Sorrow life..

I really thought I'm the heartless ghost, don't know how to understand others, or even remembering things (important event)... I really can't take it anymore, there's no wrong missing one who don't miss you, but missing one so badly till it kept me awake and didn't want to get home every night yet stayed up till sunrise, I'm collapsing! I can't afford to play the "game" anymore, I admitted to be a loser, I'm unable to play such "heavy heart" game anymore! I always thought there's a point of why I'm still so much in love with one person, one that changes my life, that beautify my love, one whom I always think of, missing, and love so much although there's no respond and even watching them with their other half (new)! I've been feeling such restless, helpless, HOPELESS and USELESS all this 7months (coming soon)! I really thought that "true love" does exist and everything is true...I really still pursuing myself that it's true that you DO MISS ME, DO THINK OF ME, DO LOVE ME, but tonight, I realized its all pointless (maybe I'm deserved to be treated this way). My heart is broken, my heart aches so terribly, I've thought of many events inviting "someone" to join/go together, but I have to deserve to be like this, I know I'm often 'nobody' or 'no one' to anybody! :'( I've said to post up something really soon before, but I don't think it mean anything anymore now...

I wanted to leave this place very soon, the soonest I could... because I've been fooling myself all this while, and also realized there's no point of living with all my sorrowful alone that I've always been true to everyone! I know I don't deserve anything, everybody gets bored with me, gets suckup/fuckup with/while being with me, and no life being in my surrounding. No one ever feels me! No one ever understands me! No one ever loves me! No one ever care or know-the-real-me! :'(

FYP due coming soon, 4 more assignments to go, 4 more exams to go, I've a bad feeling something bad is gonna happen to me, I couldn't share it because I'm not suppose to although I used to share everything to someone, but now, no one at all! I'm seriously very weak, very very weak! I've never fallen down till like this before like last thursday! I wasn't drunk at all, but I just collapse like that! :'( I never expected anything much from anybody before, but just something long lasting! Some concern, some love only...why is it has to make "suffocation" exist and "breakdown" happened! :'( I'm in severe suffocation from living everyday like this, and sleepless night!~ Do you know that I really love you????

-[aLbY]-

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