The Gift - to me . . .

Baby, I (heart) you for real and everything has been true from me to you...nothing is been FAKE before!

今天看見永遠的第一天, 終於實現我和妳的諾言, 時間將一切拉遠, 愛在心裡沒有改變..

今天看見愛飛過地平線, 當我說完我對妳的誓言, 這是另一個起點, 我一定愛妳到永遠...

到永遠....

Do you remember this phrases? I've never forgotten about it before, someone had dedicated me this song in years back, I was told that the meaning in the entire song is what it meant to me, ever...because of this, I love that person even more and i've make my words to that person, i love that person truely for real, i'll never gonna let that person go... :'( i'll never forget whatever the both me and that person have said to each other from those days right up till today, they all have been kept in my heart all this while...i'll never have a change of heart even if that person is better because my words to that person are real, and whom i really love, i knew it all by myself, by right that person knew it too but that person have lack of confidence yet been thinking that things WONT BE TRUE because TRUE LOVE never exist, especially on that person itself. No you're wrong, No you under-estimated my sincerity, No you've been thinking too much, No you've thought it all wrong! The one I claimed i'll only love, will love, and love from those days right up till today is still the same, and never changes before! We've said to settle things down together before, and i've been looking forward that after the 'misunderstanding and miscommunication' ended! The 'someone' and 'that person' i've been talking about is always YOU BABY!!! :'( did you know i've never thought i would have such lover in my life that will loves and made me loves so much? You're always special to me, that's why i never wanted you to be "obtained" by anybody else except me. Few years back, i've bought a couple ring but..., and this year i've got it from you, i was extremely greatful and thankful for the meaning of it! EVERYTHING, i mean really EVERYTHING you'd given to me, i've been appreciating it, and whatever from my beloved, they mean everything to me, nevertheless, it means your love for me too! I've always have faith in you baby!! No matter what it is, i swore to God, i've been real and sincere towards you and each and everything we've been through all these years together!~ Thank you so much my beloved...


<< You're the one that I love, and I love, and I love and I have never been as you thought or like others said before! I never betray you, I never lied to you (except last year's incident), I never take you as a toy, I never hide anything from you, I never take this relationship like you thought NOTHING or NOT SERIOUS, I have never taken you for granted before either baby, I SWEAR I REALLY HAVE NEVER BEEN FAKE TO YOU BEFORE.. :'( >>

For now, i dedicate this to you, it don't mean just what it was sang, but it means every single moment we were together from the lyrics in this song...and it's all about what we've always wanted and it's my love for you too!

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I'm suffocating, I've been suffocating from a severe pain that i can barely take, i've never been fake to you, i've never been fake to you before! How are you suppose to believe me?? :'( tears been tearsing everyday, i really couldn't bear the infinite pain in my heart that you thought of me as a 360 changed to someone you dont know who anymore. I dont know why, i dont know how, i dont know who either (whether i know or not), but i've never changed before!!!! I'm really getting weaker and weaker, day by day, i'm feeling it's the end of the world. Whatever i've been describing yet been telling you from the olden days, they're all TRUE! I've never lied and you've brighten and enlighten my life, i do not want to lose you at all baby!~ i've really been appreciating every single moment, single thing we did together and you did for me and have never had any bad intentions before, never, never and i've NEVER!!! :'( what's the point of betraying you when i've been the one who'd been holding you and been trying to save the relationship each time. You're not naive, you're never naive, you're not as you thought but you've always been the baby i love most for real, for true, for everything sincerely!! I know i lied and broken your heart last year, i really didnt mean it! I dont know how am i suppose to described that to you but i really have no harm at all! :'( please dont keep that in your heart anymore baby..i've learned my lessons well enough, i really did, i really never hide anything behind you before!!! I'm not that kind of person, i'm never that kind of person especially towards my beloved, and you'd became my everything, i really didnt betray or taken you as a "toy" before either...my entire life, getting to know you is the most fortunate miracle incident happened, getting together with you, is my greatest happiness ever in my life...you're the only one who'd given me hope to feel "alive" and to be rely on, if you were no one to me, i'll never have you as part of my family, i'll never give whatever shares i've to you baby.. :'( I REALLY LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART BUT ISN'T FOR ANY ADVANTAGE AT ALL BABY......

