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At night around 8.40pm, David came over my place and asked me out for a drink. We were suppose to go to Taman Connaught's night market together with ah b0y and Edmund but couldnt make it because it was drizzling then rain heavily. So, we decided to meet up at a mamak, Ajimal Razim(my favourite hangout place) at Sri Petaling. At first, we decided that not to fetch Hugo because we were suppose to head to Cheras for the night market but then due to the rain, we turn back and fetch him for mamak. Around 9.10pm we were there till 10.40pm everyone left and i was safely sent back home by David. After bathing, i spent 25mins watching my favourite drama (The Heaven Sword & The Dragon Sabre 2000 on astro #34 at 8pm) which my brother recorded earlier on as i was away from the idiot box. Around 11.45pm, i came online (after my brother) and studied the important one for PDM tomorrow. The final paper and exam for the first semester. Whoa, it seems that the time passes really fast! 4months@first semester! The moment i came online earlier on, Abu message me on MSN asking me to login to AOCC & check out the new semester's timetable. SHIT!~ The breaks in between one subject and another is so long! Especially Wednesday & Thursday's class. Wednesday is already 3¼hrs hence Thursday's break is worse, 4¾hrs! Gosh, this must be killing man! To those who has no credit for Bahasa Melayu (BM) is all right cause they have class in between that break time but for those who has a credit (at least a 'C' in the SPM/STPM) would have to spend their time doing nothing! :S hMmm...what to do during the break hours huh? Movie? High-tea? Sleep? Loiter around? LoLz anything will do for almost 5hrs man! ehehe aight, i gotta go now, its late now, my final paper of the first semester is 6½hrs from now. Wish me all the best and pray hard for me to those who visits my blog! Adios...
p/s: My best friend sent me this, "Life is like a piano, the white keys represent happiness and the black represent sadness but as you go through life's journey remember that black keys do make music too."
-[aLbY]-
Thursday, September 29, 2005
Monday, September 26, 2005
Finally. . . . . .
Well, after a week(so called) of buffer week holiday, i'm going back to the college for the exams again. It's gonna be my 3rd paper (English) later in the morning. Throughout the whole week, i reckon i've did nothing yet im extremely bored doing nothing at most of the time while im at home. SIGH!~ Although i do travel around here and there sometimes but im still bored with life like that. I rather go to the college to meet up with my college mates, laughing together and joke around or loiter around after classes. So, eventually this whole week, i've met a few new friends and everything seems to go in a flow as usual. OH yea, i met SK (Seng Keong;my national service mate) and we went to Station One together with Ah b0y, Cherie and Edmund for a drink on Saturday night.
Sunday - Went to a mamak earlier on for dinner with my sister and 2 of her friends. We were there till 11.20pm. Nothing much i wanted to talk about but i'd realise something nowadays. Perhaps i'll talk about it later when i observe more :D
-[aLbY]-
Sunday - Went to a mamak earlier on for dinner with my sister and 2 of her friends. We were there till 11.20pm. Nothing much i wanted to talk about but i'd realise something nowadays. Perhaps i'll talk about it later when i observe more :D
-[aLbY]-
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
Sunday, September 18, 2005
T h e I N T I M A T E . . . . . . .
Nowadays, everything seems to go back to norm. Should i be happy or not? Well, of course i'm happy with it right now but as i said there's "something" which i will never put it down. The relationship between "someone" & I seems to be close back. Yea the intimate feeling is back to norm now. We're as close as before already, we chat as usual, talk as usual and everything seems to go back to original "us" but is that what i want? Is that what i want after 'that day'? hMmm...well, yea previously i was really in an extreme distraught and disappointed mood but recently, the intimate relation is back to norm and i reckon my feelings towards "someone" is still there yet more.
Does this sound good or bad to me?
Indeed, i reckon its good to me but probably bad to "someone". If this is the matter, i would feel a little disappointed again. But i'm sure if i dont confess it out again, there wouldn't be any problem. I will only wait and wait and wait till the day comes. I will never dare to confess again because i've faced many disappointment after confessing. So, i'll sit by the corner and wait for your respond. No matter how long it is, i'll still wait.
Aight, after expressing i felt better and now i should talk a little of what i've done today. SIGH!~ Its friggin' bored today and i almost slept the whole day. I woke up at 3pm from my sister's room because my air-cond has broke down. No air coming out for the air-cond although it's ON. Isn't it stupid? For GOD sake, luckily my sister wasn't at home last night. HEHE! Then, after brushing my teeth and washing my face, i'd my lunch. Kuey Teow soup! HEHE. After lunch, i started with my revision on Malaysian Studies which i'm going to sit for the last exam tomorrow morning. SIGH! BORED like SHIT! I kept on yawning while reading ONLY THE SUMMARY thou! While reading half way, i fell asleep aGAIN! LOLZ around 5.15pm, my parents came back and my mom was shocked to see me sleeping on the sofa with my book opened! HAHAHA! Then i continue studying till 6.15pm, i came online and did nothing and so you're reading what i'm doing right now =) might probably going out for dinner with my family later. So, if there's any update i'll keep it updated by tonight then....
-[aLbY]-
Does this sound good or bad to me?
