Flashback of 2009 . . .

It's left only less than 20hrs before 2010! I've read post of friends on facebook, tweeters, their mood, emotion, responds as well as their eyes, mostly mentioning of their past (bad/unhappy moment) which making them unhappy and tearsing. It touches my heart, myself who had also been to the stage they experienced! I'm depress too seeing my 2009 a bad year, an unhappy and spoilt year for myself! Although I'm moving on these days (as I don't have any choice) but I still misses something which don't belong to me anymore! Often I reminded myself that I don't deserve you in my life that makes you such heartache and in suffocation but it never stopped me from loving you cause no matter in what situation, you're the one I loved most yet had decided to be with together and not having my heart changed! I couldn't lied to myself that you're not belonging to me anymore because you still often happen to appear in my vision everyday! I know its stupid, its also dumb cause you've found a better companion today, but I'm still so much in love with you right up till I'm still writing this up for you at this hour on the last day of the year of pain, of 2009! I couldn't do anything as you seems to be extinct in my life, my vision and also my update or source! ='( I here wishing you a very Happy Belated Birthday & the greatest year ahead in your upcomings and life, health, studies and career as well as your family! Seriously it really make me to tears seeing the past pictures from 2006 right up till today, time flies, time pass so soon and I've already graduated from the study life! I'm feeling old now! I didn't wish to wash off the past no matter it's happy or unhappy because you've never known up till today, you were the greatest gift I ever had in my life! Torn between us will always stay in our heart as no one would understand neither to do anything because you've moved on with another important person in your life today.. Best wishes to everyone in this world and lots of happiness and success in life in 2010! Goodnight or good morning, I'll head off to bed now..

I really miss 2009 so much though I've been living alone in pain throughout the entire year myself, without you... ='(

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2010 EVERYBODY....
(Update through mobile phone)

Love,
-aLBY-

Before 2010 . . . .

Its going to be year 2010 in less than 2days more. Many things had happened in the past, learned a lot, been through a lot too! Hoping that in the year of 2010 will be a better year for me and my career as well as for everybody else! I'll achieve what I need to achieve for a better future for myself...

Happy New Year everybody...

-[aLbY]-

Merry Xmas & a Happy New Year Everyone!

Merry Xmas and a great Happy New Year to everyone! Wishing everyone, best of luck and success in everything the next year ahead! Love everyone...

Love,
-[aLbY]-

FUIYOH......

FUIYOH..............1st of all, don't be surprise of what so ever alright, DIGI is not doing another promo on FUIYOH! :) Anyway, what makes me FUIYOH is about what you're going to see below! I was surprised when I reached to the mamak, Biru@Outlet Manager came to me with this 3pieces of "fuiyoh"! I was really surprised looking at the size of it which doesn't matches the worth of the "fuiyoh" as well as the price! Take a look!

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Dang....dang....dang....dang....alright, you'll for sure surprised with the price of EACH SOAP right? Yea, me too when I turned back and looked at the price! I was told it was given for FREE by a friend, who is a doctor! THANK GOD!!! I mean WTH on Earth this kinda medication soap cost this expensive?! Would you actually buy it? For me, I'll never cause it cost me RM800 ONLY for 3piecess of soap! *WTF* Anyway, only IF it helps to recover my hair-growth (with guarantee), why not? :)
Alright, I know it's random but I just didn't want to abandon my blog only, so I posted something for readers who actually reads my blog (if there is)!

-[aLbY]-

I blamed you for everything that was going on
I was angry and didn't know right from wrong
I wish I could turn back the hands of time
I wish I wasn't so damn blind

All the pain and the suffering, I wish I could take it back
All the swearing and fights, I wish I could take it back
All the blaming and swearing, I wish I could take it back
I wish I could take it all back

Sorry, can we work things out again
Can we go back to the time you were my man
I will love you like I should
Love you like any person would
Oh please, accept my apology

Sorry, can we work things out again
Can we go back to the time you were my man
I will love you like I should
Love you like any person would
Oh please, accept my apology

I pushed you away, cause I was angry at you
Now I know that I was wrong, and it was my fault too
Now I am alone and wishing you were here
I will change, no more anger and tears
My Apology lyrics on
http://music.yeucahat.com/song/English/57501-My-Apology~Ho-Ngoc-Ha.html

All the pain and the suffering, I wish I could take it back
All the swearing and fights, I wish I could take it back
All the blaming and swearing, I wish I could take it back
I wish I could take it all back

Sorry, can we work things out again
Can we go back to the time you were my man
I will love you like I should
Love you like any person would
Oh please, accept my apology

Sorry, can we work things out again
Can we go back to the time you were my man
I will love you like I should
Love you like any person would
Oh please, accept my apology

I understand if you are going away, but still I beg you to stay
The lonely nights are killing me, please accept my apology

Sorry , can we work things out again
Can we go back to the time you were my man
I will love you like I should
Love you like any person would
Oh please , accept my apology

A song that means a million of words, was suppose to be dedicated to someone very special to me in my life...but I guess, today, it don't mean anything to you anymore as you've claimed "your heart is dead for me"...Sigh! Miserable life really, whatever I do, you'll never like it, even if I love you really for real for years, you'll still consider that I'm a big loser, big player, big liar...I always think that our love is as clear as crystal, but the people in your surrounding as well as my surrounding don't seems to please us being together over the years and still spreading such rumour about me especially something very untrue about me, friends who knows me well or knows me as what and who I am, I guess y'll knew me clearer than some people do. The important dates are coming, but I guess this year I would have to celebrate it all by myself with some closer friends than with you. Though I'm unhappy, but I guess I've gotta accept my life, has to be without your presence anymore since you've left me for sometime and became someone else whom I couldn't recognize anymore. Goodnight my love...It's still a nice song afterall, hope you people love it too! Adios...

