i nEeD yOu bAby....!!!~~

Insomnia...insomnia...insomnia!!~ It has been more than a month i couldn't sleep well, couldnt eat well, couldn't concentrate on anything at all! What i could do jz jz thinking and worrying over it! I often emotionally unstable and i've finally fall sick now. And no one even notice that i'm sick as i pretended nothing in front of everyone! No one would ever know that im suffocating and depressing on my own! I guess even the person who should feel it doesn't know that i'm in terrible depression too. I'm lost...i'm very lost! I dunno what to do now, last sunday i thought everything went back fine and i thought i could cope things back but from the conversation on monday, it wasn't that fine followed by tuesday, our conversation had updated something! I jz realized i was the only who actually thought we "got back" in fact we didn't, i was the one who misunderstood the whole incident, in the end, i cried in front of the monitor without anyone noticing me crying too! It was so pain, the pain i couldn't describe how it feels but the pain was as if i'm really being stabbed by a sharp object into my heart! I can't stop tearsing on my own....no one knows about it again. I can't...and i can't let go my hands off you at all!

It was stated clearly all this while "i can't let go my hands off u.." and i really can't and won't too. Why? I realise i love you too deeply! Even no matter what had happened in the past or present, you're always the one that i love most! No one would ever know how much is my love to you. I know i have hurt you and left scars in your heart, but i'm sure time could heal the pain and the scars, the scars won't be seen so obvious too especially when "love" is filled back with "no more hurt". You told me you misses those time too, and it takes time to get it back! Then you also told me we could get things back but not so soon...i really do not mind to wait, as i wouldn't wanna have anymore! I'd enough, and u're the only one i wanted! The one and only that i love so much and the one and only who is willingly to love and cared for me so much! And that person is you! Now i'm losing you...and you hated me so much! I don't know how to hold you back...but all i've been doing is jz to get you back even no matter what it is! I love you!! I really love you with all my heart! I don't mean to hurt you in the past, but i really never hurt you with love before! I wanna get things back by filling u back with all the love i could give to you because i don't want you to leave me! I don't want to lose you! I don't want to lose someone who's really precious to me. I wanted you back, i really wanted you back eagerly! Please don't leave me...i'd learnt my lesson and i'll improve to be a better person. I really couldn't let u go at all! I love you too deeply...

It tears not only physically, i could even feel it in my heart tearsing! The pain can't be described at all! I only hope you could let me see you..i really miss you very much! I can't stand soon...i'm really feeling like collapsing soon. I need you so much, i'm willing to change, i'm willing to improve to be a better person, i wouldn't want any others too but only you. tHe only chance that i've been asking all this while, i would change everything back with no repeating of historY! Speaking out seems easy, but allowing me to proof to you is what i wanted now. I really need you very much baby...don't go anymore further, i'm really lost and collapsing...

You said to give us time to get things back, please give us time to get back. Don't run any further, can we try to get it back at the right track!? I'm willing to make the 99steps out of 100 for you! Please don't leave me, i need you very much! I miss the moments very much really, i will get it back! I will get it back as soon as you give me this chance! I miss the moments of holding your hands, i miss hugging you in my arms, i miss your smile...and i really really miss you very much! I wanted us to get back together. Don't avoid from seeing me please, it's very suffocating! You said to me you wanted to asked me out before last weekend, it's really a beginning for us to get back! Don't feel guilty, never feel guilty too, it wasn't your fault, it was mine, i know it now, i will change and i need you so much that's why you shouldn't be avoiding from me. In fact, i've always be the one who has been trying to avoid from meeting you although i wanted to because i afraid you may turned around and walked off in another direction. I'm really afraid...you're the one and only who loves and cares for me, i need you back baby, and i'll do more than before filling you with more than jz love and care but more love and more care! I'm really sick God....please help me! Please tie up the knot and let us continue with laughter and more greater happiness! I promised to my words, i'll make it a reality! I only wanted you back afterall...i love you baby....

p/s: "Tears every night made me suffer for depression, tears ever night made me miss and love you even more...baby, please give me another chance!"

-[aLbY]-