Indeed, i reckon its good to me but probably bad to "someone". If this is the matter, i would feel a little disappointed again. But i'm sure if i dont confess it out again, there wouldn't be any problem. I will only wait and wait and wait till the day comes. I will never dare to confess again because i've faced many disappointment after confessing. So, i'll sit by the corner and wait for your respond. No matter how long it is, i'll still wait.
Aight, after expressing i felt better and now i should talk a little of what i've done today. SIGH!~ Its friggin' bored today and i almost slept the whole day. I woke up at 3pm from my sister's room because my air-cond has broke down. No air coming out for the air-cond although it's ON. Isn't it stupid? For GOD sake, luckily my sister wasn't at home last night. HEHE! Then, after brushing my teeth and washing my face, i'd my lunch. Kuey Teow soup! HEHE. After lunch, i started with my revision on Malaysian Studies which i'm going to sit for the last exam tomorrow morning. SIGH! BORED like SHIT! I kept on yawning while reading ONLY THE SUMMARY thou! While reading half way, i fell asleep aGAIN! LOLZ around 5.15pm, my parents came back and my mom was shocked to see me sleeping on the sofa with my book opened! HAHAHA! Then i continue studying till 6.15pm, i came online and did nothing and so you're reading what i'm doing right now =) might probably going out for dinner with my family later. So, if there's any update i'll keep it updated by tonight then....
-[aLbY]-
Joe & Yukumo's birthday party . . . . . . [16/09/05]
Aight, it's the day to have fun again but this time things dont work well. SIGH!~ I've told everyone to wear AS SMART AS POSSIBLE (shirt) so that they look more mature in physical although not mentally. And so it happened that we're suppose to celebrate the birthday boy's party at Poppy Garden @ Passion but too bad, only ME is allowed to go in without checking any of my Identification Card(IC). We reaches there at 10.45pm and the moment i got stamp on my hand and walked in, when i turned back, the bouncer of the club started checking my cousin's(Yukumo) IC followed by the rest. SIGH!~ This was bad!~ Really bad!~ Everyone is below 21 hence only i'm allowed to go in because of my smart outfit and my physical looked mature. Dennis reserved a table for us hence he reaches the place first and had fun for sometime until we reached he stopped. Then, we went to Modestos' club. It was the first opening night for the new Modestos' club. I'd forgotten the name of the club but the music played was R&B hence the bass was really loud enough but too bad the pitch isn't high enough. The music sung was too soft due to the hard bass. Around 12am, we walked over to BarFly & Atmosphere to check what's with the prices & the music goes. They doesnt really like it and so we decided to change to our final place which i called it "OUR TERRITORY" because we used to go Thai Club. But before that, on that night itself, Atmosphere had an event going on which is the THREEpointSIX Model Search event! F*CK!~ I wasn't chosen to get into the semi-finals! DARN IT!~
So, when they decided to go Thai Club, i made a call to Abby who's working in Thai Club to bring us in. She came down when we reached there, and everything seems to go smoothly but the same thing happened again, when i got in, the rest was caught to check their IC and i forgotten that Joe is still not 18y/o yet! Thai club allow 18 and above to enter hence he's still 17! SIGH!~ Now this is troubling me because they've(Joe & Yukumo ONLY) paid for the bottle of Chivas! So, i was figuring out ways to get Joe in but still failed. Then around 1++am, we all decided to drink outside the club meanwhile accompanying Joe who cannot enter. We sat there and started chit-chatting till around 2.45am and we left for mamak at Steven's Corner at OUG. Only Isaac, Joe, Kenneth, Edmund, Yukumo and I went for the mamak. zK went back early as he need to go to the workshop to get his car repair the next day and Dennis and his friend went back awhile after we sat outside the club. Then, we left around 3.45am and i reached home at 4am.
It wasn't a good day today as i wore smart casual hence the rest were like casual besides Edmund, Kenneth & zK. It has been sometime that i've never been to Poppy Garden yet now the government had implemented the rule to the age of 21y/o and above only can enter with strict bouncers at the entrance! DARN IT!~ I wished i could get in with my kakis later after my exams over.
-[aLbY]-
So, when they decided to go Thai Club, i made a call to Abby who's working in Thai Club to bring us in. She came down when we reached there, and everything seems to go smoothly but the same thing happened again, when i got in, the rest was caught to check their IC and i forgotten that Joe is still not 18y/o yet! Thai club allow 18 and above to enter hence he's still 17! SIGH!~ Now this is troubling me because they've(Joe & Yukumo ONLY) paid for the bottle of Chivas! So, i was figuring out ways to get Joe in but still failed. Then around 1++am, we all decided to drink outside the club meanwhile accompanying Joe who cannot enter. We sat there and started chit-chatting till around 2.45am and we left for mamak at Steven's Corner at OUG. Only Isaac, Joe, Kenneth, Edmund, Yukumo and I went for the mamak. zK went back early as he need to go to the workshop to get his car repair the next day and Dennis and his friend went back awhile after we sat outside the club. Then, we left around 3.45am and i reached home at 4am.
It wasn't a good day today as i wore smart casual hence the rest were like casual besides Edmund, Kenneth & zK. It has been sometime that i've never been to Poppy Garden yet now the government had implemented the rule to the age of 21y/o and above only can enter with strict bouncers at the entrance! DARN IT!~ I wished i could get in with my kakis later after my exams over.