You've been asking "would I be the man u used to know?", yes, that's my answer, because my heart and soul had never changed before. We both have done a lot for each other, we've been through a lot, whatever i've got from you, i'll never forget, and i'll never let go because you've got my heart and soul with you, if you leave me because of untrue stories, by my friends (so called), your friends, or whatever they're called, i'd rather have my life hanging with suffocation and depression everyday. I've begun to realize, i've no one to trust or to count on anymore...ever since i realized what you've told me before since a year back, i've begin to lose friends in my surrounding because EVEN my friends betrayed me by accusing me to my beloved, i do not know the motive, but all i know, i've been only believing in you ONLY all this while, there's no one that i could count on anymore! I'm realizing the friends i've can only become a "hi bye" or "to company" only, but isn't by heart having me as a their friend. Even 'you' have got me all wrong that i'm an a$$hole to you, i've lost everything, yet been keeping myself in the closet because everyone outside there are a threat to me. These days, i've been keeping myself very far away from many people, but only staying at home or going for class. Even the people i'm very close with, i rarely mix to them anymore, or even meeting them anymore, because of all the rumours and words spread off, till the one whom i love most, partially was because of this reason. I'm scare, i've fell into the dark hole again, my world is surrounded by dark circles, dark clouds everywhere, evils everywhere, the only people i see whose my saviour, only my family and YOU! I can bear, i said before that i can bear every pain without you take it, but i'll never get to bear the pain without you baby, i've never changed to somebody else before. I'm always the Alby whom you always want him to be, and love him. I know i've weaknesses that makes you thought i would be a burden to you in your life, i'm sorry, i didnt know i've been your burden this long before but as a whole, i've never needed you to have me as your burden instead as what the song sang, "The way we held each other's hands, the way we talked, the way we laughed, it felt so good to fall in love, and I knew right there and then that you were the one.....I'm so happy, so happy that your in my my life, and baby now that your a part of me, you've showed me, showed me the true meaning of love(the true meaning of love), and I know he loves me..".

I mean my words to you baby, without you, my life had became dull, i've no natural laughter because you're not around joking with me, my visions only seeing black and white or sepia colors, i'm always with the distraught and worried expression...i dont want them, i need you, i want you back, i'm ain't playing, i'm ain't making EMPTY PROMISES, i'm ain't a player at all, i couldn't afford to play the "love game", i can only have ONE heart, ONE life, ONE beloved, and ONE motive which is loving and understanding you, i would rather spend my lifetime for you....with you, my love ones...you're right, i could take everything from you because you love me very much you claimed, but i've never lied to you either, that you could take my life away too if you had someone else and hated me. You'd been ignoring me for the past 2-3weeks, i've been in total distraught mood for that long.

Don't hate me baby, don't hate me anymore, please love me, i need your love, please love me like how we used to love each other!!!!~ :'( bee have always been real to you baby...if it's true that you said to me that your love is true to me, waiting wouldn't waste anything much in my life, i'll wait for the true love from you to be in existence back...i've always see "our relationship" a miracle and it's all different from others, because of you, i love you for everything, i'll wait for you to forgive my silly mistakes...

I really mean every single word sang in the song to you baby!!! You beautify me and my life, i'll not miss this opportunity to let you know, you didnt just mean how much 'I love you' but i love you more than what it means because i love you for all i could in my life...and that's exclusively for you, my beloved!

p/s: "I believe in every phase of relationship between us, if we really love each other (no matter who loves who more or etc), it's always worth me doing/sacrificing anything for you for us baby...i really love you for real! And i miss you very very much too baby..."

Goodnight everyone...

Yours love,
-bEE-
Day 38