...If two really love each other, they should trust whatever they've been thru as evidence that they aren't as what the hypocrites says..

-[aLbY]-

I'm sorry . .

Only we know about this song existence, I'm sorry for the bad times, but i'll guarantee of the good times with u...

-[aLbY]-

Alike us . . .

Its just like us, we misses each other so badly when we couldn't see each other. We did alot of things, funny actions sometimes to make ourselve happy, sometimes for each other to be happy of seeing us doing funny actions. When the bad time comes, we will be separated for a moment, then after for a moment when we got fine back, the good times hit us to love each other even more. Truely, i'd never stop loving u before in fact I'd always been saying that u're the best gift on Earth, and u're still the best gift till today. I love you, I love you more than anything, anyone else, because u love me from the day you said you love me..Where ever i go, whatever i do, u're still and always in my heart and mind! Don't let go of me, I love you loads baby...

-[aLbY]- @ -31-

I MEAN YOU!

Hypocrites who ditch whatever they said and left unsolved problems to the others, will deserve the worst in their live! YOU WILL BE RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT YOU'VE SAID! Remember what I said here today... (if you terasa and felt for what i'm saying is about you then you'd better be careful of your words!) I'VE SAID BEFORE I HATED HYPOCRITES!

-[aLbY]-

I'd rather say on such a meaningful day . . .

It's another 23rd today, no one would ever know how much this day means to us even ourselves sometimes, but we'll surely say "I love you" on this meaningful day. Indeed, the song means everything i want to tell u...
But i wanted u to know that this are what's all from my heart...

I'd rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else
I'd rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself
I'd rather have hard times together, than to have it easy apart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart

I'd said this to you before and i want you to know this very clearly, "When you're the one I said I only love, You will always be the one I only love..." I'd never loved anyone before even from the day we begin until today, I'd never fell for anyone before except you also. If i ever get to swear, i'd rather swear that i never had loved anyone except you before. Even "The moment when I hold your hand, I said I will not let you go, I will never gonna let you go..". I'd never let you go before, I'd never betrayed you, I'd never love anyone else, I'd never think of anyone else, I'd been telling you the truth that no matter what happens, I will never gonna leave you cause I only love you in the heart but no one else...before, never before...and i wont too!

It represents how important you are to me, I'd rather love my "heart" and always cared for my "heart" which is also my "heart" cause nothing can be compared between you and me because our heart is both as one...

When you said you love me, I said I love you too, when you said you dont want to be hurt anymore, I said I will promise you to be a better person so that you will never gonna be hurt anymore cause I only wanted to be with you happily and only showered you with all my love...I'd never change before, I'd never change my sentence, I'm still who I am when you first knew me until today, the only thing was changed in me was how much you've enlighten and brighten my life and how much glory you've gave me with your love...

If I could have the opportunity to confess what's really in my heart, I would want to say I only love you with all my heart...it'd never been snatched, it'll never be snatched off by anyone too!

p/s: "I believe when the first time you said you love me, I know you really love me, when the second time you said you love me, I told myself I will not gonna leave you, when the third time you said you love, I said I'll never gonna let you go, whenever you said you love me, I told myself I'll be the best for you no matter what cause your love, can never be compared to anyone and that's why I love the whole of what you are today still...I'll still wait for you my beloved!"

With love,
-[aLbY]-

When you say you love me . . . .

I just wanna say that this is what it has always been in my mind that i wanted u to know my honesty and truthfulness that i love you as much as u do too...

With Love,
-[aLbY]-

Untitled

Only two things i wanted to say to you, I miss you very much & I love you till the bottom of my heart truely! Afterall, i only wanted u to know that i still care for u no matter what had happened because it is all worth for me to wait for you...

Yours truely,
-[aLbY]-

Since I found you . . . .

i think of you in everything that i do
to be with you what ever it takes i'll do
cause you my love, you all my heart desires
you've lighten up my life forever i'm alive

since i found you my world seems so brand new
you've show me the love i never knew
your presence is what my whole life through
since i found you my life begin so new
now who needs a dream when there is you
for all of my dreams came true
since i found you

your love shines bright
through all the corners of my heart
maybe you are my dearest heart
i give you all i have my heart, my soul, my life
my destiny is you
forever true... i'm so in love with you

since i found you my world seems so brand new
you've show me the love i never knew
your presence is what my whole life through
since i found you my life begin so new
now who needs a dream when there is you
for all of my dreams came true
since i found you

my heart forever true...
in love with you..