-[aLbY]-
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
Ignorant?
Well, previously i thought i'm being ignored by the others. Hence i was fedup and had some misunderstanding but now it's different. Somehow, i tried to speak up first then "someone" as i dont feel good ignoring people. So, now i tried putting myself in a situation where i'm being embarrass on my own and speak to "someone" first. Yea, we really speak LESSER compare to before. I felt sorry if i really ignore you but i dont want it to be too. Perhaps if you want the current relationship to continue, you'll do nothing with it. Even during online, we seldom chat or whenever we chat is only a few sentence and "bye" or tried to "ignore" each other then. Besides, i can feel the "coolness" while we were chatting. I can feel your feeling of dont want to chat with me. I dont know whether is it true or not but i can feel it.
People am i cool while chatting or what? I know i communicated with the rest in a formal way where i barely use the short forms and the malaysia slang(like "ma", "lah etc) but something haunted me before this and i turned to become a new Alby which i dont want it to be too. I apologize to all of you all if i'm really cool while communicating. I dont know is it because i'm cool while chatting with "someone" that's why i'm being treated the same thing but worse than me being a cool and coomunicate in a formal conversation.
-[aLbY]-
People am i cool while chatting or what? I know i communicated with the rest in a formal way where i barely use the short forms and the malaysia slang(like "ma", "lah etc) but something haunted me before this and i turned to become a new Alby which i dont want it to be too. I apologize to all of you all if i'm really cool while communicating. I dont know is it because i'm cool while chatting with "someone" that's why i'm being treated the same thing but worse than me being a cool and coomunicate in a formal conversation.
-[aLbY]-
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
Uh-huh . . . .
This is suppose to be updated on Sunday itself but i've no time for it even its a Sunday! Sigh!~ Well, i slept around 5.30am and woke up at 3.45pm. Actually i went out for a drink(i suppose) with Kenneth, Yukumo, Edmund, Nicole & her boyfriend at Steven's Corner. The group suppose to be a bigger one as i thought of going to Station One for a drink and chit-chatting with friends but it ended up with mamak AGAIN!~ So, many that i called or others called, failed to persuade out because some either said that they are some where far, parents dont allow to go, lazy or "i just came back from somewhere else." Sigh!~ Wait, of all we called, they didnt appear but why the 6 of us could sit down and talk througout the whole night till the next morning? LoLz, well that night was really an interesting chat.
Aight, its back to the Sunday's story. It somehow related to a tragedy which i dreamt of i suppose. It was really awful. I've no idea why do i dreamt of such a dream! It wouldnt be me but its me! So, the story begins...
[I was at home with my sister waiting for both my parents & brother back from somewhere else(well you should know a dream is pretty difficult to recall). So i was awake that time, still on the bed and my sister was at the living room watching her favourite idiot box programme as usual. Suddenly, the telephone rang and my sister answered the call. It was from the police station indeed. The officer told my sister to go to the hospital immediately because they thought that the tragedy happened on some road are my family members. So, my sister was shock and pulled me outta the room. I was shocked listening to what she was trying to tell me what was it. Without her finishing her sentence, i've got what she was trying to tell me. I was really shock and there was a pause. I was wondering why is the pause for in the dream? Thus, i was actually talking to myself about something but i dont really remember all of it but part of it. I remember i said, "Both my parents and brother are all gone, left me & my sister lonely here. Other than that, i just got rejected and i'm totally blank in my mind." I was really sad for my parents and brother's death hence i'm even more sad with what happened previously.(a week ago i suppose, in real life as the dream has some relation with what happened in true life. NOT THE TRAGEDY but the being REJECTED!)Then, the next day i went back to the college with a horrfying look. Everyone seems to be happy before i stepped into the class but the moment i stepped into the class. I could feel the solemnness in me from my friends. They eventually came to me and asked what happened but i refuse to tell as i dont know how and what to tell? Then, during the break tiem after the class. "Someone" eventually came to me and asked, "what happened?" Then, we sat at the bench i told "someone" the truth about it. I was saying it for real that i'm really darn sad with what happened to my family members hence i'm still talking to you? To the person who eventually rejected me without saying it in a literal way but in a figurative way. Well everyone could have feel for it if a person rejected you indeed in a figurative way. After that, i was awake from the dream and was really thought IT WAS TRUE because NO ONE was at home that time. My sister went out, both my parents went out to look for food for us and my brother was at the tuition centre. I was shock and afraid after that but then in less than 15minutes after getting up from the sleep, my brother came back and FINALLY I GOT THINGS CLEARED that it's ALL A DREAM! Eventually, the ending was kind of awful and sweet too. 'Awful' is because of the tragedy and 'sweet' is because the ending, the "someone" accepted me and everything goes naturally then after..]
Well, this is what happened on my Sunday. Isn't it weird and stupid? Sigh....