-[aLbY]-

WTF?!

Yeah the title WTF referred to something really WTF! Hahaha you are only able to see this in this century! Guess what is it? Nah, don't think you could figure it out! I saw this SOMEWHERE previously, has no time to update so check this out! Something cool, something you would like to know and see...

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Hahahahaha WTF321, Nissan Fair Lady 350Z!

Another surprise! Really check this out! I was not just WTF, even OMFG!

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WTF? Can you imagine that the car plate worth RM86680.00? Crazy man! But nice car plate thou! LMAO...

-[aLbY]-

Current update!

I've finally relief from everything! It's EVERYTHING! Just did my FYP presentation lsat Friday (11/12/09) and THANK GOD I did WELL! :) hooray....both supervisor and adviser seems quite happy with my work though there were some negative comment about it! Anyhow, I'm officially done with my studies, looking forward for my exam result which will be expected to be released on the 18/12/09! So wish me best of luck for it! Other than that, I'm also looking forward for my FYP's result! That is the most important result to determine my bachelor of degree class! I hope that the worst would be 2nd lower, IF possible, 1st class would be the best! :) so wish me best of luck to those who read this post!

So some update of the current activities I've done lately although I didn't really keep my blog up-to-date daily! So here it goes..


ABC Big Town Cafe @ Mamak, my 2nd home has a new recipe! HAHA....light food, I mean apart from mee goreng, maggie soup, maggie goreng, indon mee, nasi lemak, roti canai etc, the outlet manager has come out with a new recipe, new food! It's so cheap! Hahahaha...yummy....during the midnight when I've nothing to bite there! :) guess how much? Heheheh....wanna know, go there and try then you'll know! What is it called? What you see in the picture, describe it that's all!

Anyway, NEXT is the PLAYBOY NEW FRAGRANCE Roadshow @ Mid Valley, Center Court! The launch of their 4 new fragrance, Malibu, Miami, Vegas and Hollywood! My bro and I got 1 Miami and 1 Malibu! Man, when I was about to get the fragrance guess what? Second day of the roadshow, more than 10,000 unit SOLD! Miami is the best selling! Can you imagine it's only RM59.90; fragrance + body spray? OMG! Such reasonable price and nice too! Try it for those who didn't know about it and wanna try something new! Here's the PLAYBOY roadshow and what I got! Ops, one more which I left out, they were also sponsored by Naza World with the latest Lamborghini! WOW.....super COOL!!!

The PLAYBOY NEW FRAGRANCE LAUNCHING 2009.

My PLAYBOY MALIBU & PLAYBOY MIAMI....

Alright, that's it for tonight first! Will continue tomorrow...

-[aLbY]-

Ford Models Supermodel of the World 2009 (Malaysia)

Here it goes, since it's been quite sometime I haven't been updating my blog here is the update! Last month I joined this Ford Model Search, as those who reads my blog knew about it, the result is finally out (5th Dec 2009)! Congrats to those who won!

Female Winners:-
Winner: Kelly Jagan
1st Runner-up: Eleen Yong
2nd Runner-up: Syakella Jazmyn

Male Winners:-
Winner: Danny Lim
1st Runner-up: Ahya Ulumuddin
2nd Runner-up: Ian Ong

Congrats to those who won! Kinda expected that Danny will actually win for the male category, and the female's category I thought it would be Casandra Patrick but anyway, Kelly is good too! Amazingly her photographs taken and the finale outlook and outfit is tremendous! CONGRATS again! Female winner will win RM250,000 worth of prizes and will be sent for the International Ford Model Search in 2010 January next year! Where as the Male winner will win RM50,000 worth of prizes and will also be sent to the United States for training! How lucky they are...too bad, I can't even get into the Top 10 instead of Top 20! *frown* Kind of disappointed when I knew some who could get into Top 10, but I didn't! Sigh...anyhow, some are bias thou cause they've good relation with some of the judges! So....BOYCOTT!!!

My photoshoot during the elimination of the Top 10 Male model!




Wei........isn't that bad right? Why am I eliminated in the Top 10 elimination! :( sigh, was putting so much hope into the Top 10 since during the photoshoot, Benjamin and Azrul (both are also judges) said my first photograph taken is perfect enough and that was what Azrul (the photographer) wants! Sigh...and then I took a few more shots and those aren't as good as the first! I was so confident to get into the Top 10 but it turned out to be a disappointment! Anyway, it's reality show and everything is bias in the entertainment industry! Nothing is fair in this industry unless you're really capable enough to be a Mr/Mrs. Perfect! Argh...during the elimination, the only comment I got from the judge (Azrul) was my eye isn't sharp and strong enough to portrait the photograph! Damn it! WTH! *so disappointing*

Anyway, what's done is done, I couldn't change anything as since it was recorded and moreover announced! Would just have to prove them I'm good in the future!

