Expression...

Today i went out for lunch with a few friends, after that we went for movie, 'The Curious Case of Benjamin Buttons.' Indeed, i would recommend to watch this movie, it's greatly produced with very good graphics! Very good storyline yet a very touching loving movie. Everybody wanted to have a relationship as though like how Benjamin and Daisy had in the movie, including myself. There were many scenes that reflected to myself! Tears dripping again...

To me, Benjamin is an unfortunate born child. He was born with a life the other way round, from old to young, he was born with a very ugly face which will scare most people away, thank God sent him a saviour, Queenie@Mama, the mother when his real parents left him. Queenie loves Benjamin very much as if her own born child. Benjamin have been living in the Old Folk Homes together with Queenie for 17years, then he left to see the world. Benjamin had a very unlucky life, a normal human being will grew up with happiness from young to old, die when they're really old but he's different, he watches everybody whom he loves, whom he knows dies one by one...both Benjamin and Daisy are so much in love with each other! They had their greatest moment together! They almost had everything, but sad to say Benjamin has an extraordinary life, so he chose to leave, as time passes, years goes on, he became from old to young, to even younger and died as the youngest when he'd became a baby! Benjamin dies with a diary left for Daisy...which he'd stated every single moment of his life since he was born till the day he last remember things in his life for Daisy and the daughter. Throughout the whole movie, it was between the daughter and ill mother, Daisy who'd already admitted in the hospital, close to her last moment, but she wanted the daughter whose name is named on behalf Daisy's mother, Caroline. Daisy asked Caroline to read out loud what was stated in the diary before she's leaving...by the end of the story, Caroline only realized her real dad was Benjamin Buttons. Sigh...

Well, that was a brief summary of Benjamin Button's life. I will relate it to myself for now. My life isn't the same as Benjamin's of course, i have a way much better and fortunate life than he does. What i'm implying here is that Daisy says to Benjamin, "...nothing is worth more than having you in my life...". I believe that true love does really exist, i do not mean the ending of Benjamin and Daisy, but what i meant was their times when they were together, no matter how much they've been through, they both still love each other and got back to each other. We're so much more fortunate than the both of them, they do not have a choice because Benjamin has an extraordinary life, we don't, we're way much better! I love you as much as how much Benjamin loves Daisy, i do not wanna lose you for nothing in the end. I do mean what i said to you that "nothing is worth more than having you in my life", which means you mean "everything" to my life. At this point of time, everyone including you may be thinking that Alby is bullshitting, but how much can i bullshit that what i've done in last year, i did waited for you in the end because i mean my words, "i'll never gonna let you go, because i love you with everything baby." I mean it. I want to watch the sunrise and sunset with you like how Benjamin and Daisy did, i'm ain't in a fairytale or dream, but what i meant is what we can do in real. I knew there were loads of the bad past that kept haunting you from trusting me or getting "real" to me, imagine what and how have you been treating throughout the times since after my birthday. You love me, you misses me, you cared for me, and you were still the you i knew, not till more misunderstanding and problem between us which we couldn't justify and sort it together, things just got worst again only.

Imagine the time you said you love, imagine the time you said you misses me, imagine the moments we were together on the "big day". I've always been appreciating you ever since the last time i made my mistake, i wouldn't expect you too much to totally forget about it, but at least try to let it go slowly and keep the finger cross to yourself, Alby can still be counted on and loved. If i'm not worth you loving, why would you give me 'that'? I know u have been thinking that i don't appreciate you in the previous, and i may do the same thing to you again, baby, you hold my breath, i gave you everything, i knew my mistakes, i changed from bad to good, yet to gain everything we've lost in the last time. I do not wanna have regrets, i even don't hope you would have hatred in me. Look in your surrounding now baby, i'm everywhere in your space because we develop everything together right up till today, that's why i'm still here writing this for you. I wanna settle things down with you, we need to solve the problems we had, nothing can't be solved if you have the heart to solve. Every time i uses "we", "us", "together" was because i love you and we're together. We always have a goal and wish to become true, it's to get all the unhappy away and replace everything back like those days, all the happiness back! I don't need anything except you. I claimed that. What others said about us, i don't give a f*ck, yet they were just jealous and envy they couldn't be like us. There're loads of things we haven't done it together yet, i do not wanna waste any much more time as those days, but to show and proof you that i've really been appreciating each and every single thing you've done for/to me. If i didn't love you truely, this wouldn't happen, it will never happen, or i'll never suffocate missing you so badly baby. I knew you're tired and sick of many things, i will give you time to cool down, i won't leave you, and i know it may be sounded a little too demanding. In fact, i would just want you to "get" the real me that i'm really treating you with the heart. Relax yourself and your mind for the meantime i hoped you could try letting go of the past, i know its very difficult, for the things we've developed together, i've nothing to request, but plain you let go of the past and really forgive me, i know the truth that you still love me, thou its lesser or even lesser, i don't mind as long as we managed to justify and clear the problems we've been having, everything would be better for a better tomorrow....

Baby, listen, i didn't lie, i didn't pretend or fake, nor hide anything behind you. I've been treating you sincerely and even more true that anything else today. I know there are many whose discouraging you to forget about me now, but you know me best, if i didn't mean anything/anyone to you, you wouldn't love me, and i wouldn't love you this badly too. I will wait for you, i mean my words to you, i wouldn't abandon you at all! I just want to proof, i love you more than anything else, and it worth more than anything too baby... I miss you!!

I'm going back to busy life again shortly, 1st day of level 3, first semester @ 10am! Wish me luck...

-[aLbY]-