__________________________________________________________________________________________________

Its been a month, since we celebrated Valentine's together. I remembered that was the happiest moment of being together! I've planned something for the day, waiting for the time to past. Coincidence i've a whole day class, right after class ended at 5pm, i left in a rush to get u a Valentine's gift, it took me close to 2½hours to got u the gift! I was very happy, i hoped that u would be happy with the gift although it isnt as expensive as it's thought but it represents my sincerity to u of the Valentine's gift this year. I didn't have the chance to take a pic of the gift but only the Valentine's card. Heh, i actually prepared the card much earlier before Valentine's thou. We had dinner at Gardens, joked and were happy of the day, then went for a movie, CJ7! I was shocked that u wanted to watch movie that time, i didnt know, but i was very excited to hear that coz we finally could spend sometime for some movie together especially on such meaningful day! Although it was a pre-Valentine's but i was already very happy since then till Valentine's too. I only pass the gift by the end of the day, and i was asked not to waste anymore money! "I'm happy if i could be with u, dont waste money buying gifts edi lar ok...", my gifts are as an appreciation to express my love for u to make u feel that u're appreciated and loved by me alot! I do not and never felt it's not worth it to get anything for u before! I'll never forget this day...

p/s: "I love u very much, and misses u badly baby...."

-[aLbY]-

If you ever remember . . .

Two months is too little.
They let him go.
They had no sudden healing.
To think that providence would
Take a child from his mother while she prays
Is appalling.

Who told us we'd be rescued?
What has changed and why should we be saved from nightmares?
We're asking why this happens
To us who have died to live?
It's unfair.

Chorus:
This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we'd be held.

This hand is bitterness.
We want to taste it, let the hatred know our sorrow.
The wise hands opens slowly to lilies of the valley and tomorrow.

(Chorus)
This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we'd be held.

Bridge:
If hope is born of suffering.
If this is only the beginning.
Can we not wait for one hour watching for our Savior?

(Chorus)
This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we'd be held...

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________

I couldn't stay any longer, finally had fallen sick...the song means a lot to us! :'( jz let the song played by itself tonight. Goodnight everyone...goodnight to u too!

p/s: "I misses you so much baby...."

-[aLbY]-

I need you now . . . .

Here I am
At 6 a clock in the morning
Still thinking about you
It's still hard
At 6 a clock in the morning
To sleep without you
And I know that it might
Seem to late for love
All I know

[chorus]
I need you now
More than words can say
I need you now
I've got to find a way
I need you now
Before I lose my mind
I need you now

Here I am
Im looking out my window
Im dreaming about you
Cant let go
At 6 a clock in the morning
I feel you beside me
And i know that it might
Seem to late for love
For love

Guitar Solo

[chorus]
I need you now
More than words can say
I need you now
I've got to find a way
I need you now
Before I lose my mind
I need you now
More than words can say
I need you now
I got to here you say
I need you now
Before I lose my mind
I need you now

I need you now
_______________________________________________________________________________________________

No one, would ever ever ever know how much i need you my baby....I misses and needed u so so so badly!!~
_______________________________________________________________________________________________

Hoping that i'm really going thru things which is written on this horoscope about myself! "....Your personal relationships are also starting to feel more collaborative now, because you are both working on a common goal: Getting closer and learning more about each other." I've some faith in what this horoscope describe about me relating to my current situation, but....hoping that it would really turned out something positive at the end too! Anyhow, i guess i'm falling sick....flu, cough, body heating, body aching, tired....heh, not gonna take any medicine yet, coz i took some vitamins, and yea...i remember i was told to take this when i'm not feeling well, dissolve the vitamin into water and finish it at once! I jz did it...thank u so much! It'll be the best medicine ever! Love you...

Btw, i'd chicken rice earlier for dinner, i misses the moments of having chicken rice with u together! Hope that we could continue eating chicken rice together...for breakfast.....for lunch......and for dinner too!

