my worries had became a stress??

first day back to school again, met all of my frens...saw jj(my pet bro) passes by the mcD corner, the place where i use to hangout early in the morning with frens...i was kinda nervous N shame on myself on what he had told me before this...it made me felt embarass of myself N don dare to speak to him, even when i passes him or he passes me, i would've hide myself somewhere else to avoid from being embarassed =( i knw it's kinda stupid tht why am i avoiding from all these things but i really cant accept it as ppl trying to be over straight forward towards me N it might probably hurt me til i can go nowhere...anyway, around 15mins before my recess, i went to the toilet N actually met him there...buthen as i said, i was so shy to meet him so i acted as if i was tying my shoe lace..N he came near me...fortunately he didnt see me or maybe acted did not saw me there =( N i went into the toilet room..

than, during the last period of school today, i spoke to one of my bestfriend about my probs again...he understands me N advices me too...i couldnt act as if nthg like what jj did to me as i normally take this matter a serious one...really!! so, after school i walked to the road divider N stood N continue chattin with my bestfriend...after a lil while, i've gotta excuse myself as my school bus has reached...so while im walking by the road side, i actually saw jj walking on the bridge buthen i didnt really care about it as...he doesnt want me to care so much for him N yes i DID it! but i felt, it's nonsense N very irresponsible for me to do so as im alwiz so caring towards my frens moreover i treated him as bro more than a petted bro(but he doesnt admit it =()...when i was in the bus, i was feeling tht why am i such a stupid bastard not even dare to say a 'hi' to him? or a 'bye' to him? why?? i've been asking myself this question...im really depressed with this prob..y am i treating him so good but he thought like im harming him or trying to get something from him(my thought)?? im jus tryin to haf him as my lil bro(1st from my school)N trying to be responsible as a big bro...jus cant believe tht im almost being ignored by him...

anyway when i reached home, i realized i didnt bring my hse key along...i was so scared tht no one will be at home N YES! NO ONE IS AT HOME! i was once again feeling depressed tht why bad things kept on happening nowadays?? i was a lil stomach ache at tht time...my neighbour is not at home N no one could help me besides i walk out to the petrol station which gonna take me 10mins to reach N i guess by tht time my pants would be full with *yux* ahaha....so i decided to stand N wait for a lil while N YES! my mum is BACK home! after waiting for 15mins, i quickly rushed in the toilet N BOMB!!!!!~ RELEASED my 'stress' lolz..naH tht's not a stress la...so i went for bathing N had my lunch...after tht around 2++pm, i left my pc on N online...no1 turn up...so, i was feeling uncomfortable if i don tell jj what's my prob N it'll nvr been solved if i don speak out...so i decided the best way(my fav.), i sent him a letter telling him how i felt N what i really hope for...i dont know how will he think but im telling this for sincere N with my honesty i can guarantee i want nothing from u! only a brothership N tht's more than enough...then, i thought to rest a lil while on my bed N all by sudden i slept til around 6++pm than i realized i left something in the letter...so i sent him another letter, this time is to thank him bcz since the day i knw him, i'd change back to my origin character N i begun to study for my exams as he use to tell me tht he's preparing for his exam N im not!! now im glad bcz im studying hard for my 2nd trial N spm(coming soon everybody!!)...jus hope u can think twice ya! nitezZz everybody, it's late! muaXxx N thx for reading today's blog...im betta after speaking them out here N i could be fully recovered if jj gives me an answer im hoping for all this while...