Here is the link where you can watch the entire REALITY show! Anyway, the show was a bad one! Super low quality cause the judges couldn't even speak well except for Azrul and Gillian Hung@Mama G! I adore Mama G as she's elegant and pretty yet well spoken, Azrul....I've got not much of comment cause he said a different thing during my photoshoot and during the elimination! Sigh again....

Here's the link, click on to watch it: Ford Models Supermodel of the World 2009

Oh between, the worst thing, they actually skipped my part and a few contestant's comment during the elimination because prolly they realized their comment towards a few of us are just to eliminate to replace those who are close to the judges who got it! WATCH IT and you people will realize it!

Another update, FEMALE's 50 Most Gorgeous online voting has ended last week (30th Nov 2009), still waiting for the result, would hope something mischievous happen! Something for me at least, I'm confident enough though I've competitive competitors among the rest of the 24 male contestants!

Another contest, I've joined for sometime, still waiting for the update is still in progress! Will keep the update soon! Don't misunderstand that I'm trying to SEEK FOR ATTENTION or being D.O.A (Desperate of Attention). I'm just doing what I inspire to do which is to become a real model instead as such everyone has been claiming themselves a model. I didn't want those unreal fame but fame which I achieve all by myself since I've quit modeling for the past few years, it's time for me to come back out for some new exposure and competitions to get myself back into the industry and achieve my inspiration one day (hopefully soon) in order to make myself a happier person than a saddist I've been for the past 10months...

Wish me luck and keep supporting me people, my beloved family and friends or fan (*if i have HAHA)! *CHEERS*

-[aLbY]-

Endless Love / Afraid (Hai Pa) @ 23/11/09

This is a post as of 23/11/09!

That day I went out with my friends, and heard this song! The moment I heard the song, my heart was touched, again I thought of someone, something which I can never let go, never forget. To the person I'm referring, you'll never know the truth or understand the truth cause you will always think that I'm the worst and bad person ever, or you even name me a "jerk", but I'm sorry I couldn't be the man you want to be, I admitted I hated some thing of you, it's because of "someone's" existing, but I've never forgotten any single moment we had together before, you will always remain to be in my heart, I can never forget you, but I can only make this to force you to make the move to hate me most, delete me on facebook or even to blocked me on MSN! :'( I'm sorry, I couldn't have let you go at all right up till today, even each time I saw you with someone else, knowing you were with someone else, happily or not, I can never still forget you although if I've the hatred cause the one I love most and the one I can never forget or to let go is to you! You may not get to read this or will never read this, but this is the post I'm writing it to you!

You would have me in your mind that I'm a jerk, I'm an asshole, I'm a player, a liar, the one that took you for granted, the one that have wasted your time, the one who has hurt you most, BUT, you will never know how much you meant in my life! :'( I'm writing this with my tears on while my brother is sleeping in the midnight. I swore, I've never forgotten you nor never never loved you truthfully before! Believe it or not, I know it's up to you although you don't. I know I've been doing a lot of things you dislike me doing, but they are my interest, moreover you've left me without a single word since 18th February 2009...I can never forget this date, and nevertheless, I can never forget what date is 23rd of July of every year! It's been 9months, yes, without you knowing how much pain I've been experiencing, how much have I been missing you, but I can't be doing anything because you've got such a beautiful life with another half today, I can't be a bastard to destroy your happiness but only being quiet to myself, or not even sms'ing you, because to you, I'm the worst person in your life, which you've never met or experienced, no matter what I said to you, you'll never want to get back with me... :'( because of the past, because of my friends, because of me, because of my background, because of my family....I'm sorry dear, I can't tell or to proof how much I loved you until today, but to express how much I love you here....where I can never let you go at all!

I know there were loads of dramas within us and our friends, but you'll never forgive me for what had happened in January 2009, as I always hoped you'll never bring it up right up till February 2009, I've celebrated a calm V-day with you, got you the Rihanna Concert ticket, with the best sits we could have,...you still insisted to have me to be apart from your life on the 18th of February, where all the rumours started spreading everywhere about us, of anything until our relationship and perception became worst than ever! :'( I'm really upset, of every single argument we had in the previous time! I've got the histories in my MSN, and also on my mobile inbox right up till today! You've seen my inbox before all these years, I only kept all your sms(s) but not anyone's unless they're notices or event invitations/notifications. I know I'm stupid to say this, but if I didn't want to say all those I kept in my heart for months of what's been happening, you'll never know the truth about me (all these years as well), whoever who'd appeared in your life while we were together, on the sms I sent the last time when we argued, to test whether you will still want me back, or to.....let me off TOTALLY today! :'( it hurts, the worst thing I've done in my life, it hurts most when I found out the next day all those I mentioned earlier happened, it was as though either one of us had left Earth, because we will never know what happened to anyone of us everyday anymore!