-[aLbY]-

Right here waiting . . .

In the college now, having lab session! I suddenly heard of this song in the car earlier, i know it has been posted on the blog before, but i bet you guys will barely listen to this song so often, prolly once in awhile, but right now u can play it here! I'm still right here waiting for u baby....

-[aLbY]-

How do i live . . .

How do I get through one night without you
If I had to live without you
What kind life would that be

And I, I need you in my arms need you to hold
You're my world, my heart, my soul
If you ever leave
Baby you would take away everything good in my life
Without you there'd be no sun in my sky
There would be no love in my life
There'd be no world left for me
And I, baby I don't know what I would do
I'd be lost if I lost you
If you ever leave
Baby, you would take away everything real in my life
And tell me now

CHORUS
How do I live without you
I want to know
How do I breathe without you
If you ever go
How do I ever, ever survive
How do I, how do I, Oh how do I live

If you ever leave
Baby you would take away everything
Need you with me
Baby 'cause you know
That you're everything good in my life
And tell me now
_____________________________________________________________________________________

Heavy eyes with heavy eye bags! Had terrible insomnia lately, couldn't sleep well at all! Each rest could only last for a few hours. Each time when i was awake, i wont be able to continue sleeping, only my eyes are shut, but my mind is still functioning. Its still working and its still working very hard...i'm feeling such restless, useless, meaningless without you! Jz exactly as what it is sang in this song, its really very meaningful and baby, i'd really no idea how do i get through the rest of the nights without you... :'( i miss you so badly...

-[aLbY]- @ -17-

Truly, Madly, Deeply . . . .

Ya, i had insomnia again, when i opened my eyes, i thought i had really slept, but in fact, i didnt make it at all! I can only tell i miss u so much! I miss u really very much and i love u truly, madly, deeply too! Gotta go for a class soon then will be back home...

The waiting -[aLbY]-

I miss you . . .

Its the election day, everywhere is busy and road blocks everywhere, but i was at home only. I miss you...i think of you, and i can only say that i miss you so much, so badly! I love you baby, i love you and i'll cherish you as much as i could, will not gonna hurt you anymore! I kept to my words! I'll wait for you baby...i'll not regret of waiting for you coz you worth everything for me no matter what...

With Love,
-[aLbY]-

One more chance . . .

"The words I love you are not for anyone to say from their mouth to their beloved one. It's a feeling that you can whisper to each other from heart-to-heart without saying it aloud."

I believe when one said "i love you" it isn't for unnecessary but truely love that person then only it'll be told that. U remember when was the last time u said that to me? Yup, that night, the night where we were very happily together. And i still believe that u said that to me was from all by your heart, but not 'entertaining' or 'normal speech' coz i believe in you that u really did it for me. I love you truely, this is really from my heart all the time...never had doubt of saying it before, but each time i said it, u'll jz be stayed in my heart that i really love u and dowan to lose so easily...and i still believe u still love me too coz what i have is the faith in u that u wouldnt let go of me when i never had let go of u before!
_____________________________________________________________________________________________



I lie half awake
Late at night
I reach out to touch you
Feel you by my side
And I reach
And I reach
But I never get to feel you
Will I ever get to feel you again?
Again

Just one more time
One more moment
To take you in my arms
One more chance
One more kiss
Before I wake to find you gone
One more time
Before I have to face another day
And my heart breaks
Again

It's only a dream
But it's all so real
Don't want it to end
But I know it will
So I pray
And I pray
Every night I'm on my knees
Begging for the chance to see you again
Again

Just one more time
One more moment
To take you in my arms
One more chance
One more kiss
Before I wake to find you gone
One more time
Before I have to face another day
And my heart breaks
Again

Oh one more time
Before I have to face
Another day,
And my heart breaks again
Again
_____________________________________________________________________________________________

"The joy of loving always heals the hurt of loving." by D.E. Smith

As long as u love me, remembers every single event/thing between me and u, i'm surely going to proof to u that i'm able to succeed in what i promised and swear to u that i'll never gonna hurt u anymore. I'm able to love u so deeply yet kept waiting for u was because i could assure that the joy of love from me could heal the hurt i made to u! In the past i manage to wait for u yet u could forgive me & also managed to make us love each other even more, today, right here, i'll still wait for u and i'll assure that we'll love each other even more with the promises and swear i've made upon seeking for forgiveness from u that i wouldn't hurt u anymore. And i really mean it this time as i'll never ever gonna repeat any mistakes in the past that gonna hurt u anymore baby...trust me for this time and give me one more chance to be back with u...i love u and misses u badly in every single seconds and minutes!

