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Memoirs..
Time flies and its been two months, who knows that im still having insomnia everynight, yet i'm still waiting for you. I know there were many things happened lately, really many unexpected incident happened. I dont know why, i really dont know why! My life has been miserable coz of being misunderstand, but what i can do is to clarify, but the clarity isn't working much. It isn't not only not working, but i felt many other unrelated things coming in too. *heartbreak* Eventually i have to face others that im such kind of person, its so suffocating. I tried avoiding, i tried hiding, i tried forcing myself to stay away from everyone coz i'm afraid, i'm afraid what would happen the next few minutes, hours or days! Some may be thinking that im pretending or seeking for sympathy, some may be taking what i said seriously, but the truth is only within me, myself and I, and the God! Its 23-04-2008, another 23rd alone..., previously, every 23rd, i'll have the sweetest dinner, sweetest day, sweetest ice-cream, sweetest words with the sweetest person. It makes me recalled of so much, really very very much of what we've done and been thru together, but in the end, things turned out like this today, unfortunately, unexpectedly!
Recently, i've just finished watching "Heart of Greed", its a chinese series, some may know what series some may not, but its alright, it isnt important to know or not also but there's something i would like to share about. In this series, there are scenes which are very touching, i can say the scenes can be applied to what i faced before and now. Love is an easy come, easy go thing, but both really loving each other and been thru so much is not easy at all. We'd faced many ups and downs together within the period we've been together; happy, unhappy, disappointment, fear, death, celebrations, anniversaries, surprised etc...no matter what happened, we'll also be there for each other to overcome it together or share it together. I miss the sound, i miss the sound of laughter, i miss the feeling, i miss the feeling of being cared and loved by the one i love, i miss u, i miss the whole u in my life. I remembered there were times we hugged each other while tearsing. That time, we will hug each other tightly, tearsing saying we love each other very much, we're sorry to each other and the conversation continues...i wanted to hug u, not only plain hugging u but hugging u to sleep too. I remember which was the best time, when u need to go for car service and i was still sleeping, u gave me a peck on my forehead and pamper me on my head before u left! That was the sweetest thing i'd in my life! I felt so much in love with u, not at that time, but so much love from u!
I can tell, u're the greatest person i've met, u're the one and only which i really love so much and have given me the love i want, the "warm" feeling in my life. U'd enlighten me so much, although there were arguements at times, but sometimes, arguements cant be avoided as some arguements are just meant to happen at the wrong time in some relationships. Some may strenghten the relationship, some may weaken the relationship, but i guess i've been positive enough to take all the arguements to strenghten our relationship. Nonetheless, we've been thru many arguements and things together, even no matter what u are today, i'm still here waiting for u. I may be waiting for nothing, but as long as if i'd really tried my best, time will tell am i doing the right thing for the right person or not. I believe in myself, i believe in what i've been thru with the one i love, and most importantly i believe in u who said "i'm the only one u love but no one else", hence, this is why i've been writing for the past 60days. I've gotta say, love is a very strong power that could make one crazy for it! Some dont believe in love, or maybe true love, but i need u to assure one thing, we will not get to be together this long if we dont really love each other. Each and everywhere i've been to or passing thru, it only reminds me of u along the pathway. In the series, there's this couple, where they really love to be with each other and loving each other very much, but there had many arguements, and in the end, they broke up on and off. At the end, the gal really insisted to break up with the guy. The guy love her very much, and for sure the gal too but she doesnt want to get back together, she has been looking for her besties for a talk and being sad at most of the time. Day by day it passes, week by week, month by month, years by year...eventually, they bumped onto each other for business, but sad to say there were once, the guy met in an accident, the gal had decided to forgive, therefore, she'd sent him a mail. After the guy met in the car accident, without thinking twice, he forced himself to walked to the nearest telephone booth and called the gal, telling her the point he had in mind for the case the gal is in charge of as both of them is a lawyer. The moment he finished his point and said to the gal that he'll call her back when he's back home as he's driving, but when the guy hangup the call, the guy perished...after sometime, the gal received a call from the police station, knowing that the guy had perished, she was terribly upset and cried out loud, refuse to accept the truth but kept crying...
Its sad, its really sad that the guy couldnt read that she'd forgive him and wanted to get back together, but from here, we knew that the both of them really loving each other very much after years had passed. I may be thinking too far away, but its an example of what we've "gone thru" before and also the present. I do not want to have guilt in life! We'd been thru so much together, although it isn't as much as others thought, but also not as little as other thought, but it's sufficient for me to proof that i really love u! I miss those days, i miss the time when u hold my hands, i miss the time when u kissed me on my forehead before sleep, i miss the time when u kissed my forehead and left then came back after that! No one would understand how would i feel, and why should i wait for u...maybe even urself dont know why, but as a summary, your "love" told me to do so coz i'm sure no one would understand u more than i do...
This song is dedicated to u, it's also a theme song from the series, "My love will get you home". Alright, i'm tired, still sick, not feeling well i mean, its time for me to pen-off. Goodnight everyone...goodnight to u my love! *kisses on forehead*
Here's another song, i know u liked this song too...goodnight! Starry starry night for me...
p/s: "Love you, love you, and i'll always be loving you..."
With love,
-[aLbY]- @ -60-
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