I love you from day 1 on the 23rd of July 2006, when I 18+ close to 19 birthday soon that time, I've intended to have you ONLY in my life, which I didn't want to have anybody else anymore because I know from that day onwards, from whatever had happened no matter it is ups or downs, I've never forgotten a single moment even if we'd argued terribly while we broke up before, it's all kept in my heart and memories, which makes me love you so much deeply! This is what happened when one love another too much deeply, they can never live in a happier life when they have lose their other half in moments! I remembered most the lunch we had on the 18th February 2009 @ Noodle House that time, with the parking ticket still in my car today, the environment was cool, quiet, while we ordered our food, you were looking at the newspaper, while i was waiting for lunch, at the same time I tried talking to you, until we finished, then "it" happened after that...I can never forget the moment you told me while we were on the way back on the road! How bad can I be since you've known me for over years, how terrible could I be since I'm the most you've seen everyday and night? :'( I ain't complaining nor stabbing you, but eventually I've been questioning myself everyday and night staring at the sky, "How bad could I be to you when we are so much in love with each other all these years? only?" It's really heartbreaking everyday and night, I've been thinking of you, missing you, or even been praying hard, that you would have a greater health, a greater life, a happier life, and also a more peaceful life than being with me....but eventually I couldn't console myself to forget you at all! Every moment, even when I was sleeping, I thought of you on the phone with me when I need you most, I received your sms, mms, your call and your presence when I needed you most! ;'( I don't know what can I do to let this off from my heart today! You could think that I'm a bastard, a jerk, or a human who has no humanity or lack of attention, but no matter what it is, the one I love most is still you right up till today! You're never been forgotten, I can never let you go...I can never erased off all the memories we've had together everywhere, every time, and everything together!

Thou I've been graduated from the university, wherever, whenever, whatever happened, you are still the one I thought of, the one I related to, the one I missed most, and the one I love most to be with....

I've got my life screwed up till my sleeping hours can only be in the morning rather than a normal time unless if I'm really sick till I need to rest early only I could sleep! It's all because I've been waiting....waiting for you to forgive all the shits happened in the past, and to allow me back by your side! I couldn't lie to myself, I couldn't continue this anymore as the more I'm doing it, the more it's hurting myself where I've been listening to some of my friends who has problem with all their ex(s), which I didn't want to be a victim like them suffocating all their life everyday and night, like myself today... :'( it's really suffocating and heartaching! I've not seen you for sometime other than bumping onto each other, I misses you, your face, the moment you call my name, the moment you call me, the moment you touched me, the moment you touched my face, the moment you hugged or even hold my hands... :'( it made me to tears each second I thought of it, as I couldn't be a man as everyone thought to let go off the past, or to turn to a brand new leaf, as if I'm either allowing my heart beats (with you), or heart beat stopped (without you)...no one as ever could replace you in my life, or to take place of you in my life ever even if one day you saw me on the road or mall with another, it isn't as you thought because the one whose still left in my heart is still You...my love! I love you till the end of my life dear... :'(

Love,
-aLbY-

OMFG!

CHECK THIS OUT!

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WTF isn't it?! I parked inside Lot10 for approximately 13hrs, there's no MAXIMUM RATE! My entire life had never paid this f*cking expensive for parking before especially shopping mall! RM35 can do so much! Moreover, the day before that, I parked my car at Pavilion, and that already cost me RM15 (maximum)! Then now another RM35, my weekend parking cost me RM50/week! KNNCCB!!!!!! EVERYONE, NEVER PARK YOUR CAR IN LOT10 or the surrounding if you're planning to stay for long or on the specific time they have a flat rate!!!! What a GOOD experience!

-[aLbY]-

FEMALE Magazine's 50s Most Gorgeous 2009

Woohoo....I've got into the FEMALE Magazine's 50s Most Gorgeous! Kindly vote for me, I'll appreciate all of the voting that counts for the winning! :D Click on the link to vote for me! VOTING period is only up till 30th Nov 2009!

VOTE ME!!!

-[aLbY]-

MIFW-09 @ Pavilion, K.L - 7th Nov 09

Sorry for the late update of the MIFW-09 post! Anyway, I was invited for the MIFW-09 on the 7th Nov 09 by one of the participant designer, William Liew. It was due to a competition I joined and Will said to sponsor the contestants for the show with guestlist. So we attended the FantastiqueMen show in collaboration with Larrie, MadMub, Daniel Cho, William Liew, Key Ng, STUD as well as Lustro. Thank you William for the invitation and the sponsor of the shirt to attend the event. I've attended last 2yrs MensFolio@MIFW-07 before, so this year I'm glad that I'm invited directly from the designer! :)

Here's the schedule of MIFW-09 and pictures I took during the event as well as for the Gala Night@Closing Ceremony too.. BUT before that, have a look at my invitation and the schedule then the pictures of the show! :) Enjoy...


The MIFW-09 Master Schedule..


The invitation for MIFW-09, FantastiqueMen@7th Nov 09...







And here's the compilation of the pictures I took during the runway starts! The models are super cool! Wow...no matter they are guys or gals! Between I've a few friends who walked the runway too! Hahaha...well done Ian@Yen, Jojo and Lawrence..







Best Female Model of the year goes to Tinie, and Best Male Model of the year goes to Ikhwan! Congrats!

It's a great show and I appreciate the invites for the show this year! Thanks!

-[aLbY]-

Ford Model Search Audition

There are so much for me to post up, but I've got no time this few days!!! MIFW 2009 post! Gosh...right now gonna post a very quick one of the Ford Model Search Audition I went last Sunday! It was random, I met a friend on the Saturday while attending MIFA, so he asked me to try it out for the Ford Model Search Audition. I was aware of the competition but never thought of trying it! He asked me to try it out, so I decided to go for it on Sunday after some meeting. I went for the audition with a few friends about 3++pm, there wasn't many contestants, we went for a short photoshoot to allow the judges recognize us. So yea, luckily I got a not-bad-one! Hahaha...well, during the first audition, they asked me questions, common random questions! So I answered, hopefully I did impressed them! There goes I got into the 2nd audition which is scheduled at 5pm on the same day. Ford Model Search Audition is only open for 2days, last Saturday and Sunday. Then, I went for the 2nd audition, WOW, they asked bunch by bunch guys to stand in front of them, then they'll pick those the judges wants to. They'll select top 30 for the first round. And the news is....I GOT INTO TOP 30! HAHA...here are some of the pictures during the auditions! Enjoy...