Loves truely,
-[aLbY]-

۰۪۪۫۫L۪۫۰۪۪۪۫۫۫O۪۫۰۪۫V۪۫۰۪۫E۪۫ ۰۪۫Y۪۫۰۪۫O۪۫۰۪۫U۰

I Love You...

It reminds me of us so much in love together with each other, my tears tears, your love had made me blind till i love you so much and i dont want to lose you again. I'm very sorry, it'll never gonna happen anymore baby...

All this while, you are the first thing/person i think of when i wake up, the only thing/person i think of when i'm awake, and the last thing/person i think of before i go to bed, that means you are really somebody special who means alot and had brighten up so much in my life...I saw this heart shape muffin and bought it back few days ago, now it has represents my love to you. I'd came across this quote, "nothing is impossible, when it comes to love" because love is one of the greatest and strongest energy on Earth. This is how i understand how important you are to me in no matter what happens all this time. That's why i love you so much and misses you so badly everyday and night until today...no one would understand this feeling of mine for u coz no one would ever feel how i feel EXCEPT u. Without u...no one will understand how sad i am, but ONLY u do too, the truth, i'll wait, i wont let go u no matter what because u're what i could give up on anything and to make me happiest person...most importantly, u're the one I LOVE ONLY! I'm so so sorry baby...

Something for you here...

831 means 'I Love You'
- 8 letters
- 3 words
- 1 meaning

p/s: "I know that you are not perfect and nor can I claim to be either, but please believe me for this time, when I say that I want to be by your side, to hold your hand, to treasure you in the morning and in the noon-tide, to be next to you, to be held close to your heart now and then, to comfort you, dry your tears and calm your most frightening fears, to fight your battles and show no shame to scream my love for you out loud all over..."

Thats what i meant for you from my heart my love. I only want to be with you...

With love,
-[aLbY]-

Unconditional Love . . .

Unconditional Love

[Better to read the Chinese version below if you know Chinese. Thanks to No Name Angel for translating this entry into Chinese]

This morning, I had an online friend who was just came out from the hospital. He was there for mental depression. From the msn chat I had with him, he was having depression from his relationships. Deep disappointments from too much expectations in a relationship. Now he's doing fine and he's back to office for work. But he's still on anti depressant drugs to help him to recover.

In a loving relationship, how deep can we love each other? Do we love each till we forgot to love our ownself? Sometimes, I think alot about this question. In a relationship, both people need to love each other and need put effort into the relationship and also love ownself. For me, I love the relationship more than loving my ownself. I spend more time in the relationship more than for myself. I spend more money in the relationship more than for myself. Some people say I'm stupid because I should love myself more.

There are some people who found their compatible partner but scared to fall in love. They love their partner so much that they afraid to start a relationship. The reason being that the relationship may not end up well and hurt each other. Hurt other people and hurt ownself. To them, it's better to love from a distance. In a friendship. Having the love, as a friend, and not falling too deep. Love is just ironic. Love is suppose to be beautiful feeling. And yet, there can be so much pain in love. How can we love a person without having so much pain?

How do we love a person? I don't know for sure and I'm still learning. There are some people who wants to know everything the lover has done. Want to know all their lover's friends. Their lover's phone calls, SMS, daily activities, track where their lover is and whatsoever. They want to change their lover's lifestyle. When they do 'this and that' to their lover, they also expect their lover to do the same 'this and that' for them too. They will be thinking if their lover will love as much as they love their lover. Whether their lover will miss as much as they miss them. Whether their lover will sacrifice as much as they sacrifice for them.

To me, I prefer to have unconditional love. I will love my lover as much as I can. I will do as much as I can for my lover. But I will try not to expect the same thing in return. I will just do my best for my part. If I have too much expectations, there will be a lot of pressure in the relationship and it won't be enjoyable anymore. Just try to go naturally and things will change accordingly. if things are just nice, just let it be.