Now proceeding to Monday! Yea, its the first day of the week for college again. I'm always happy to go back to college but ever since last week, i've been kind of AFRAID of stepping into the class. Nahh i'm not gonna talk much about it here AGAIN but just to confess a little of my bad habit here. I've been "IGNORING" "someone", well i should call it "so called" as i dont mean to, it's just i dont know how to face the "someone" for now after the incident happened last week. I've been trying VERY VERY HARD to confront this problem but...sigh. My "braveness" couldnt cover me thou. I cant still accept what happened! SIGH :( Anyway, we did talk and laugh today. That makes me quite, happy about it? :D Maybe ehehehe, i wish it could be continue to be like this in the future too. I dont wanna ignore the "someone" anymore as i'm hurting myself more and more, deeper and deeper day by day. So, i was actually a little tensed up because of the last assignments(Mathematics) and the test which we'll be sitting in the noon. Before the exam starts, "we" (the 8-10 of us from the clasS) actually skipped the ICA class for group discussion. Yea i reckon i can name is as 'group discussion' as there're some serious discussion although 90% of the discussion are craps and jokes all round. And, it was the time for the test, everyone was afraid of what would Ms. Jasrinder(our Mathematic lecturer) would set the question? Is it easy, moderate or difficult? Hence, "we" planned to sit together as near as possible at the hall. Some said the first row will be left empty but some said the second row will be left empty. Some look as if they are arguing for which is right or wrong. Then, i finalize it with, "nevermind, everywhere will be EMPTY then..." Ms. Jasrinder came in and told us to go to the class at level 1-2. HAHAHA!!! Yea what i said is right! The hall will be EMPTY after all. We're going to sit for the test in the class(a small one). Everyone seems trying to get along with their "clicks" so that they could help each other out INCLUDED ME!~ DUH!~ LMAO! Then, everything ended, on my right is Jeff and left is zK, front is Wee Haw. The test was all right, it seems to go in a flow i reckon. I've done the best, hoping for the best now =) Heard that the result will be out on Wednesday? Edmund told me about it. hMmm.....after the test, "we" went to the 4th floor to hand-up our assignment. Last assignment during our first semester in foundation =) Time seems passes very fast, the following week till the end of the month i'll be sitting for Malaysian Studies(MS), ICA, English & Personal Development & Study Method(PDM) test. WOW!~ It looks like a WHORE for "US" now! Heard some of them said that, after next Monday(after the MS test), Tuesday onwards we'll be given leave till the following week(when the other papers will be going on). I silently release a "sigh" and told Ellie that actually i dont hope for any leave as if i have one, i cant meet up my friends anymore hence i'll be bored sitting at home either facing the idiot box in the living room or the monitor in my room. Nothing better to do besides those and going for work out thou. SIGH!~ :( Eventually, i cant even meet the "someone". hMmm....aight, i'll stop by here then. Hope that everything goes in a flow too for the next few test/exam papers.
Quote of the day: "Ha det god och alt god till envar...."
Feeling or Emotion: "Missande du och jag vill aldrig ge upp..."
-[aLbY]-
Aight, its back to the Sunday's story. It somehow related to a tragedy which i dreamt of i suppose. It was really awful. I've no idea why do i dreamt of such a dream! It wouldnt be me but its me! So, the story begins...
[I was at home with my sister waiting for both my parents & brother back from somewhere else(well you should know a dream is pretty difficult to recall). So i was awake that time, still on the bed and my sister was at the living room watching her favourite idiot box programme as usual. Suddenly, the telephone rang and my sister answered the call. It was from the police station indeed. The officer told my sister to go to the hospital immediately because they thought that the tragedy happened on some road are my family members. So, my sister was shock and pulled me outta the room. I was shocked listening to what she was trying to tell me what was it. Without her finishing her sentence, i've got what she was trying to tell me. I was really shock and there was a pause. I was wondering why is the pause for in the dream? Thus, i was actually talking to myself about something but i dont really remember all of it but part of it. I remember i said, "Both my parents and brother are all gone, left me & my sister lonely here. Other than that, i just got rejected and i'm totally blank in my mind." I was really sad for my parents and brother's death hence i'm even more sad with what happened previously.(a week ago i suppose, in real life as the dream has some relation with what happened in true life. NOT THE TRAGEDY but the being REJECTED!)Then, the next day i went back to the college with a horrfying look. Everyone seems to be happy before i stepped into the class but the moment i stepped into the class. I could feel the solemnness in me from my friends. They eventually came to me and asked what happened but i refuse to tell as i dont know how and what to tell? Then, during the break tiem after the class. "Someone" eventually came to me and asked, "what happened?" Then, we sat at the bench i told "someone" the truth about it. I was saying it for real that i'm really darn sad with what happened to my family members hence i'm still talking to you? To the person who eventually rejected me without saying it in a literal way but in a figurative way. Well everyone could have feel for it if a person rejected you indeed in a figurative way. After that, i was awake from the dream and was really thought IT WAS TRUE because NO ONE was at home that time. My sister went out, both my parents went out to look for food for us and my brother was at the tuition centre. I was shock and afraid after that but then in less than 15minutes after getting up from the sleep, my brother came back and FINALLY I GOT THINGS CLEARED that it's ALL A DREAM! Eventually, the ending was kind of awful and sweet too. 'Awful' is because of the tragedy and 'sweet' is because the ending, the "someone" accepted me and everything goes naturally then after..]
Well, this is what happened on my Sunday. Isn't it weird and stupid? Sigh....