Here I come...my contestant number! 124!

The process...

Here's the picture they took for me for the judges!

This is anther same picture only, nothing much!

This is where the contestants were waiting for the result to get into Top 30!

This is a picture of the judges making their decision!

That's all for now, I'll try to update the MIFA post soon people. I gotta head to bed now as I'm having my first shooting later from 7am onwards till 10pm (scheduled)! Wish me luck...I'll do my best later!

-[aLbY]-

到了明天

Thanks to my very good friend, the song means so much which I couldn't express my feelings by words, but through this song....to....

Goodnight readers...

-[aLbY]-

Some update!

Here are some update of what I've been doing recently, that's why I haven't been blogging for 2weeks! Anyway, HOORAY for the first things first, all my assignments are done hand submitted! Secondly, my FYP is finally submitted with 2days of deferment too! YES! My stress totally FREE-ed! What I've been busy of to have no time for update is the rush of my assignments as well as the FYP! Sigh, been thru alot these few weeks, it's really a hectic time to go through but I'm finally free today! Now, what I'm confronting is the final exam! WTF? 2days after my submission of FYP, it's my exam? WTH? 2nd, 4th, 6th and 9th of November! DAMN!! I've so little time to prepare, and I've screwed the first one! SIGH...anyhow, it's the war for the next 3 papers! I gotta make it to free myself, then my final presentation for my FYP, that's it! I'm officially GRADUATED after studying for 4yrs in the uni! Damn....time flies!

Anyway, here are some pics of my FYP. Check it out!







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WOOHoo.....150+ pages of documentation for my FYP! COOL........... :D

Aight, that's it for the meantime, will update more the previous events after my exam or ASAP when I got my internet back as it's been down for a couple of days! FUCK STREAMYX!!!!

Wish me luck for the rest of the papers...

-[aLbY]-

Missing holiday . . . .

Sigh, I know that this is random but I'm missing holidays! Only a few more weeks (less than 4weeks), then my 4yrs course will be officially completed! And I'm graduating by then,...I miss holiday but the same time missing college life! It just so happened that I was checking my mail, I found this! I'm missing a place similar to this..



This isn't Penang, FYI! It's just a random picture I saw in one of the forwarded mail by my friend. I miss Penang! Sigh, everything of Penang I'm missing now! I wished I could make my trip to Penang again after the "WAR"! Anyway, for those who haven't seen the actual Penang bridge, here you are, our Malaysia's Penang Bridge is also very beautiful as to compare to those in the overseas..



Here's our beautiful sunset view of the very popular Penang Bridge! I wish to go there the soonest for some FRESHER air than here in KL! Sigh...anyway, I'm still considering the trip as I'm with debt! :( shall pen-off...

-[aLbY]-

Sad and sick of myself . . .

I really wanted to post up more things, but time don't allow, I've been wasted a lot of time NOT doing anything this year, I'm totally screwed up! Guess what's worst? My FYP due has been extended to 2weeks later, which is on the 28th Oct 09, and what's worst? I don't seem to have touched anything much of it! I'm so fucking worried of it, it suck up all my credits to pass the entire course I've been acquiring all these 4years, I'm DOOMED and FUCKED! Apart from that, I've another 4assignments to be handed in as well, before and after the FYP due, then to my final exam which is like the latest due of my assignment is 30th Oct 09 if not mistaken? My exam falls on the 2nd Nov 09? WTF? I've only a few days to study everything I learned throughout the semester! Fucking screwed up my life! I'm a total saddist yet a fucked up kid today! I'm so spoilt, I started....argh, fuck it seriously! Everyone, stay away from me as some have already done so, please go away everyone! I don't want to spoilt myself and then you all as well! :( I'm so sick of myself....when I'm suppose to be FULLY STRESSED UP before graduating and then to be a happy graduate BUT it turned out to be a disaster today! I'm so fucked in my life today! God, please help me, please save me out from this saddist sickening of my own world, PLEASE! I don't want to spoilt my life anymore, I don't want it anymore, it's tiring, it's very very tiring! :'( Although everyone has been seeing me partying around, slacking and doing a lot of wasting-time-matter, no one will ever understand the inner of myself because physically I'm portrait as a spoilt and fucking don't bother of anything at all! I can't help myself anymore to go on my life if this really reached till the next 2weeks, I'm really worry....I hope that my 'hair problem' wouldn't get worst than current as I'm really hoping it could recover the final 20% of possibility of my current situation! :'( please God, I need you....

Saddist blogger,
-[aLbY]-

Long term . . . . and T.L.C!