Things I write here can be so ideal. But sometimes I can be emotional and think a lot about relationship. Maybe I think too much. Love is just ironic. We cannot hold too tight. And cannot don't care at all. Maybe it's like flying a kite. Sometimes we need to pull back a bit, and sometimes we let the kite to fly with the wind. Pull too hard, the string will break. Let go too much, the kite will fly away with the wind. Love is like the string, that connects the lover and ownself.

A balance. I'm still learning very hard to achieve the balance. Do you feel the same way as I do too ?

Happy Chinese Valentine Day. Happy Chap Goh Mei.

+----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------+



无条件的爱



无条件的爱

今天早上，我的一个网友才刚出院。四天前他被送入医院，因为他需要接受心理辅导和药物治疗。他，患上了忧郁症。他出院后我和他在msn闲聊了一会儿，才知道原来他是因为感情出了问题，才患上忧郁症的。感情世界里的困扰，就像是一个无底洞，一旦处理不当，就会掉入那个无底深潭里，很难很难，才能够走出来。他，又何尝不是呢？他，就是因为对他的另一半期待太高了，结果就如俗语的那一句话一样：期望越高，失望就越大。幸好的是，他现在已经没有什么大碍，可以如常一样上班工作。只是他还需要定时服食镇定药来帮助他完全复原。

在我身边发生这样的事情，真令我有感而发。在一段感情里，究竟我们能够爱对方多深呢？我们是否总是深爱着对方到了忘我的境界？甚至，忘了该怎么去爱自己。很多时候，我总是为了这些很俗套的问题，而想到了很多很多。一段感情里，双方都应该爱着对方，感情永远都是一个双人参与的游戏。同时，双方又得为了这段感情而付出努力，而付出的同时，又得懂得如何爱惜自己。感情啊感情，真是多么矛盾的游戏。而我自己，总是爱他比爱自己来的多。赚回来的血汗钱，总是那么的舍得花在我们的感情生活里。有些人总觉得我很傻很蠢，因为人总该爱自己比任何人都来得多。事实真得如此吗？

寻寻觅觅，觅觅寻寻，有些人终于找到了合适他们的另一半，却犹豫着不敢去爱对方，不敢去开始那一段可以是多么华丽的感情。原因？竟然是多么的可悲，只因为他害怕感情到最后会变质，结果不只伤害了自己，害伤害了对方。果然有够可悲。把对爱对方的感觉，放在一个遥远的距离，甚至把这种感觉洒在友情的平台上，让大家站在友情这个平台上，不必付出，不必担心失去，不必担心伤害，那么永远永远的，大家都可以永远在一起。爱，就是如此的矛盾，它既可以像彩虹般旬兰美丽，也可以像服食砒霜般让人痛不欲生。究竟我们可以如何爱一个人却感觉不到通的感觉呢？

究竟我们该如何去爱一个人呢？又该如何好好地去经营一段感情呢？我不知道，也在学习着。有一些人，希望可以完全的掌握他爱人的全部，对方的日常活动，对方所有的朋友，对方的电话记录，对方手机的短讯，更想要知道对方每份每秒的一举一动。对方一切的一切，都在他的掌心里。甚至，要改变对方的生活方式。当他把这套经营感情的方式套在对方的身上，也期待对方能用如此的方式对待自己。他们的多疑，总让他们想得太多。究竟对方是否像我爱他那样的爱着我？究竟对方是否向我想念他一样的想念我？究竟对方会否像我一样付出所有来对待这段感情？这样的问题，总是时常环绕在他们的脑海里，不停的打转。。。

而我呢？我希望拥有无条件的爱。我会尽我的全力去爱对方，我会尽我的努力去为他做所有事情，只要他幸福就好。可是，我却尝试不去期待那么多的回报，只要求自己能做好我的本分。期待越高，失望就越高，这句话，并不是没有它的道理。当我们期待的越高，无形中压力就会悄悄的滋生在两人感情当中，压力总让人透不过气，忘了该怎么去享受一段真心付出的感情。缘起缘灭，让一切顺其自然，就是最好的方法。随着时间这个巨轮的转动，一切都会慢慢的改变。如果时间的前进，带来的是正面的改变，just let it be，一切都很好。