Now proceeding to Monday! Yea, its the first day of the week for college again. I'm always happy to go back to college but ever since last week, i've been kind of AFRAID of stepping into the class. Nahh i'm not gonna talk much about it here AGAIN but just to confess a little of my bad habit here. I've been "IGNORING" "someone", well i should call it "so called" as i dont mean to, it's just i dont know how to face the "someone" for now after the incident happened last week. I've been trying VERY VERY HARD to confront this problem but...sigh. My "braveness" couldnt cover me thou. I cant still accept what happened! SIGH :( Anyway, we did talk and laugh today. That makes me quite, happy about it? :D Maybe ehehehe, i wish it could be continue to be like this in the future too. I dont wanna ignore the "someone" anymore as i'm hurting myself more and more, deeper and deeper day by day. So, i was actually a little tensed up because of the last assignments(Mathematics) and the test which we'll be sitting in the noon. Before the exam starts, "we" (the 8-10 of us from the clasS) actually skipped the ICA class for group discussion. Yea i reckon i can name is as 'group discussion' as there're some serious discussion although 90% of the discussion are craps and jokes all round. And, it was the time for the test, everyone was afraid of what would Ms. Jasrinder(our Mathematic lecturer) would set the question? Is it easy, moderate or difficult? Hence, "we" planned to sit together as near as possible at the hall. Some said the first row will be left empty but some said the second row will be left empty. Some look as if they are arguing for which is right or wrong. Then, i finalize it with, "nevermind, everywhere will be EMPTY then..." Ms. Jasrinder came in and told us to go to the class at level 1-2. HAHAHA!!! Yea what i said is right! The hall will be EMPTY after all. We're going to sit for the test in the class(a small one). Everyone seems trying to get along with their "clicks" so that they could help each other out INCLUDED ME!~ DUH!~ LMAO! Then, everything ended, on my right is Jeff and left is zK, front is Wee Haw. The test was all right, it seems to go in a flow i reckon. I've done the best, hoping for the best now =) Heard that the result will be out on Wednesday? Edmund told me about it. hMmm.....after the test, "we" went to the 4th floor to hand-up our assignment. Last assignment during our first semester in foundation =) Time seems passes very fast, the following week till the end of the month i'll be sitting for Malaysian Studies(MS), ICA, English & Personal Development & Study Method(PDM) test. WOW!~ It looks like a WHORE for "US" now! Heard some of them said that, after next Monday(after the MS test), Tuesday onwards we'll be given leave till the following week(when the other papers will be going on). I silently release a "sigh" and told Ellie that actually i dont hope for any leave as if i have one, i cant meet up my friends anymore hence i'll be bored sitting at home either facing the idiot box in the living room or the monitor in my room. Nothing better to do besides those and going for work out thou. SIGH!~ :( Eventually, i cant even meet the "someone". hMmm....aight, i'll stop by here then. Hope that everything goes in a flow too for the next few test/exam papers.
Quote of the day: "Ha det god och alt god till envar...."
Feeling or Emotion: "Missande du och jag vill aldrig ge upp..."
-[aLbY]-
Friday, September 09, 2005
Another day . . . . . .
Well, everything seems to go fine today..."someone" is sitting by my side and started talking to each other too, but nevertheless no matter how close we are now, there must be a gab in between i reckon. Anyway, its all right. I'll try my best to be the best so that everything will goes back fine and normal. After all i dont hope situation like this would be continue till the end of the whole course as we will most probably study together in the same class except to those who's going to study Biz IT after foundation i gotta say "bye-bye".
During Nicholas class, we'd a group work 'competition'. We were competing which group has the most stable, tallest and creative tower. Unlucky enough that my group has a good planning but there's a little conflict in between one and another as there're 2 ideas regarding to the construction of the tower made. Till the end, everything was screwed-up because of this small matter.(our tower aint standing still!) haha. Well, before the class ended, Mr. Nicholas actually got pissed off and scolded all of us(especially me because i was playing but not over the limit i reckon). I stopped the moment when i asked him, 'do you want it?' and he nodded his head and reply, 'no' and spilled everything out from his mouth. I apologize what i did today as he might got irritated but i dont mean it anyhow. After the class when everyone was out of the class, he called me back in to pass me the souvenir he bought for me from Ho Chi Minh, Vietnam during his work trip. It's a postcard that i ask from but slightly different because Mr. Nicholas eventually bought me the Vietnam's culture's postcard. Here are the postcards.
-[aLbY]-
During Nicholas class, we'd a group work 'competition'. We were competing which group has the most stable, tallest and creative tower. Unlucky enough that my group has a good planning but there's a little conflict in between one and another as there're 2 ideas regarding to the construction of the tower made. Till the end, everything was screwed-up because of this small matter.(our tower aint standing still!) haha. Well, before the class ended, Mr. Nicholas actually got pissed off and scolded all of us(especially me because i was playing but not over the limit i reckon). I stopped the moment when i asked him, 'do you want it?' and he nodded his head and reply, 'no' and spilled everything out from his mouth. I apologize what i did today as he might got irritated but i dont mean it anyhow. After the class when everyone was out of the class, he called me back in to pass me the souvenir he bought for me from Ho Chi Minh, Vietnam during his work trip. It's a postcard that i ask from but slightly different because Mr. Nicholas eventually bought me the Vietnam's culture's postcard. Here are the postcards.