From today onwards I'll be on a long term medication condition for my hair loss control and re-growth. Many people has been wondering why am I always with my cap or something to cover on my head or probably having my head shaved bald this recent years. Yea, let's open up to admit that I've been having hair loss since the age of 19, when I just got into the tertiary life. Life never been such miserable as today due to the condition of my hair, is making me depress everyday and night. Now below here is the medication I'm going through for the next 2-3years given by a specialist. Believe it or not, I've a friend who has been taking this medicine for the past 2years since the last time we met not till we bumped back onto each other, he was having hair loss, till last year, I saw him again, everything went back to normal, I was really amazed with the result of the medicine or the medication he was taking. Amazingly, I've been blinded over the years, never knew there was such specialist in SS15 Subang!



Finally I've listened to his advise and consulted the specialist, I was told that I'm confronting hormonal imbalance. Well, I remembered my hairline started thinning when I had my hair dyed for the 3rd or 4th time when I was 19. Anyhow, the medical fee isn't cheap at all, 1month of supply of day and night tablet as well as a hair tonic before bed, cost me RM240! I hoped this isn't gonna be the same for the rest of the days I'm going through! Approximately, RM2.8k - RM2.9k/year! Gosh...moreover, the specialist told me that overall, it'll recover by an additional of 20% of the current condition! Sigh...I'm really upset of this statement, I really hoped I could have what most the adult/youngster/youth has but isn't a bald headed guy where...I'm always being insulted, teased, or laugh, or even disappoint many of my head! :'( I hope this medicine could really help me to have my hair recovered by the end of the days! Please keep my confidence boost up! I really need my confidence back, I'm lack of confidence and everything! I need it back so badly...like a normal human being! Sigh...I really need T(Tender).L(Love).C(Care) so badly! :'(

-[aLbY]-

失落沙洲

I love this song very very much, it means a lot! Because I've no more idea how am I suppose to express my feelings anymore. I'm feeling dull and lonely, I'm so lost yet been lost for sometime! I'm trying to get things back at right track but it don't seems worked out. All I can say is what is sang in the song. I've been through a lot, really a lot of things, but in the end, I'm still thought as a naive, childish, annoying or not-bother-type of person. As I said, I've been through many things this 7months time, the worst had bypass, and amazingly I'm still alive today. Really collapsed and met in terrible car accident without injuries before! Really close to death, but I'm still here today, alive. It all seems to happened yesterday, but the fact, I've been living in the past for too long, thinking of the reminiscence of the past and the ups and downs I've been through...without moving on. Today, I seems to be fine, but it is just my physical afterall, I'm lonely, I'm depress, I'm spoil, I'm disappointed, I'm really demotivated and losing all my confidence of myself! Been trying to do a lot of things to boost up my confidence and forcing myself to forget everything, but it failed too. Till the end, I was still told to be the heartless person on Earth. Without you, without who I am today, because of what you've said to me, I know I'm no longer in your heart, but just memories...which means I've to move on with an open heart no matter what it is. Pictures, memories, places we've been to, moments we've been through, the good and the bad times,...kept me thinking non-stop!

The truth today, no matter what I do from yesterday, today or till tomorrow, you'll never want me back. Afterall these years, although the reminiscence of past kept passing through my mind or my heart, you'll never wanted me to go back by your side, because I've already became your footstep, the footstep left behind the sand, which are meant to remember, but not to enjoy together in reality anymore. The me today in your mind and heart, is only known as a word to describe, "nobody". I know no matter what, I still have to move on as you always hope I could like some other people, or what you've expected me to be, "a-mature-person" or some of your friends. I know I don't have anymore choice, but listen to this song, at least you'll know some of what I want to express to you...

-[aLbY]-

阿桑 - 叶子

A very random song introduced by a very good friend of mine last 6months back I guess. The artist have actually passed away. This is a very meaningful song, it recalls me off so much, as though....I'm the ONE like that, but...anyhow, enjoy the song...between, there're 2version here, pick any you readers like!



The revise version..



p/s: "The footstep is very deeply left, I don't know why aren't myself like you that can let go and took as though nothing had happen, as time passes by, the pain of abandoned and loneliness is still.....there! Happiness never last, by the end of everyday, sorrow the one been accompanying/haunting me only..."

-[aLbY]-

Sad and very sad!

It's a very unhappy night for me! Nobody would ever understand! *sorry if i repeated the past posts again although i've been saying i won't post such emotional post, but nobody could shared this feeling with me except for BLOG* Sigh...not much time left for my FYP submission, heard that there's extension, hopefully i'll utilise this time to finish it REALLY SOON PLEASE then i'll be graduating by then! Till then...

-[aLbY]-

Round 1 & Round 2!

Something I wanted to share tonight, I rarely share this kinda news but, yea, I don't want to post something that.....people don't care! So here it is, surely you guys like it! WATCH IT! You'll be AMAZED with the HOTTEST NEWS! Hoho.............. :P

Round 1....



Continue in Round 2....



That's all, awesome isn't it? ENJOY? I'll try to post more of something not so about myself as...I know the bloggers or readers or stalker dislike, but WHAT TO DO? My only paradise to voice out that stick to me for years! Really years I've been blogging...sigh! Anyway, that's all for now... ENJOY your night!~

-[aLbY]-

LOST.....NEW!

