PARANOID

I'm feeling very paranoid lately, very paranoid. I do not know what is myself and where am i standing on Earth. I felt i'm left out at a corner yet everyone, i mean EVERYONE is having their "life" now. Maybe we should call it simple life instead. I'm a complicated person, a very very very complicated person, thats what people saying this days. I do not even know that myself is as complicated as it was thought. No wonder i've been lonely all this while, paranoid in the night, tearsing asking "why, why and why...?" I really dont know why am i feeling so paranoid lately. Tears when i'm alone, tears during the midnight and before sleep. EAch day i'm feeling even tired and exhausted. Beginning to feel i'm in an empty space alone. I tried, and tried and have been trying to get something back but.....i dont know but, i'm lost, i'm confuse, i'm somewhere hanging in the middle in the air, couldn't find my "simple life". Simple life is what everyone wanted, i'm still seeking for it but what's most important, I am not complicated! Its been sometime including my friends and family including someone which i still love and cared, should have known me well, should've known what and who i am, am i really such a complicated or who gives trouble to others kind of people? :'( i need someone, i need "someone" to be by my side to keep me courage and energy. Afterall, u know me best, u know me well, i'm sorry for what happened, i'm awake from the fairytale, i'll not repeat the old silly mistakes anymore, if only i could have u back in my arms...

Goodnight everyone...

p/s: "I'm missing something, something very valuable to me, but eventually "it" thought "it" isn't valuable to me anymore...i miss u, for real, if u dont believe me"

If you don't know me by now"

Love,
-[aLbY]- @ -96-

Without you

-[aLbY]- @ -94-

Saturday Mr.Lonely..

I'm feeling terribly lonely, sad, exhausted and lost now...
My bro is not around, sister is not around too, only my parents...
I'm all alone... :(
I need "someone's" help...



I dont know what can I do when I miss you so much.. :'(
Goodnight everyone...

-[aLbY]- @ -92-

Just for you . . .

-90-

I see you beside me
It's only a dream,
A vision of what used to be
The laughter, the sorrow
Pictures in time
Fading to memories.

How could I ever let you go
Is it too late to let you know

I tried to run from your side
But each place I hide
It only reminds me of you
When I turn out all the light
Even the night
It only reminds me of you... you...

I needed my freedom
That's what I thought
But I was a fool to believe
My heart cried while you cried
Rivers of tears but I was too blind to see

Everything we've been though before
Now it means so much more

I tried to run from your side
But each place I hide
It only reminds me of you
When it turn out all the light
Even the night
It only reminds me of you...

Only you...
So come back to me
I'm down on my knees
Can't you see...

How could I ever let you go
Is it too late to let you know

I tried to run from your side
But each place I hide
It only reminds me of you
When it turn out all the light
Even the night it only reminds me of you... you

Only reminds me of you

_______________________________________________________________________________________________

Its been 3months, there's nothing much to reveal or whatsoever, some people used this term as "watever" heheh where ever i go, it'll only reminds me of you. I wondered, i really have been wondering, would you think of me where ever we'd been together before, or whenever it is. Honestly, i really do, but the worst thing is that i couldn't do anything about it! :( laying on the bed everyday and night, thinking whether will i have anymore chance to do what i used to hug u to sleep, or had pillow talked with u before sleep. Hugging seems to be a very normal act to anyone, but hugging someone u love so much, is something special, something very special which no one could describe but u'll eventually get 'addict' to it. Some may think its nonsense that i'm writing now, probably its useless, or maybe stupid, but i've got to admit that, this is what 'you' mean to me. I may mean nothing to anyone, but i couldn't deny to say out the truth that indeed, u've always been in my heart. No doubt although i've hurt u before, but all this time, including this 3months post, its' all truely from my heart. Although i couldn't wish you face-by-face nor sms, its the 1yrs10mths anniversary, but i'll only wish you here, happy 20th month anniversary my love...i've been missing you so much, and will always love you...

Love,
-[aLbY]- @ -90-

The closer I get to you

The closer I get to you
The more you make me see
By giving me all you got
Your love has captured me

Over and over again
I tried to tell myself that we
Could never be more than friends
And all the while inside I knew it was real
The way you make me feel

Lying here next to you
Time just seems to fly
Needing you more and more
Let's give love a try

Oh
Sweeter and sweeter love grows
And Heaven's there for those
Who fool the tricks of time
With the hearts of love, they find true love
In a special way

The closer I get to you
The more you make me see
By giving me all you got
Your love has captured me

Over and over again
I tried to tell myself that we
Could never be more than friends
And all the while inside I knew it was real
The way you make me feel

The closer I get to you
The feeling comes over me
Me too
Pulling closer, sweet as the gravity

The closer I get to you

"For you, my love.."