人的想法，总是那么的完美，就像我写的文字一样，流露着世界里最天衣无缝的韵味。可是，人毕竟是有感情的动物，我总是很容易被自己情绪打败，被困在一些很虚幻的问题之中。爱，总是那么的矛盾。我们既不可以握得太紧，也不可以洒脱的放开手。这就像是放风筝吧？！有的时候，我们须放手让风筝飘在蓝色的天空中，有必要时，也要把手中风筝的线收回。就是这样，收放自如。技巧不够熟练，，风筝就会断线，然后随风而飘，飘往那遥远的地方，只怕连说再见的机会也没有了。爱情就是风筝的线，把风筝和放风筝的人紧紧相连，却又是那么的脆弱。

平衡，一切都该如此。而我，还在努力的学习着如何在感情的世界里，达到平衡的境界。那么，在读着这篇心情文章的你，是否也一样呢？

祝你：元宵节快乐。

Credits to pikey
____________________________________________________________________________________

I saw this post on one of my very long lost friend, pikey, do not know whether he still remembers me or not, but its so true about what he said in the post. Although i wasn't in an "unconditional relationship" but, expecting alil is surely foresee in all relationships. I dont dare to say i didnt expect anything, but im willing to do anything for you jz because i love you more than myself. Rather do anything for you than for myself, spend whatever on you than myself, and even give you whatever you wanted from me as long as you're with me, let me loving you and share the ups and downs together, that would be what i wanted. I know you'd done the same to me too, but no matter what, i jz wanted u to know i'll still be there for you no matter what, fulfill your expectations from me (if im given sometime), will not repeat the mistakes ANYMORE and wait for you to let me be back by your side as i love you truely deep in my heart...



-[aLbY]-

Miss you like crazy!

I've insomnia again, i miss you so much baby...hoping u having a good rest now!

**kisses**

Always love you...

-[aLbY]-

I never wanna say goodbye to u . . .

I wanna know
Whoever told you I was letting go
Of the only joy that I have ever known
Girl they were lying
Just look around
And all the people that we used to know
Have just given up, they wanna let it go
But we're still trying

So you should know this love we share
Was never made to die
I'm glad we're on this one-way
street, just you and I
Just you and I

I'm never gonna say goodbye
'Cause I never wanna see you cry
I swore to you my love would remain
And I'd swear it all over again, and I
I'm never gonna treat you bad
'Cause I never wanna see you sad
I swore to share your joy and your pain
And I'd swear it all over again

All over again

Some people say
That everything has got it's place and time
Even the day must give way to the night
But I'm not buying
Cause in your eyes
I see a love that burns eternally
And if you see how beautiful you are to me
You'll know I'm not lying

Sure there'll be times we wanna say goodbye
But even if we tried
There are some things in this life won't be denied
Won't be denied

Repeat chorus

The more I see of you
Is the more I know I love you
And more that I'm sure
I want you for ever and ever more
And the more that you love me
The more that I know
Oh that I'm never gonna let you go
Gotta let you know that I

I'm never gonna say good bye
(I'm never gonna say goodbye)
Cause I never wanna see you cry
(I never wanna see you cry)
I swore to you my love would remain
And I'd swear it all over again, and I
I'm never gonna treat you bad
(Never gonna treat you bad)
Cause I never wanna see you sad
(I'm never gonna see you sad)
I swore to share your joy and your pain (oh no)
And I'd swear it all over again
All over again, all over again
And I'd swear it all over again
____________________________________________________________________________________

Went to college again, one class ended then another few hours of break, then continue class again till 5pm. No where to go, dont plan to go anywhere also, not really feeling well as well, so i went back home to try to take some rest, ate something, but not much, so i went back to my room to try doing something...end up, i wanted to sweat, so i went to the gym for a while...do think, do think, do think, do and think of u all over again. This song is so about us all this while and i love u really much as how i used to, i never wanna say goodbye to u, cause i never wanna see u cry, i swore to u my love would remain and i'd swear it all over again, i'm never gonna treat u bad, cause i never wanna see u sad, i swore to share your joy and pain, and i'd swear it over and all over again i'm never gonna treat u bad baby...i miss u so much! No matter what happens, i'll wait and will wait for you...