-[aLbY]-
Thursday, September 08, 2005
Well . . . Well . . . Well . . . Finally there's a result . . . .
Well, today i was almost late for class again as usual but i never mean to do it as i was doing something with my computer (i wondered what i did till i'm almost late for class). So, i drove off in a dash and hope to reach to the college quickly without any jam. Thank God luckily there's no accident along the journey to the college today but i do saw something disgusting and pity about it, there was a dog which died by the road side. Eventually while passing the dog's corpse, there are a few cars or trucks which go over it. It was really an awful thing to be seen! Then, while i'm outside TPM (at the traffic light), i SMS "someone" and told the "someone" that i need to talk the "someone" later as i could see things not going well since yesterday. We didnt talk for the whole day and everyone has been ignoring me thou.
My first class was PDM (Personal Development & Study Method) today and i was just on time, i reached at 10.30am (which suppose to start at 10.25am). Nicholas (my lecturer) havent started anything yet. So, today's lesson was about the TEAM WORK/GROUP WORK. He spoke alot and explain as detail as possible as usual and somehow what he said has some relation to what i'm facing currently. I was thinking, and thinking and thinking that should i walk off the class for a little while to calm myself down? Luckily, i made a rasional decision, i stayed in the class and listen to all what Nicholas said. Besides, Vicky came and sit with as an accompanying me. He knows what happened and so he sat beside me to keep my accompanying. Thanks for that Vicky.
Then, i was thinking will that "someone" come and talk to me today? I've been thinking will the "someone" talk to me or gonna just leave it like what happened before this? Ignoring it? Others should be more understanding on my condition because i'm being rejected, how do you people out there expect me to break the ice first? I've already being rejected, i'm now extremely terribly shy towards the "someone" and others! Hence, the "someone" wouldnt dare to speak to me as what my friends said that the "someone" was shy about it too. Aight, that's all right as both are gonna face each other everyday. I dont hope that we would be ignoring or not talking to each other anymore as i really treasure the hardship of our current friendship or i would personally name it our "relationship". I work so hard everyday is just to hope for the best to have the best relation with the "someone" in order to form a better relation. After all, in an hour time (2days back), everything has just changed and we were as if ENEMY or as if we dont know each other anymore. I was terribly sad and emotionally abused. I dont want this to be continue and so today is the day where everything has been solved. That "someone" actually came to me and spoke to me, but i dont know how should i face that "someone" (hence i was the one who asked the "someone" to talk to me about it). I was really really shy to speak to the "someone" when the "someone" came to me and nodded the "someone"'s head asking 'what?' Then, we walk off from the place and started talking like normal conversation. Yea, i'm happy with that but...well, i still i like the "someone" and the "someone" is acting as if nothing happened. Should i act as if nothing happen or not? Thank God, we're still talking to each other like before. But seriously, if i could achieve what i want for now, only this, i would have change myself to another and accept the all the love & caring from the "someone". I would do anything for it, if a relationship is worth to be sacrifice (which i think its worth now).
Too bad, i'm aint the lucky one, the "someone" is currently going after another whom the "someone" like. I cannot become the destroyer or the influence in this matter. I will NEVER force the person to be with me, to stay with me or to love me either but what i'm hoping for is the natural feeling. That's what i want and hoping for. Go ahead and continue going after the person you're going after and i'll sit by the corner and wait for the time to come (although if it dont come, i'll still wait).
p/s: Tid är orden. Jag vill vänta för tiden till komme.
-[aLbY]-
My first class was PDM (Personal Development & Study Method) today and i was just on time, i reached at 10.30am (which suppose to start at 10.25am). Nicholas (my lecturer) havent started anything yet. So, today's lesson was about the TEAM WORK/GROUP WORK. He spoke alot and explain as detail as possible as usual and somehow what he said has some relation to what i'm facing currently. I was thinking, and thinking and thinking that should i walk off the class for a little while to calm myself down? Luckily, i made a rasional decision, i stayed in the class and listen to all what Nicholas said. Besides, Vicky came and sit with as an accompanying me. He knows what happened and so he sat beside me to keep my accompanying. Thanks for that Vicky.
Then, i was thinking will that "someone" come and talk to me today? I've been thinking will the "someone" talk to me or gonna just leave it like what happened before this? Ignoring it? Others should be more understanding on my condition because i'm being rejected, how do you people out there expect me to break the ice first? I've already being rejected, i'm now extremely terribly shy towards the "someone" and others! Hence, the "someone" wouldnt dare to speak to me as what my friends said that the "someone" was shy about it too. Aight, that's all right as both are gonna face each other everyday. I dont hope that we would be ignoring or not talking to each other anymore as i really treasure the hardship of our current friendship or i would personally name it our "relationship". I work so hard everyday is just to hope for the best to have the best relation with the "someone" in order to form a better relation. After all, in an hour time (2days back), everything has just changed and we were as if ENEMY or as if we dont know each other anymore. I was terribly sad and emotionally abused. I dont want this to be continue and so today is the day where everything has been solved. That "someone" actually came to me and spoke to me, but i dont know how should i face that "someone" (hence i was the one who asked the "someone" to talk to me about it). I was really really shy to speak to the "someone" when the "someone" came to me and nodded the "someone"'s head asking 'what?' Then, we walk off from the place and started talking like normal conversation. Yea, i'm happy with that but...well, i still i like the "someone" and the "someone" is acting as if nothing happened. Should i act as if nothing happen or not? Thank God, we're still talking to each other like before. But seriously, if i could achieve what i want for now, only this, i would have change myself to another and accept the all the love & caring from the "someone". I would do anything for it, if a relationship is worth to be sacrifice (which i think its worth now).
