Insomnia...again!

I don't like the feeling, I don't like the imagination I'd in my mind that keeps running here and there, FOOLING me! I can't take it, it's so tiring, my brain is feeling of to blast! "Human being never get what they wanted." Even no matter how committed I am, how much I've been thinking and missing one, others just never feels it! :'( especially when I'm alone at all time, when I have my eyes shut, I could see them in my dreams that they're always together.......everywhere! I really can't take it anymore....insomnia, reminiscence of the past, everything..............I hate myself for real! Why am I so determine, why am I not turning bad even if I'm trying hard to do it and to prove it? I wants to be a bad guy! I wants to be an asshole and just get spoilt! Though I've been spending overly within this 6months, but it isn't the worst yet! WHY I CAN NEVER LET IT GO AND FORGET IT WHEN OTHERS CAN!! Such a loser....such a lamer! Where's my beautiful 23rd?! Why am I still desolated and isolated till today?! I hate the feeling.......

Apart from that, my hair...SIGH...I'm really a saddist! Though many said that I looked good with my head bald like this or SHORT as this, but....seriously, I'm only a 22y/o adult! I need my youth life like any others where they can have their hair style and dyed! It's really heartbreaking each time i see myself comparing with the others especially those in my surrounding, at times many been teasing me a bald headed or NO HAIR, it really irritates me so much where i can barely say a word for myself! SADDIST! People just disliking me for being who i am, and what i am in the physical! There's a cure for it or maybe there is, but.....its too expensive for it! Parents aren't really liking me to take all this! People in my surrounding DONT CARE either,.... :'( what a sad night, what a sad youth, what a sad of myself. All i have is my blog, all i have is my blog that often kept me company and expressed all my feelings out! Nobody will understand, NO BODY WILL cause NO BODY cares! I'm tired of pretending nothing in front of everybody....I'm tired, and very very tired! It's so exhausting of wanting to make one to forgive you for your stupid mistake, for one to accept you for who you are, for others to be please to you, for others to be able to accept you and for others to understand ME! Why can't SOMEONE just understand me at all!! :'( life is just so.....difficult to move on! No matter how much one have experienced or been thru...

-[aLbY]-