Love,
-[aLbY]-

Ai wo bie zhou . . . .

Yup, its been another day, couldn't sleep at all, woke up on and off, switching my monitor on and off again. Cant sleep at all, when i really rested, then i was awake again! Sigh...anyhow, i went to college at 12.30pm, there was lab session till 3.30pm. Then went for a walk and a short gym, cant do anything much there, i only know i was restless and strengthless at the gym. So i left and went back home for dinner...i was stucked in the jam for close to 40mins! Been thinking alot, and i wasn't looking fine, been worrying alot, no one would know, no one would understand, no one would feel how it feels also....

Anyway, this song reminds me of something, hehe, nevermind, i jz hoped that you ai wo bie zhou coz i still loves you no matter what! I've been worried about you and also misses you so badly...u knew it!!! Its jz like a shooting star, and shooting star means alot to everyone, especially when you get to see it in your life, you'll make the best wish and would enjoy that moment coz it dont last long and it'll only appear once in awhile. Jz like how we met and got together, its never easy, there're lots of others outside, but why not them? Heh, only God knows...but i only wanted u to know that u mean ALOT to me in my life and i love you truely with my heart, i'll be waiting for you no matter what...

The one who's waiting.. @ -[aLbY]-

Burn for you . . .

Was at college from 9am till 5.30pm today, it's so darn freaking bored and wasting time. Attended 1hrs30mins class then break for 5hours, then only continue another 1hrs30mins class. Spent the time not doing anything much in the college, out for lunch then back to college. I was stoning at times in the class again, walking in and out of the class for nothing. While on the way back home, i was very upset and emotional again after listening to a song. So reminds me of all the time being with u, and i miss u really really badly too...



I got myself into some trouble tonight
Guess I'm just feeling blue
It's been so long since I've seen your face
This distance between me and you
That voice you showed me is not the one I know
I must be strung out on what I do
Don't hang up again
There's nothing else I know how to do

But I burn for you
What am I gonna do
I burn for you

I guess it feels like you're always alone
And I feel that way too
It's so hard to explain to you
Please understand what I do

I burn for you
What am I gonna do
I burn for you
Burn for you

Took my trouble to a bar tonight
For another point of view
But there's nothing new
I'm missing you

I burn for you
What am I gonna do
I burn for you
Burn for you
oh I burn for you
What am I gonna do
I burn for you
Burn for you
What am I gonna do
I burn for you
Burn for you
Burn for you...

p/s: I've regretted for what happened, i'm feeling terribly sorry about it as i really dont mean to... :( i'll wait for you no matter how long it takes for u to forgive me, coz i truely love you as much as before..."

-[aLbY]-

Insomnia . . .

It's 8.30am now, i'm still not asleep. I've insomnia, i couldn't sleep. I miss you very much and i'm worried. Fear to lose you till i couldnt sleep at all! I miss you badly, i love you badly too baby...

-[aLbY]-

I'll make love to you . . .

Close your eyes, make a wish
And blow out the candlelight
For tonight is just your night
We're gona celebrate, all thru the night
Pour the wine, light the fire
Girl your wish is my command
I submit to your demands
I'll do anything, girl you need only ask

I'll make love to you
Like you want me to
And I'll hold you tight
Baby all through the night
I'll make love to you
When you want me to
And I will not let go
'Till you tell me to

Girl relax, let's go slow
I ain't got nowhere to go
I'm just gonna concentrate on you
Girl are you ready, it's
gonna be a long night
Throw your clothes on the floor
I'm gonna take my clothes off too
I made plans to be with you
Girl whatever you ask me,
you know, I'll do

Baby tonight is your night
And I will do you right
Just make a wish on your night
Anything that you ask
I will give you the love of your life

I'll make love to you
Like you want me to
And I'll hold you tight
Baby all through the night
I'll make love to you
When you want me to
And I will not let go
'Till you tell me to

p/s: "I'll be waiting for you no matter what, i'll make love to you, for whatever you asked for, i'll change and i'm sorry to you my love...i swear i'll be good to you! There'll be now lies within anymore..."

-[aLbY]-