Too bad, i'm aint the lucky one, the "someone" is currently going after another whom the "someone" like. I cannot become the destroyer or the influence in this matter. I will NEVER force the person to be with me, to stay with me or to love me either but what i'm hoping for is the natural feeling. That's what i want and hoping for. Go ahead and continue going after the person you're going after and i'll sit by the corner and wait for the time to come (although if it dont come, i'll still wait).
p/s: Tid är orden. Jag vill vänta för tiden till komme.
-[aLbY]-
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
The Revealing . . . . . .
Finally, i've got something clear in between me and the person that i've feelings for all this while. Besides, it's the revealing day too. I dont care how others think about me and what do they think about me anymore, i'd enough of this feeling! The suffocating feeling which has been bothering me from the moment i came back from the national service. I'm going to reveal that i'm a bisexual indeed and i do like guys and also gals. Is there any problem with it? Whoever read this, is there any problem of being a bisexual? Other than that, is there a problem confessing to another which i've feelings for? Is there a problem? Why is it everyone treating me like a peace of shit hell out today? Why the FUCK am i being treated like this? I confessed my feelings towards the person i like hence i got rejected, that has already given me more than enough problem yet when i'm with everyone, why do they treated me as if i'm the one who made the relationship between me and the one i like an enemy? Why am i being ignored the whole day by everyone? Yes, i might look different today because I AM BEING REJECTED! Please, be compromise and understand my situation! I'm being rejected, of course i'm freaking sad about it!~ What do you people EXPECT ME TO DO? Act as if nothing happen and walk to the group and talk as usual? C'mon, i'm here to be MYSELF! MYSELF of being an honest person! I dont wanna act as if i'm happy and as if NOTHING HAPPENED! Dont tell me that you people wants to see me acting in a sarcasm way? "YEA wASSUP?" NO! NO! NO! I'm trying to be neutral here and express what i'm feeling! Yes, i'm not happy being rejected, but what can i do? Even the person who rejected me DONT EVEN BOTHER TO TALK TO ME!? How do you all want me to do? I've been very kind and honest enough with all of my friends, i sacrifices my time, money and also lots of things with all of y'll YET i'm being treated like shit? WHAT THE FUCK is going on with the world right now? Being a bisexual now is as if i've did any crime now! Even confessing to the one i have feelings for, the one i like or the one i love also a problem! Why? Haven't i been too good to you all yet or is it not enough to fool me like a mud? "Sharing is caring" This quote i've been hearing and using it ever since i got into the college hence i felt that its no true! Whenever my friends are in trouble, i would have go to that person and ask for condition but its not happening to me in the other way round now! Everyone seems to run away from me and DO NOT WANT TO GET ALONG WITH ME NOR TALK TO ME when i've problems. I really dont understand this. Why is it a person who rejected another could look at the person whom "it" rejected being ignore by everyone and dont even bother to ask whether is that person ALL RIGHT OR NOT? Is it really THAT DIFFICULT to break the ice with the person he/she rejected? I'll answer this for everyone who rejected another, "NO! It's not difficult at all because the person who rejected another isn't being hurt and could act as if nothing happened but NOT TO THE PERSON WHO BEING REJECTED!" I understand this, I understand the urge of wanted to hear another saying that "yea i like you, so what?" Who dont wanna listen to it? I'm sighing right now because things seems dont work well to me! I know even if the person who rejects another knows that eventually he/she has no feeling for another hence wants to listen to another saying that "yes i like you" but why must that person hurt another by not even bother to say "hi", "how are you doing?" or "is everything going fine there?" WHY NOT? Am i really that IRRITATING TO BE FACED or is it really nice looking at the person who got rejected suffocating from being IGNORE and NOT BOTHER BY ANYONE? YES, BINGO if you people think that way works! It really works! I appreciated what have you all did and i'm really thankful for you guys bought for me for my birthday gift. I always never had a chance to say thank you to all who had share the money to get me a thumbdrive and i'm doing it right here, right now! Thanks a million! I've been wondering too, am i a friend of anyone of you all who read this? Seriously, let me know, i can feel that at most time i'm not being treated as a friend more than only just a classmate indeed. "Hello" & "Bye"/not even a bye" when the class ended. Normally, as a friend of anyone or maybe if were to say as a respect to another, saying "bye" before a person leave is a manner but why my close friends arent doing it? arent saying even a "bye" or a "hello" sometimes? I'm wondering, is it really THAT DIFFICULT TO OPEN THE MOUTH TO SAY "hello" or "bye"? Think about it people, do anyone of you who read this ever think that i'm a friend/enemy of yours? Am i really that irritating, annoyed or being disgust looking here? If i am, tell me about it, i'll do something about it, i'll just do things that you people will never see it anymore! Let me know, please!