I knew it's been awhile, and I'm reporting myself back here to my own world@besties. So here is the story, I lost my Nokia 5800 XpressMusic, last week while I went outing with my mom after class. So we were determined to go Robinson, The Gardens to get a hat for my dad for their coming Shanghai trip (tomorrow night). Then we went over to Midvalley to check out the hats, nothing really suit the price, but it's too expensive. It's just a normal STALL, RM139.90 for a hat? WTH? It looks more alike those in Sg. Wang but the price is as high as sky! Sigh, so we walked to another shop, Tropicana Life, got one for my dad, RM59.90. Mom was happy, then we walked around, we arrived around 1pm, after that we walked back to The Gardens to look around, then we walked into Robinson, we saw a lot of things, did some shopping there thou, I saw a shirt and jeans which is displayed at the men section. NICE! So I decided to try it out as my mom was shopping for my dad and bro. Mom said it was nice, then everything is discounted by 10% only, by 6.30pm that day was Robinson's 2nd Anniversary. There's gonna be an additional of 10-15% off for every item. So, i tried it out again and again as usual for my shopping. I realized my phone was disturbing, so I took it out and placed it on the bench in the fitting room. After that, I decided to grab the stuffs and reserved them first as when the event started we'll have an additional 10-15% for Robinson members. After that, we went out without the phone (without realizing) and wanted to go for lunch, was walking to CK, I realized my phone isn't in the pocket anymore, then I ran all the way to the fitting room to check, it WASN'T THERE ANYMORE! :( sigh...I'm so FUCKED that time! It's the 3rd phone I lost since Sept08 till Sept09! Hate the luck I've since then till today! :(

First was my N73 (first Nseries), then my lovely N82 (best camera) and broke it because of....argh, then got a Nokia 5800 XpressMusic till...THAT DAY, sigh! Really not in a luck at all! "It" was right! My life...really.... :( been using my mom's phone for temporary, by the way, thanks for the concern for those who was concerning about me of the phone. I've been surveying which to get, I'm so used to touchscreen phone, was thinking of the same phone, then iPhone 3Gs (yea I didn't really like it but the new version seems way much better than the old one but....), too bad the phone is TOO COSTLY, I've checked Australia, UK, US, S'pore price, it's closely the same! I could get a BETTER deal if I bought it from Maxis under the contract, BUT too bad the phone I lost was contract to 2yrs and it's only 5months old! :( I really hate my life...such unlucky for the entire year, not JUST the phone. Then I did thought of N97, but I'm lack of cash, nothing in my account, such a sad case isn't it? I've became a spoil brat since 6-7months back, today I'm BROKE yet I lost ANOTHER phone! ARgh....finally after a week of surveying it over the town, I've decided to get the Nokia 5730 XpressMusic, for RM13XX! Sigh...wasted money, and time! It's really a bad year for me, I'm seriously depress of my life, tired of my life, tired of so much till...I'm collapsing today..

Only a few more weeks for my FYP submission and...I've started NOTHING! Basically nothing although I've updated some information onto my documentation. I'm really such a sad freak today...nothing much of this post, only an update that I've lost my OLD phone :( and got a NEW one few days back. To those who has my number (+ read this/happened to pass by my blog), don't hesitate to text/send me your number with your name. I'm saddist freak....sorry guys/gals!

Goodnight..

Saddist writer,
-[aLbY]-

Listen . . .

True Heart[www.laxing.net] - Ö£ÐÀÒË[www.laxing.net]
** If you still remember this song, you could sing the lyrics yourself, and tell me that you still love me up till today! :'( **

No matter how much I love you right till today, you'll only walk further away from me.... :'( it's so suffocating, the night I tears because of some messages I read which hurts me so badly, tearsing painfully in my heart all alone! Afterall, I'm a useless and hopeless human being living on Earth! Goodnight!

-[aLbY]-

FINAL LAST DAY & RELIEF . . . .

WEeeeeeeeeeeeee..........finally I've finished my final paper, and I'm officially done with my uni life! All 4papers done, all 4assignment & presentation done, FYP submitted, only waiting for FYP presentation! Wohoo...I'm graduating!!!! Officially a graduate!!! Yeah....no more worries of my studies, assignments and exams anymore! :D after the final presentation I'm officially OUT TO THE REAL WORLD! Many things had happened in 2009, really too much, which I never have the time and also the feeling of posting them! Sigh...anyway, I won't write much for the temporary moment as it's late at this time, I only feel like posting a post after I finished everything of my studies! I'll post more soon aight! Here's my hard bound@2nd set of FYP!!!







This piece of hard bound cost me RM30 ok!!!! Haven't added with the printing!!! GOODNESS.....................alright that's all for tonight!~

-[aLbY]-

Stay with me . . .

Sigh, I realized I couldn't really hide things anymore. People in the surrounding, family, friends...they are all mostly could see that I'm unhappy and stressed up! Sigh! I really can't make it! These days everyone is busy rushing for their exams and finals before the year end comes and my year end only will start after Nov09! By then, my studies and college life will be ended! :( anyway, I must keep it up to put up a smile to everyone always even if I'm not! That's all I can do to make people in my surrouding happier than worrying or maybe annoyed! This is a song that I've been listening, but, why didn't it become true staying with me still? Sigh....sigh....sigh....I'm so depress and really depress over a lot of things these days. There're so many that I wanted to share it out but no one that I could, there're so much of things which I'm worried about but no one is there to keep me supported! I hate my life...I seriously hate my life... :'( goodluck Alby!