-[aLbY]- @ -89-

bUTTEr cAKe!!~

I want you to need me LYRICS

It has been quite sometime since i last ate butter cake, i miss butter cake so much! I miss the chocolate butter cake u used to baked for me to eat!!~ I miss u lots...

-[aLbY]- @ -86-

**random post**

Knowing that myself cant do anything, i really felt restless and useless of myself... :'(

-[aLbY]- @ -85-

What can i do?

I jz need u to be with me, i'm feeling things are getting worst in the surrounding this days. I realized "shadow" is whats left, somehow some thing is moving further away from me. There's nothing that i can do to hold someone's heart, i felt useless of myself. Is there a point missing and wondering what the person i love doing everyday and night? Can someone assist me, what to do? What can i do to get things back? :'(

-[aLbY]- @ -85-

ENOYLNO

-Day 83-

I realise i'm not good enough, in terms of everything especially in talent as well as the whole of myself. I'm really not as good as so many in the surrounding. I seems to be a total failure. Lately i found out something mysterious, the mysterious is so much of talent! I'm really a failure! Thats why i'm here alone, tonight, updating the blog while i'm falling sick soon with my thick eye bags, i'm never good enough for anyone...

Goodnight Alby!

-[aLbY]- @ -83-

Untitled

-Day 79-

I realise i've lost in this "game" where everyone take this as a game, but to me it's never a game! I dont know how should i express my feelings, but it's jz as if i lost myself...again even if i love one so much. I remember a phrase, 'once a loser, forever a loser." I've lost in this game, lost everything now, i'm a loser, and everyone see how i lose it! Even no matter how strong i am towards anything, especially in my relationship, i'll still lose it! I'm lost and alone...i'm lonely, and i'm distraught walking alone too. I dont know what's loving and missing someone so badly, i dont understand what's me, myself and i, i definitely won't know who i am anymore too. Perhaps, i should be MIA to the third world alone although i'd never give up on u before. But i know i deserve to be all alone since u've ignored me, even when u've always been in my heart... *tears..*

Love,
-[aLbY]- @ -79-

L o s t

Lost, i'm lost tonight! Lost of love, lost of care, lost of hugs, lost of touch, lost of someone i always love! *S.O.S* I just want to say how much i really love you in my heart...whatever you've lost, i lost too, whatever i wanna gain is the trust towards my love and sincerity for u coz i wanna proof whats the three words mean and how much u mean to me too!

-[aLbY]- @ -76-

I miss you . . .

I chose to walk with you from the beginning, i'd never regretted to be with you before. Right up till today, i'm still holding on for you cause there's nothing more i could express besides saying "i love you"..., it may not mean anything to you anymore, but there's nothing mean more than you compared to anything. Would you let me hold your hand back? *tears* i dont know........... *tears* i only know that, missing one whom u can barely see and love so much, the feeling is as if i'm being stabbed in the heart by the besties!

Love,
-[aLbY]- @ -74-

One night . . .

Yesterday was the first day of class in a brand new semester, not too bored, but still bored! Half way of the last class, i left early for servicing and repair for my SLK. Reached to the place at 4pm, only get to leave at 6.30pm, having dinner at 8pm! The dinner was ok, the ambience..., isn't as before but it's still fun and enjoyable. After dinner everyone left, after fetching two of my friends back, i didn't wanna go back home, so i went to the mamak alone. One of the friend came to keep my company for 45mins, then left, and i was alone again. I wasn't feeling well during at the mamak, till i got back home, i was having terrible headache and *swing*, so i took a short bath and slept after that. Sad...sad...lonely...sick...heartache...missing someone...sIgh!~ I miss u....but i know....

-[aLbY]-

"Chen Rak Te"

Lately i learnt this from my friend, "chen rak te". It's ok if y'll don't understand this word :D to those who knows this word, ya, thanks for reading this post. Its not necessary to spend your time reading my blog, but this is where i start, where i'll end too. Anyhow, people u may be wondering what's this post all about? Nothing much really, its jz about the music u're listening right now...sit, relax and enjoy! Whatever feeling that gives y'll while listening to this music, go ahead and think about it. To me, there's jz sadness, sadness, sadness and sadness, guessed i'll jz call it "depression". Sad of what? Sad of something, something that someone would understand how would i feel for this musical song...

New semester, class starting shortly, my eyes are tired, and still sick, insomnia again. Anyhow, its 5am now. I'm missing someone, someone i miss hugging in my arms. I couldn't express that anymore, what i would say here is "chen rak te". Goodnight readers...

-[aLbY]- @ -72-