~ Does anyone who read my blog all this while, respected me for who am i? Have anyone? I'm really really feeling as if its the end of the world now, why am i being treated as if i'm invincible throughout the whole day? Or am i not suppose to be in "community"? Tell me about it if i am really that stupid or a jerk to anyone of you all. I dont wanna see anyone of you all treating me as if "entertaining" or "layan". I want sincere treating, I dont mind to list out whoever this message is suppose to but what for? Would it change the fact if their name is listed? Have anyone thought of breaking the relationship with me now? Tell me about it if i'm being irritated or being a fool all this while. I know that i'm being stupid, being a fool and useless here. Please, let me know the truth! The truth that i've always wanted to listen to not only in the COMMENT BOX here but words by mouth. NEVER EVER ANYONE OF MY FRIENDS IN MY ENTIRE LIFE TELLS ME THE TRUTH THAT WHAT ARE WE(relationship)! ONLY ME TELLING THEM HOW MUCH I APPRECIATED THEM but till the end, i'm being ignored or being treated like a pillow, to back you people up sometimes. No one bother to talk to me, no one bother to know me more as a friend, no one is even bother to be honest to me at times! I know who am i referring it to but i dont wanna say it out because i know something not right has been going on but i just leave it and keep quiet. I'm here to justify how am i feeling right now! I have never ever tear for no reason but this time its different, i confessed by feelings, then i was rejected(1). Ok, i'm cool at it! Then, the following day, i'm being ignore by everyone(2)! After that, NONE OF THEM BOTHER TO ASK HOW AM I DOING AFTER THAT(3). What is this? Is this somehow a game? "hello" and "bye" story? Three months!~ Three months!~ It's the third month i've been studying in the college hence NONE of them bother to care for each other!~ I really dont understand why are my friends treating each other especially to me like this. The worse is i rather sacrifice myself not to stay in the group or on Earth. I dont want to be hated by anyone else. That's my worse choice of all, i've done it before but there's always some hindrance. That's what i can confess in here...
-[aLbY]-
-[aLbY]-
Monday, September 05, 2005
I Love You . . . . . . . .
Well, this is what i always wanted it to happen between me and the one i like/love. Even it don't happen in the past but i'm hoping that it could happen in the coming future or now? I'm ready to say it to the one that i like now but...should i or shouldn't i? What should i say? When should i say? How should i confess..?? Sigh...please can anyone help me out??
And the flow goes...
A: I`m alwayz here for you.
B: I know.
A: Whatz wrong?
B: I like him/her *s0o* much..
A: Talk to him/her.
B: I don`t know.. he'll/she`ll never like me.
A: Don`t say that. You`re amazing.
B: I just wanna tell him/her how I feel ..
A: Then tell him/her.
B: He/She won`t like me.
A: How do you know that?
B: I can just tell.
A: Well, just tell him/her.
B: What should I say?
A: Tell him/her how much you like him/her.
B: I tell him/her that daily.
A: What you mean?
B: I'm alwayz with him/her. I love him/her.
A: I know how you feel. I have the same problem. But he`ll/she'll never like me.
B: Wait. Who do you like?
A: Ooh, some boy/girl..
B: Ooh, he/she won`t like me either.
A: He/She does.
B: How do you know.. ?
A: Because who wouldn`t like you?
B: You..
A: You`re wrong. I love you.
B: I love you too.
A: .. so are you going to talk to him/her?
B: I just did.
What do you think..?? Would this work? Or what if i confess now, will the consequences be worse than this?? Please, i need help!~ Can anyone help me out? I'm DOOMED!~ Sigh... :'( What a day...
-[aLbY]-
And the flow goes...
A: I`m alwayz here for you.
B: I know.
A: Whatz wrong?
B: I like him/her *s0o* much..
A: Talk to him/her.
B: I don`t know.. he'll/she`ll never like me.
A: Don`t say that. You`re amazing.
B: I just wanna tell him/her how I feel ..
A: Then tell him/her.
B: He/She won`t like me.
A: How do you know that?
B: I can just tell.
A: Well, just tell him/her.
B: What should I say?
A: Tell him/her how much you like him/her.
B: I tell him/her that daily.
A: What you mean?
B: I'm alwayz with him/her. I love him/her.
A: I know how you feel. I have the same problem. But he`ll/she'll never like me.
B: Wait. Who do you like?
A: Ooh, some boy/girl..
B: Ooh, he/she won`t like me either.
A: He/She does.
B: How do you know.. ?
A: Because who wouldn`t like you?
B: You..
A: You`re wrong. I love you.
B: I love you too.
A: .. so are you going to talk to him/her?
B: I just did.
What do you think..?? Would this work? Or what if i confess now, will the consequences be worse than this?? Please, i need help!~ Can anyone help me out? I'm DOOMED!~ Sigh... :'( What a day...
-[aLbY]-
The 8 Semi-Finalist (2nd round) for Bangsar's Charm & Chic Contest at BarFlam . . . . [31/08/05]
The 8 Semi-Finalist (2nd round) for Bangsar's Charm & Chic Contest...
KBR Studio
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