-[aLbY]-

方大同 - 夠不夠

你的爸爸妈妈 不会随便让你嫁
Your parents will not let you marry as you please

有财能够(才能)讲话
If you have money then you can talk

你君降临天下
You rule the land

单位价格太浮夸
A unit is too extravagant

除非可以刷卡
Unless I can swipe my card

你的要求 让我发抖
Your demands make me tremble

已经拥有
Already possess it

还没有拥有的 够不够
If I didn’t have any possessions, would it be enough?

够不够 做你的宝贝
Would it be enough to be your baby?

Do you know how it feels
Every time that you say goodbye (goodbye)
(Please don't say goodbye)
Do you know how it feels
Every time that you make me cry
Don't break my heart

Oh 我对你的爱 在世上难买
Oh, the love that I give you is hard to buy in this world

要是错过 我也无能为力
If I missed it, then I am powerless

你想开宝马
You want to drive a BMW

我和我的Toyota是否让你尴尬
Me and my Toyota, does it embarrass you?

你最爱卡拉 我对戴蒙有看法
You love carats the most, I have an unfavorable view towards diamonds

你说我是傻瓜
You say that I’m a fool

你的朋友说我太瘦
Your friend says that I’m too skinny

怎么不在意 我对你的爱够不够
How come they don’t pay any attention to if I love you enough?

够不够 是否能体会
Is it enough? If you can understand

Do you know how it feels
Every time that you say goodbye (goodbye)
(Please don't say goodbye)
Do you know how it feels
Every time that you make me cry
Don't break my heart

Oh 我对你的爱 在世上难买
Oh, the love that I give you is hard to buy in this world

要是错过 我也无能为力
If I missed it, then I am powerless

Baby tell me 如果我离开
Baby tell me, if I leave

Oh 要是我不再与你合拍
Oh, if I am no longer in harmony with you

再不会有我在这里等着你
I won’t be here waiting for you again

再没有我的安慰
Won’t have my comfort again

我会心碎
I will be heartbroken

只剩下我每一天每一天在回味
It’ll only be me left pondering over it everyday

失去你 失去爱 世界不再美
Losing you, losing love, the world is no longer beautiful

Do u know how it feels
Every time that u say goodbye (goodbye)
(Please don't say goodbye)
Do u know how it feels
Every time that u make me cry
Don't break my heart

Oh 我对你的爱 在世上难买
Oh, the love that I give you is hard to buy in this world

要是错过 我也无能为力
If I missed it, then I am powerless

Stressed & Suffocation.

I dislike the feeling seriously, it's almost killing me to death and I really hoped I could just collapsed and forget everything happened in my life, but that would never happen unless I've my head knocked onto the wall! These days, I'm so much of stress of so many things around, studies, assignments, FYP (due 14/10), personal life, feelings, emotions, health, hair.....sigh, its a fuck up life! It's so stressful and suffocating! I just need someone to understand and concern about me, why is that so hard? Haven't people know what am I? Am I really a bad person to be with? I knew that I'm imperfect in many sense, what can I do when I was born to be imperfect? Sigh...I'm still not touching any assignments including my FYP!



I've been sleeping very late recently, 5am? 6am? 7am? 8am? or even 9am! Sigh...seriously the insomnia is killing me! Its so suffocating, I'm feeling so tired everyday and night, often doze off in the class while the lecture going on, or even just slept on the desk or rather skipping classes by giving MCs! Sigh, parents and sis have been complaining over my outing, and sleeping hours, I couldn't make myself to stay at home THINKING! What am I thinking? I don't need I need to spill this out as it's obvious to those who knows me well or are close to me, but....why is it so? :'( so many things happened and parents are screwing me up, car got bang at the back WITHOUT noticed in the college last few weeks, scratches, dented and ARGH my bumper became loose, then now my air cond stinks, smells so badly whenever I started my engine, then what else? MONEY! I'm broke, so broke that I.....argh, fine I don't want to talk about that, but I'm alike a beggar now, doesn't have anything at all! Sigh...mom spoken to me this afternoon, threw all the things that dad said to her about me, we were arguing, and also have been arguing with my parents these days, for some issue, I'm so stressed up! Sigh...eventually I really can't take it, nobody understands my feelings, understands me at all why am I out so often and didn't want to get back home! :'( home definitely won't know cause I didn't want any of my family to be worried of me as I'm an adult today, I didn't want to trouble them so much of my stuffs/problems! Mom eventually tears talking to me, I was freaked out! I really don't know what should I do, but I got even more stressed up, I can't take it, I really feel like moving out for a couple of days or weeks. Yet I was so tired, my mood wasn't stable, yet was like "yelling" over my mom whenever I spoke to her, SORRY MOM! I DIDN'T MEAN IT but I really want to have my own time for myself to be emotional or whatever thing...does anybody knows about what's happening in my life? No, because I learned to keep things to myself and I don't see anymore reason that I shall share it out to anybody as nobody actually cares for me...

I'm really feeling restless and hopeless in my life...what shall I do? I've 2mths more to graduate! I'm feeling so restless and demotivated now...I really can't take it anymore, I'm getting weaker, my will is becoming weaker....the entire me is getting weaker and.....I really hoped I could collapse one day then have a few days of "comma" life...get extinct for a short period of time...sigh! What a life, nobody understands me, nobody rather wanna understand me, nobody ever understand the real me...which I'm always being thought as a fake person and being ignored... :'( why can't "we" make our dream come true after all...

-[aLbY]-